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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think you should stay out of other people's bedrooms

449 replies

Alligatorpie · 30/10/2012 06:27

pil's were just visiting ( for 10 days) and I lost track of the times FIL came into my bedroom. He normally has a problem with boundaries, and after being with dh for 15 years, i am used to it.

Either I was in there, or the dc's were, so to my knowledge he doesn't go in there alone, he doesn't snoop around, he just talks to whoever is in there.

But I would never go into another adults bedroom - we stayed at pil's house for six weeks and I don't think I ever went in their bedroom.

AIBU to think you should respect some spaces in other people's houses? Or is this normal behavior? and no , I didn't confront him.

OP posts:
ScaryBeardyDeadyman · 31/10/2012 00:54

G'night happy! It's been a fun evening!

InSPsFanjoNoOneHearsYouScream · 31/10/2012 00:56

Twisted bitterness my arse!

It's all sexist shite over a joke about a green huge man!

Pearl clutchers are obviously running out of shit to moan at.

Oh no he used the word angry and fucking together.

Behead the basterd and stick it on a pole as a warning to other dick owners that only the fanjo owners may make jokes about angry green men

ScaryBeardyDeadyman · 31/10/2012 01:21

If anyone actually cares, I've found a dildo called "the hulk". Unfortunately it's not green :(

kinky linky

ScaryBeardyDeadyman · 31/10/2012 01:25

kiss sorry, missed you earlier!

look here...

TinyDancingHoofer · 31/10/2012 02:11

I found the joke funny when i read it, i find it funnier people are still discussing it.
Angry fucking doesn't even imply violent sex. I had some ace silent and fuming sex with my ex, he got all broody when mad.
I like angry fucking. I don't like sexual violence and i don't like the incredible hulk but i DO like wolverine.
That's my two cents anyway.

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 31/10/2012 02:20

Blimey!
Alligatornie, sorry about your thread love. Bet you weren't expecting that.

No, YANBU, people's bedrooms are a sanctuary, and should not be entered except by express permission.

Alligatorpie · 31/10/2012 04:08

Wow, i can't believe I missed six pages of this!

OP posts:
ScaryBeardyDeadyman · 31/10/2012 07:27

Morning Alligatorpie

Sincere apologies for the unintentional hijacking of your thread yesterday. I had no idea that the comment I made would create such a fuss and derail your thread so spectacularly!
I can only hope it makes for entertaining reading for you this morning.

Sorry again.

EdsRedeemingQualities · 31/10/2012 07:43

God. You guys were really out of order to AF and Ishiena last night.

I was beginning to feel that some of you were being reasonable, and that you might have a point and then you started saying she was twisting things she wasn't twisting, directing her to threads about anal sex (why? what was that about?) and calling her a 'LIAR' and loads of other things. All she said was there was some arse licking going on, perhaps there was, perhaps there wasn't.

But good on you for being so brave, against one or two people when there are at least five or six of you. Jolly good show.

Reading more rationally than I was able to last night, there are a good few people I will not wish to engage with in future on here. I'm sure that won't bother you at all, but it seems a shame to me. Who knew you were capable of being so bloody nasty... and so wrong.

The vast majority of insulting language came from you all, not from AF or Ish. Think about why that might be.

I'm going to hide this now as it's revolting.

PickledFanjoCat · 31/10/2012 07:50

Have you actually read the thread ed?

Perhaps you can read my final couple of comments which I stand by in totality.

PickledFanjoCat · 31/10/2012 07:54

And ed, you need to have a think about your posts as you come across as having some serious double standards.

Some of accusations getting thrown around here on this thread last night were pretty offensive and if you find that acceptable I certainly won't be losing any sleep if you don't want to engage with me in the future, I have to say.

I spent a lot of time yesterday trying to be reasonable. Seems its just dosent work!

ScaryBeardyDeadyman · 31/10/2012 07:59

Now now everyone. I wrote on here to apologise to the op this morning for the unintentional hijacking of her thread, I would suggest that anyone else involved does the same and leaves the issue alone now. Incredible hulk cockys are so yesterday! It's Halloween now, a time of peace and love and goodwill to all, don't spoil it.

Peace and love and fangs for the memories!

MissKeithLemon · 31/10/2012 08:45

I got a post deleted Sad

I think the whole reason this disagreement started upthread was because MrsCantsayanything didn't actually understand/get that the joke was in reference to the hulk at all Shock I think she obvoiusly hadn't read the thread properly to that point, and jumped in with the whole sexual violence thing. Weird.

Ohsiena · 31/10/2012 08:59

Actually all points in my last post were made by posters during the argument and not made up by me Pickled.

To explain:

Then usage of the words angry and fucking together- the central issue here, some feel it suggest sexual violence some don't.

The issue of men using violent sexual langauge vs women using it themselves.- some people find it worse if men make comments that could be taken as referring to sexual violence in a jokey way. Some don't, they think it's just the same.

The argument that it's only a joke and offense just means you have no sense of humour.- people repeatedly told Mrs C it was just a joke and therefore she shouldn't be offended. She was told her radio sketches must be crap due to her absence of humour, thereby denigrating her job and personality for finding this offensive and not just 'having a laugh'.

That some women can take male banter and some just can't.- I think Lequeen argued she enjoyed male banter and therefore enjoyed the joke. Suggestion being the problem is just MrsC just didn't get or enjoy male banter.

That some women have been raped more times than you and they've still got a sense of humour, so what's wrong with you.- I think it was Couthy who argued that she was raped at 4 yrs and she found it funny, Thereby suggesting (or actually stating, can't recall and am not checking. It's pretty obvious) that MrsCs background issues in sexual violence is irrelevant and she just didn't get the joke,and /or has no sense of humour.

Pcikled it is important to me you see Couthys post as you accused me of making up rape comments. I did not.

The idea that if you dislike someone elses point of view it's Ok to suggest they deserve, or want, their arse fucking.- arse licking is a commonly used term to suggest currying favour, very few people would really find that langauge offensive. To equate it with telling someone their thing is to get their arse fucked is utterly feeble. I'm suprised people are really trying to pursue this argument.

Oh, how I'd like to see that.- I'd like to see that (meaning some other feminists coming on here and debating these points) as I think all these points really need addressing properly and I have neither the time nor energy to do so on my own.

I think some really serious issues which could be seriously debated here have been glossed over with 'it's a joke' and ' that's sexist against men', followed by or including a lot of personal abuse.

If you think that makes me pathetic Pickled, so be it, I am pathetic to you, but I'm not sure why you feel that resorting to calling me names furthers your argument.

PickledFanjoCat · 31/10/2012 09:09

I think it is rather pathetic to threaten to go and get "the feminists" and "stand back" and watch "the argument"

Luckily no one seemed to respond to your goading last night because that's what it was.

Ohsiena · 31/10/2012 09:20

I genuinely would like some posters with a seriously considered feminist viewpoint to come here and address some of the issues that have been so dismissed.

I would enjoy watching that as I'm frustrated that so much thAt could/should really have been seriously challenged has been buried or ignored in the general tone of the 'it's just a joke' rather aggressive posting.

I would stand back, as I'm tired of this myself and others could do better, but I'd be very pleased if some of these points were seriously challenged.

That would be a debate I'd be pleased to see.

Feel free to call me pathetic again. I stand by this, pathetic to you or not.

(BTW not sure why you're putting 'the argument' in quotes alongside other quotes from me, as I never referred to watching an 'argument' you did)

PickledFanjoCat · 31/10/2012 09:27

You seemed confused at what I found pathetic. Which is why I helpfully quoted.

If you would like a genuine point of view why not start your own topic on the boards and ask people?

What is not good is the amount of twisting going on here trying to make posters seem to be making comments and jokes about sexual violence and rape when they are not.

That's not fair and it's not right.

PickledFanjoCat · 31/10/2012 09:29

And in my opinion which of course you will probably disagree with, there was a lot of goading and twisting going in here last night almost as if you and Halloween were trying to egg on an argument with feminist posters.

That's how I started to read it.

Ohsiena · 31/10/2012 09:39

You made a number of consecutive quotes some of which were mine and some yours.

Yes that is confusing.

And misleading.

The whole thread has become about views about whether the joke suggested sexual violence or not. No one is 'twisting' (I'm quoting you there), they are just saying how they perceive the words angry and fucking together. You canWork yourself into spasms of indignation and shout 'it's not it's not its not' all you all like till the thread ends, but you won't 'win', as it's one persons feelings and perceptions vs another's. Not 'twisting' (that's you gainBTW).

Who has suggested posters have made jokes about rape??? Are you just equating sexual violence and rape, or are you suggesting me or someone else has directly said someone has joked about rape?

You have already accused me once of dragging rapeninto this and disturbing you. I have demonstrated this morning that in fact, as I initially stated, I was referring to another's posters earlier comments about their own rape.

You've conveniently ignored this point, bt I hope you a no longer disturbed. ( I think it was disturbed, but I'm not sure so avoiding quoting, but it was something like that. )

PickledFanjoCat · 31/10/2012 09:45

Im out of this. I disagree with you on so many levels it's getting pointless and we are going around in circles.

I don't think either of us have the time or energy to trawl through the thread on this.

The main crux of this issue is the interpretation of the actual joke in the first place we don't agree on that and I don't think we ever will.

PickledFanjoCat · 31/10/2012 09:46

Op, sorry for the hijack.

Your not being unreasonable by the way.

MaryZcary · 31/10/2012 09:49

Yep, I agree to disagree on the interpretation of the joke.

But I stick to my point that saying male posters shouldn't be here is not ok.

I'm off too.

Rhinestone · 31/10/2012 09:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

ISeeDeadFairies · 31/10/2012 09:54

I think this has gone far enough now. This thread has been hijacked enough and it's not fair on the op.

Start your own thread because I have plenty of energy!! This only became about sexual violence when it was pointed out the poster was male. It's blatantly sexist and extremely unfair. Many of us have had negative experiences but that doesn't make all men accountable!

beardy came in this morning and apologised and asked that the matter be left. You chose to ignore this and carry on attacking people ohs. I find this childish quite frankly. Do yourself a favour an hide this thread and leave the matter alone.

Ohsiena · 31/10/2012 10:08

I came here this morning to defend accusations made about me last night that I dragged rape into this, when this had not been referred to by other posters.

They were serious accusations and it is not childish to defend those.

I really don't think Beardy has the right to decide when this ends and feel no need to do as he says. I too find his continuing 'cheeky chappie' banter when some women have clearly been disturbed by earlier comments, and when the discussion has become serious and unpleasantly aggressive, to be distasteful.

The arguement didn't start when it was pointed out the joke was made by a man. mrs C found it offensive, Ed then considered whether it was worse as made by a man.

The number of posts attacking MrsC for her offense taken, will be much much higher than those defending her position, yet it is me/us who have hijacked the thread and should hide it?

I'm not starting a thread, I don't have the time or energy. But I will feel free to post here or elsewhere when I do have the time or energy.