DH AIBU re. Daughter

[Undersizedfuzzball]

We have a beautiful DD aged 15months.

DH has said several times he wishes we didn't have her.

I suffered from PND and she went to the childminders a lot.

DH said if he had known I was going to get ill he never would of had her

It breaks my heart when he says things like this

Yes the road has been hard and we still have good bad days

He's not saying 'it was awful for me' when the OP was sick. He's not even talking from the position of high emotion & fatigue surrounding a newborn and their PND-suffering mother. He's saying he wishes they didn't have a 15 month old DD. Several times. No-one should need to go to counselling to realise that's the wrong thing to say.

No-one should need to go to counselling to realise that's the wrong thing to say

Wee clearly I did.

well

You realised it was wrong so you went to counselling.... Other way around, surely?

When I was depressed I said awful things. Worse than this by far. And at the time I didn't realise how bad they were. Plenty of women with PND wish they didn't have the baby, I don't see why a man can't feel that way.

Nope, I didn't realise it was 'wrong' until about 6 months later when I started to feel better. I was hospitalised, I thought what I was feeling was normal.

Everything is not black and white when someone is depressed or living with someone who is depressed.

When I was depressed, I didn't talk at all. I worked and slept and did all the mechanics of looking after my children. Robomum.

Did I kill the thread?
oops.
Counselling, and remembering that you love each other and DD and that shit happens.

Plenty of women with PND wish they didn't have the baby, I don't see why a man can't feel that way.

^^ this is exactly right.

A slap?

Dear God why do the NHS insist on spending millions on therapists, counsellors and drugs when a slap is all it takes

Tbh re rescuing fellowship post I think she has posted on the wrong thread

Why do you think that mutny there's nothing to suggest that as far as I can see

Re reading not rescuing.

Huh? Every part of her post fits in with this thread?

Because
Why should you feel Unreasonable
the op hasn't asked if she is unreasonable, but is her dh.
You don't need to apologise for anything.
The op hasn't said she does
Sorry but he deserves a slap.
Is this how you treat mental health issues?.
You need support, no matter how bad he feels, or shocked by it all
Do people really think one persons depression is more important than their partners. Shouldn't they be supporting each other.

It just doesn't make sense. Although my comment was tongue in cheek.

It does make sense mutny

Your post on the other hand makes no sense whatsoever

Really slapping someone who is possibly depressed makes sense?

What valium said

And the OP has asked if she's BU in the thread title

I'll admit it's a bit confusing but she's asking am I being unreasonable

Sounds like both of you are depressed, he needs to see his GP.

I feel we are going round in circles Fellow said he needs a slap for wishing his dd wasn't around. She wasn't posting on the wrong thread.

I am confused now!

Women suffering from PND say they wish their babies were dead because depression is a truly horrific thing.

Erm, seriously, I meant a metaphorical slap here.

I meant she is obviously going through it herself and her DP sounds like a spoilt kid with the arse cos he has had to deal with adult problems.

Its awful for a Dad to say something like he wishes his child didn't exist. So what, he's had to grow up and be responsible for OP and their child, so what? He should man up, seriously.

Should I have 'manned up' fellow when I said it? Was I a 'spoiled kid'?

I think it's quite clear now mutny that fellow wasn't posting on the wrong thread.