MIL deliberately ignoring my wishes..AIBU or is she?!

[havingastress]

Quite prepared to accept it's me who's being unreasonable...

BUT I literally had the biggest stress out yesterday!

Baby due literally ANY minute, am being induced this week. It's her second grandchild.

We found out we were having a girl at the 20 week scan (with hindsight, won't find out again, but there you go!) ...and told parents and inlaws. Her first reaction was...Ooooh great I love all the little pink clothes and outfits you can get.

Now....daft I know..but I BLOODY HATE PALE PINK BABY CLOTHES!!! You know...the whole rows of the stuff in Asda, Next, M+S. it's that insipid pink. Ewww. Anyway, I laughed and told her, Oh god please NO PINK..Honestly, I don't like it and I won't be dressing my daughter in it. Please save your money!! She was categorically told for want of a better way of putting it!

My mum has bought us 5 beautiful outfits for our daughter - each time she phoned before she purchased, described how it looked and asked would I be ok with her buying it.. Totally over the top as it's my mum and I know she has brilliant taste! But I appreciated her respect, and she said she knew from personal experience how annoying it is to receive loads of stuff you don't like because then you feel pressurized into using it because you feel guilty.

MIL turned up yesterday with a bin liner. A bin liner FULL of a mix of second hand clothes, car boot purchases, ebay purchases and some reduced sale stock from Asda and Next. ALL BLOODY PINK. THE WHOLE BLOODY LOT. A ridiculous amount of clothes that I have no idea where to put. She actually said, 'I know you said no pink, but come on, it's a girl, I want her to wear pink'

I was blazing! I feel as though she is deliberately ignoring my wishes, spending money needlessly (which then makes me feel guilty) and forcing HER wishes/beliefs onto me.

I know if I get rid of them to the charity shop/ebay she will open the wardrobe and demand to know where they are. The stuff with tags I took the whole lot back last night and swopped for 9-12months plain babygros etc that will be used and we will be very grateful for.

So...AIBU or is she? And even if it's ME being U, how the hell do I get her to stop buying loads of crap that I don't want?!

On the distance issue - my parents and pils both drove for 5 hours to see me and ds1 in hospital. We have a good relationship with both sets of parents but like you wanted to have the first couple of Weeks while dh was on paternity leave on our own to get to know our new baby together. My parents stayed at our house with dh and his parents stayed in a hotel (their choice) and they came to the hospital during visiting time. When I was discharged they waved us off, wished us luck, and went home. My Mum and mil came to visit once dh went back to work.

I will never forget how's much I appreciated both their love and excitement at their new grandson but also their unquestioning respect for what dh and I wanted as a new family. They now have a great relationship with our sons and are always welcome to visit.

This is your time, not theirs and while your mil might be excited she has had her chance. Why she doesn't get that stepping back a bit will reap rewards in the long term is beyond me.

Good luck for tonight OP!

I don't think you're being unreasonable about anything. I totally get where you're coming from. I also hate that insipid salmony pink and I got bags of the stuff as well. Ours arrived when DD was a week old and sat taking up space for a month. 4 bin bags full!!

Post birth when DD came out she had the same colouring as me and suited stronger colours like navy, red, purple or even a strong pink. Baby pink looked horrible. You could just say afterwards, 'oh they just didn't suit her colouring' if you want to avoid a direct confrontation. I think the direct way would nip this in the bud though although now probably isn't the time for that.

I let my parents and in-laws visit in hospital and as we came home for about 3 hours each (they're both a two hour drive away). That way they felt they'd seen DD when she was brand new and as I was in hospital, it started the visit with me as a patient rather than a host.

If she is the type to take a mile if given an inch I can understand you need to put your foot down. There's no way I would have let anyone stay, particularly someone who would have been likely to try and undermine me.

Oh yes, and your DH should be making those calls, not just sympathising that his mum is bullying you! He can step in and take it instead and he's not about to be induced. Why is he not stepping up here?

Just wanted to add a good luck message for you. Sorry that you are going through all this stress right when you don't need it!

((hugs)) for havingababy good luck for today.

How will you cope if your DD wants to wear pink when she's older? I'd say pick your battles

I think you need to relax and stop spending so much time being annoyed with your MIL. She's excited about the birth which is nice.

Yes, it is annoying she brought round a bin bag full of clothes in pink but is it really such a big deal? Does it really matter if your DD sleeps in something pink at night? Just go through the bin liner and keep what you want and give away the rest.

Stuff may not be in the wrong season for your baby. Your DD may be bigger or smaller than average and things like dresses can be worn longer or shorter. Plus shop sizes can vary.

If you already have a steriliser just say that was nice but we already have one.

Okay you didn't want Huggies but they are only nappies.

Just tell your MIL that you don't want her to stay after the birth.

Stop going over the top about the situation.

I can't help but think you're focusing on your MIL because you have worries about being a mum etc so you're venting it out on her.

She's being induced today justmy and MIL has thrown a mega strop about not staying- the issue is space as much as colour, but hey you got your tuppence in. [hhmm]

You should not have to stress about this.

Get your husband to call his mother and tell her that she is bang out of order.

There is a massive difference between popping around for a brief moment to see the baby and get a cup of tea and dry biscuits (which she is welcome to do together with the world and her sister) and coming to visit for an extended period expecting a brand new mum with health problems to play the hostess, putting her up and cooking meals for guests!

"I can't help but think you're focusing on your MIL because you have worries about being a mum etc so you're venting it out on her. "

what a rotten thing to say.

Good luck with the induction havingastress :)

I expressed a distinct dislike for pink before I had my DD and yes my MIL who is the real pink/purple bubblegum princess insisted on buying me pink clothes, that were not to my taste, in the wrong sizes. I just had to smile, coo and stick in the back of the wardrobe. Now she is 15 months my MIL continues to buy horrendous outfits and I still hate pink but do put her in it occasionally, only to spend the whole day thinking of how much I hate the colour! I know it's a pain in the ass but it's not the end if the world. Just chuck the stuff you hate or sell it and buy something you do like!

You are ivereacting a tad, but outit down to hormones. Pick out t nice stuff and put t rest in the garage or charity and tell her dd grew out of them

MIL sounds a fruitcake. It should be your DH that deals with her, and puts her in her place, not you.

Good luck OP! Thinking of you!

You're baby will be in your arms by the end of the day!! Bollocks to MIL for now, think about it all later, or hopefully DH will have sorted it for you! You do dead right to tell him to pack them off if they turn up why aren't they listening? I just don't get some people, it's not about them?!!
All the very best of luck love,let us know when your little pink princess arrives

A little bit U as I'd have been grateful to get so much stuff but I understand.

It wasn't so much the pink I had a problem with it was all the cutesy stuff which normally goes with it. e.g Forever Friends, 'bunny wabbits', Winnie the Pooh etc. I REALLY don't like that kind of thing. Just not my bag.

But DD actually looks really nice in pink so I've given in a bit and have lots of brights and bold colours with some pink. Just no 'fluffiness' in sight.

People do think she's a boy though. But doesn't bother me!

havingastressyou aren't being unreasonable, I think I forgot to say that. :)
I will be the best ever MIL and GM. (I hope) Mumsnett is very educational, I take mental notes. Chances are we will be living far away when we have GC, but we'd drive in and stay in a hotel, which I enjoy doing anyways. Luckily dil to-be and I are good friends, and she will be able to tell me what she wants. I don't interfere, after my own mom's bossiness, I thrive to be the opposite.

I think your mil should put her listening hat on. Good luck with the labour and baby!!!

strive, not thrive.

Pick your battles I say! Say thank you and put them in the cupboard. Put some on DD when MIL visits. DD will grow out of them quickly and then you can give them all away. You never know, some may be useful.

Yes, you are overreacting about the clothes, but that is to be expected.

I wouldn't worry about the pink, I didn't like pink before dd was born, but was inundated with it after her birth. I got used to it. Take out what you can live with, donate the rest, mil cant complain, she was given fair warning.

You may find pink is ok after all - i don't like marmite, but I still give it to dd - and she does like it. It's ok if your child has different tastes than you. And I would also try to prepare for more pink gifts to come. It is a very popular colour choice for baby girls.

As for the visit, get dh to deal with it. she can visit but not overnight.

And Good luck with the birth :)

Sorry, just read the whole thread, yes, dh needs to be more assertive. I hope mil stays away for a bit, she sounds nuts!

Hope the induction is going quickly for you OP!

Just say thank you for all the stuff. Keep what you like and make sure the baby is wearing them when you see MIL.

Get rid of the rest - if questioned: they are in the wash, had to be thrown away due to a massive poo explosion, too big, too small......

Really hoping you'll have some good news to share with us very soon, havingastress, that everything has gone well and your MIL has had the good sense not to turn up with a suitcase so far