AIBU to think this woman is totally bonkers and unfair on her children

[issey6cats]

saw on msn main page a 61 year old woman in brazil has given birth to twins, not a surrogate but for herself, aibu to think that at this age she will be exhausted all the time, wont live to see these children past say thier thirties and is being unfair having children when most parents are looking forward to retiring and taking life a bit easier, not plunging into new motherhood, am not slating older mothers but i had my children between the ages of 18 and 24 and that was hard enough work

[honeytea]

Because you are saying that she shouldn't choose to have children because there are children already needing a home, but I can't see why just because she has to pay to have children and use IVF her desire to have a child is any more selfish than someone who is able to conceive naturally.

A young couple would be much more likely to be allowed to adopt. You can't just go down to an orphanage and pick up a baby.

[vamosbebe]

OP, you are bloody joking I hope.

To think it is one thing (to be kept to yourself) but to log on to a forum specifically to talk about this crap - you're the bonkers one!

[TheDoctrineOfSnatch]

It's unfair to assume that the children will be mini carers - the parents may have made back up arrangements with other family already.

It seems from the story that the embryos were stored from attempted IVF ten years ago and ten years is the storage limit - I imagine they were contacted on this and thought it was worth one last try rather than discarding the embryos. I imagine they were stunned when it worked.

[Inneedofbrandy]

At 61 honey not normal IVF Oh and some country's you can just pop down to the orphanage. Oh and why not adoption of IVF and other fertility treatments don't work?

[honeytea]

In Brazil you can not just pop down to the orphanage and pick up a baby, I know this because my brother is adopted from Brazil.

I am not saying IVF at 61 is normal, IVF is never "normal" it is unusual and rare but I don't think it is wrong even at 61. Unfortunatly IVF is often lots easier and cheaper than adoption.

[Juule]

Birdsgottafly : "I think that is is worth noting that she had to be delivered at 31 weeks and the babies are in SCBU weighing 2 pounds each, because of the strain on her body."

Younger women also have to be delivered early due to problems arising due to pregnancy. So, possibly pregnancy related problem and not age-related.

[Juule]

JacquelineHyde: "Yes I agree that the process of the pregnancy would be amazingly hard on an older persons body (I'm currently pg and at 34 I feel like I'm about 90 ) "

I think I might have been more inclined to agree if you had phrased this 'could' rather than 'would'. Although you feel about 90 being pg at 34, I luckily had a very easy pregnancy at almost 44 with my last baby :) so I'm don't think you could definitely say it would be amazingly hard on an older person's body. (I realise that I was almost 44 and not 61 so can't speak from experience at that age).
I also know women who have had dreadful pregnancies in their twenties.

[Inneedofbrandy]

I didn't say brazil I said other country's. Please stop pickings posts apart and adding and subtracting things I have/nt said.

Of course the older you get the more at risk you are of complications, just because one woman in her 20s had a hard time does not detract from that fact. At 44 sorry to say you would of been classed as a geriatric mother and were high risk for complications to you and baby. That would of quadrupoled I imagine for a 61 yr old.

[Juule]

What are you sorry for Inneed?
I know how I was classed and I knew of the risks. Fortunately, none of them materialised. :)

[honeytea]

But the woman in question lives in Brazil.

Lots of things increase the risks of pregnancy, age, weight, health conditions.

[Juule]

Exactly, Honeytea.

[marriedinwhite]

It's not my position to judge but at 52 I know that I am much more tired than I was at 32. Our DC are 18 and 14 and I often wonder if I will be able to given them the help I would like to be able to give them with their own children, if they have them, if they have them like I did in their mid 30s. When dd is 35 I will be 73. If at that age she needs help with childcare I'm not sure I will be able to give it.

[TheBigJessie]

...

Just to add to the discussion!

[dottyspotty2]

Nobodies business my parents where mid 30's when I was born dad was always ill I was 20 when my eldest was born and 24 when youngest was born if I had waited I wouldn't of had them due to health issues so the person who says its selfish to have them under 25 is talking bollocks their now 17,18 and 21 and very happy well adjusted young people don't tar all young parents as feckless idiots everyone is dffferent

[socharlotte]

YABU.Would you rather be born to a mother who may die when you are 30 or would you rather never be born at all?

[GothAnneGeddes]

I've been fortunate enough to have met quite a few mothers who've gone abroad to get IVF due to age. Most of them have large extended families to step in if anything happens. I don't begrudge any of them their children.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

YANBU- menopause happens for a reason.

[Alisvolatpropiis]

vamosbebe why should the OP be joking?

[TheBigJessie]

The reason being evolutionary advantage to tribes where experienced females were
a) alive (childbirth being much riskier in the days our species evolved)
b) had attention spare to advise younger females (the daughter and DILs in today's society) on what to do with their first few babies.

The woman of this thread has
A) survived childbirth due to modern medicine, and,
B) has no older children to instruct.

Although, that said, I would not want twins at 61, as a personal choice. But then, I'm not childless, and my view is very much shaped by being fortunate enough to have had some twins already!

[thebody]

God another thread judging a woman's choice re her choices to give birth at the age it suits her.

Another judgy thread about women's choices.

Errr op mind your own business, you choose to have a child at 18,so what who cares!! She chooses 61!!

Neither of those choices would be mine but what the fuck is it to do with me or you or anyone else??

[Cozy9]

People that are saying that 18-25 is "too young" to have children are talking bollocks.

[TheBigJessie]

Well, at least 18 isn't 5 1/2. Now that case was tragic.

[Proudnscary]

Umm, the great, big, huge, glaring difference between being 'too young' at 18-25 and 'too old' at 61 is that one of these categories can get pregnant naturally and the other can't!

Of course any of us could be hit by a bus as 18, 28 or 48 year old new mothers but to ignore the fact that there is a significantly higher risk of dying before your children are adults if you give birth at 61 is ludicrous.

Just because the technology and the longing - which I have a lot of sympathy with - is there doesn't mean it's a good choice to make.