AIBU to think this woman is totally bonkers and unfair on her children

[issey6cats]

saw on msn main page a 61 year old woman in brazil has given birth to twins, not a surrogate but for herself, aibu to think that at this age she will be exhausted all the time, wont live to see these children past say thier thirties and is being unfair having children when most parents are looking forward to retiring and taking life a bit easier, not plunging into new motherhood, am not slating older mothers but i had my children between the ages of 18 and 24 and that was hard enough work

[Nanny0gg]

And "menopause happens for a reason"?
I don't think anyone really knows why menopause happens.
Presumably because your body will no longer easily cope with pregnancy and childbirth?
Kinda like a clock running down?

[JaquelineHyde]

My Mum is 62 and is special guardian to my neice.

My neice has just turned 4 years old and my Mum has had full care of her since she was about 8 weeks old and she was removed from my sister as she was unable to care for her (she has paranoid psychosis).

My Mum has full PR and my neice is with her until she is 18.

My sister is now pregnant again, due in March. The baby is very likely to be removed at birth and placed permenantly with my Mum again as its special guardian.

Judging by what a lot of you are saying it would be better for these children to be placed in the care system because my Mum can't possibly care for them properly and it is unfair on them.

What a lot of judgemental idiots you all are!

[expatinscotland]

She's in Brazil! Most people don't retire there they way we do.

My gran had a baby at 47, nearly 48. Not planned, but her 7th child. Should she have not had him because others thought she was too old?

Why do you care?

You sound very immature.

YABU.

[Juule]

Nanny0gg, there have been older post-menopausal women who have coped just as well with pregnancy and birth as younger women from what I have read. So, I find that a bit unconvincing as a reason.

[Inneedofbrandy]

That is completely different jaq. Tbh your sister shouldn't be having babies she can't look after and dumping them on your mum.

[TheDoctrineOfSnatch]

The father is 55.

The embryos were frozen 10 years ago from when she last had (unsuccessful) IVF, presumably before she went through menopause (if they are her eggs). I think menopause is more to do with egg quality but I don't know if that's proven.

Her body could clearly cope with the pregnancy still given she has had a live birth.

[TheDoctrineOfSnatch]

Christ, ineed, "dumping" the babies? Jaq's sister is clearly unwell,

[JaquelineHyde]

Can you explain to me how it is different please? Because as far as I can see you either believe that older women can be just as good parents as younger women and that it isn't a problem for the child or you don't.

Also don't be a wanker making judgements about my sister of course she shouldn't be having any more children. However, she is very mentally ill and has become pregnant again. She is not dumping the child on my Mum it will have to be removed forceably at birth and then placed with my Mum without my sisters consent.

You clearly have no understanding of serious mental health issues or how the care systems work so please keep your rather naive judgements to yourself.

[JaquelineHyde]

She did have a choice. She could have said no. She still could.

Also SS could have said no. Obviously if they thought there was a risk to the child or if they felt it could potentially harm the child they would have had to say no.

[JaquelineHyde]

Thank you TheDoctrine for realising the incredible stupidity and insensitivity of Inneeds post.

[Inneedofbrandy]

Your mum doesn't have a choice though. It's that or have her gc in care I presume? I expect she would rather have her own life having already had children instead of dealing with that.

It might sound harsh but it's really not fair to have babies when you can't look after them.

[JaquelineHyde]

Without going into massive details there were loads of other options including looking to other family members (me, or one of her 5 brothers).

My Mum made an active choice to go for special guardianship and SS believed that it was completely the right choice to make so they obviously don't believe in all of this clap trap about it not being fair on the child.

[Inneedofbrandy]

Also your mother is not Purposly getting pregnent, she's being a parent to her gc so it's completely different then having a first time babie at 61.

Would your mum really choose to be a mum again?

[LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats]

AnEerieAirOfHorror
You are aware that not everyone goes to university aren't you?, you are basing it on going to university that is why you are so confused, people can be perfectly good parents and have a great income without university and some even go on to study in later life.

And yes 18 is so young. . . . . for some people, not everyone maybe you were a young 18 but ....

33 is so old, i mean that's ancient, creaky bones and dentures right?

[OwedToAutumn]

The older you get, the higher your life expectancy is. So, if, when you are born, your life expectancy is 75, by the time you are 60, it is likely to be 85, and so on. This is because "life expectancy" is an average, made up of all the possible ages people might live to.

Think about it, many people live to be a hunderd, but others die as children. But they all had a "life expectancy" of 75 when they were born.

[halcyondays]

Of course taking on the care of a grandchild to stop them having to be taken into care is completely different from setting out to have our own child at 61. But, while SS will give a child into the care of an older family member if they're able to cope, they wouldn't let a 61 year old adopt a baby. Why do you think that is?

[Nanny0gg]

jaqueline. In your mum's postion I would do exactly the same thing. However, I would not choose to get pregnant and give birth right now.

[halcyondays]

While, since many people live to be a hundred, maybe none of us should bother having babies, until we're about eighty then?

[JaquelineHyde]

My Mum has already had 7 children ranging in age from 43 to 20

There were a few more pg's after her last birth but unfortunately she miscarried and then nature took it's course and she was unable to fall pg anymore.

Because I know my Mum I know that she would never have IVF. However, if nature allowed her to continue having children later I am pretty damn sure she would have done

[SoleSource]

Shut up

[Inneedofbrandy]

Oh and when your mum is to frail to cope with the children and subsequent children I'm sure social services will step back in and not make them into mini carers for your mum.

It's completely different situation that you have projected across.

[JaquelineHyde]

Halcy my Mum is an approved foster carer and has been approved for future adoption so I'm not sure that statement stands up.