AIBU to think this woman is totally bonkers and unfair on her children

[issey6cats]

saw on msn main page a 61 year old woman in brazil has given birth to twins, not a surrogate but for herself, aibu to think that at this age she will be exhausted all the time, wont live to see these children past say thier thirties and is being unfair having children when most parents are looking forward to retiring and taking life a bit easier, not plunging into new motherhood, am not slating older mothers but i had my children between the ages of 18 and 24 and that was hard enough work

[fedupofnamechanging]

I hate this idea that it's not normal to have babies past a certain age. in the not so distant past, it wasn't normal to have organ transplants or survive certain diseases. Now we can - it's normal to progress so that each generation has things slightly better than the generations before.

I think that if she is good mother and can look after her babies, then nothing else about her is anyone else's business!

[honeytea]

Having fertility treatment doesn't solve the problem it just in many cases passes the issue down to the next generation, things like pcos and low sperm count are often genetic so is it natural to create more children that will possibly struggle with their own fertility in the future? Me and my DP both have fertility issues (pcos and sperm issues) and we decided to have a baby anyway but I don't think it is "natural" but then I feel like we live in a time when unnatural medical intervention is used all the time and we accept it, but when it comes to motherhood people seem keen to judge easilly. The option for the Brazilian woman's babies is to never be born or to be born and probably loose their mother when they are young.

[halcyondays]

It's very short sighted to think only of whether she can look after her babies, she needs to be able to look after them for at least the next 18 years.

Being able to survive diseases that used to kill us is a great thing, obviously. Losing a parent at a young age is an awful thing.

[BeauNeidel]

I had twins at 26 and it was fucking hard. They were my first so I didn't have any other children to run round after, but the sleep deprivation as they tag-teamed with waking during the night made me physically ill. I think she is crazy for that reason alone!

I think it's wrong for other reasons as well. Women's bodies are not built for babies after menopause. Even if she has a strong support network, that network should be in place to help not to do the bulk of looking after them which will probably happen as she gets older.

'I think that if she is good mother and can look after her babies, then nothing else about her is anyone else's business!' - how does anyone know at this point if she is a good mother? For all anyone knows, she could be utter shit. My mum will be 61 in three years time, she is a fab nanny to my children, and I don't doubt if by a miracle she had a child now she would be a fab mum. BUT, I also know that despite not having any medical issues, she is getting older and while we might not want to admit it, it does have a huge affect on the body.

[SirBoobAlot]

Just because you can do it doesn't mean you should.

I think its highly selfish. She's obviously wanted to be a mother for a long time, but most people are becoming grandparents at 61. These are her first children, so there won't be older siblings to look after them if / when she dies whilst they are young.

And I think the comparison between having a child at 18 and having one in your sixties is ridiculous.

[Nanny0gg]

I'm not yet 60 and from my perspective I think it's wrong. I am reasonably young and fit for my age and my DGC wear me out and I don't have them 24/7.
I know we interfere with nature all the time, and in most cases I'm happy that we do. However our bodies and minds do deteriorate with age and we haven't really been able to reverse that process yet. I think when women have gone through menopause that should be respected and they shouldn't be able to have fertility treatment.

[TheBigJessie]

Love the idea that ability to parent comes down to ability to send one's child to a private preparatory!

Even most MNers would fail that test!

[doyouwantfrieswiththat]

Having an opinion isn't unreasonable, expecting everyone to agree with it is.

[fatfingers]

If this is the woman I have seen on TV recently, I understand that she has a much younger husband and she was saying it was him, not her, who wanted children so she did it for him. Perhaps he is going to the main carer.

[5ThingsUnderTheBed]

I cannot comprehend someone having a child at that age, why wait until that age to have children? I am not that woman though, I know nothing of her life so cannot judge her reasons.

DH was born when his mam was nearly 40, that was quite old back in those days. Now more and more women are having their first children at that age, perfectly the norm. Who is to say in 30 years time having a child at 60 won't be the norm.

Here is a lovely story of a 61 year old having a baby.

[LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats]

*How do you afford a prep school at 20 years old? Who is paying for that?

• 
  

shocking, maybe the parents of the child you do know that not every young mother is on benefits and poor, right?

At 18 most children are going off to uni
Well i doubt it because an 18 year old child probably wouldn't get in, an 18 year old is an adult (some may be less mature but there are plenty of 30 year old's too)

As hard as it may be to believe, there are plenty of young families doing just fine, some in fact better than there older counterparts.

No i am not naive, i get that the majority of 18 year old's will not be in the position to provide prep school for their children, but the majority of older parents won't be either that is why so many children aren't in prep schools.

[KentuckyFriedChildren]

some women may well be capable of raising children later in life. my nan raised me until i was 10 and my parents fancied a bit of happy families and she was in her mid 70s when i was born. but menopause happens for a reason and i dont think its fair for the children who may end up without a mum. i would say the same for a man too.

i myself had my oldest at 18 and could afford private if i wanted for all of them but i dont. we can do that because we worked hard and saved. dh is only a year older than btw. we planned and paid for our kids ourselves thanks not irresponsible or selfish at all

[LolaDontCryOverSlitThroats]

kentucky is exactly what i am talking about, not every young mother is skint, in a council flat with zero prospects.

[fedupofnamechanging]

I remember reading somewhere that older fathers are more likely to have babies with birth defects. Yet older men can have babies naturally. Nature can't be relied on 100% to 'know best'.

Are we going to say it is wrong for older men to produce children, even though their partners are much younger and may well be doing a lot of the physical work involved?

I don't know if this woman will be a good parent, but equally I don't know that she won't. Her age is not relevant to this - all that really matters is that the kids are loved and provided for.

Of course losing your mum at any age is terrible, but she could live for the next 30 odd years. Life is not reliable for any of us, really. We all just make calculated risks.

I'm interested in the fact that older dads don't get all this criticism, even though they are just as likely to leave behind young children. Are people saying that the mum is more important than the dad, in the raising of children?

[AnEerieAirOfHorror]

But you are only allowed to start work at 16 so in 2 years and no A levers or degree you saved enoght for a house and all the things a child needs?

Do you have to be 21 for a mortage?
17 to drive
18 to go to uni

I know alot of 18 year olds that are working, renting, doing a OU degree and are parents. They work really hard and gp provide free childcare. I know someone who had her first at 17 yo and is now a director of a company with great money.

But i have never ment anyone who was 20 yo getting a degree and with a 2/3 year old in a private preschool. Where the 18yo had earned the money themself. I guess if you were a child actor or singer its do able?

But its so young.

[halcyondays]

Older dads do get criticism, and quite rightly. The only difference is that they will usually have a younger partner, whereas in some cases, of older women going to dodgy fertility clinics, they are single and the poor child may well be left orphaned. Perhaps not in this case, as someone mentioned that she has a younger partner?

[Startailoforangeandgold]

I don't think you can have a cut off without being massively sexist.

I think, ideally DCs need one parent 50 or less. DH's dad was 56, but lived to 90 so saw our wedding, but not his GChildren.
Sadly DMIL (16 years his junior) died a couple of years later at 77, so she just met DD1, but not DD2 or DSILs lovely DCs

[Juule]

Yabu.

And "menopause happens for a reason"?
I don't think anyone really knows why menopause happens.

[MrsBovary]

What is life expectancy in Brazil for women, mid 70s?