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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have wanted to be consulted about ear piercing?

48 replies

lilachair · 27/10/2012 16:37

My girls are with their dad for his half of half term. Have just received email pics to show that DD2 (8) has had her ears pierced.

I have no problem with her having them done. None at all. She asked me a few weeks ago, when her dad was out of the country for 4 weeks and I said I was fine for her to have them done, but was something I would talk to daddy about. I confess it had slipped my mind, but he only got back last week, and then the girls were away with my parents.

When DD1 (10) had hers done last year I discussed with him and he came with us for her to have it done.

I went with my mum to have mine done when I was 7 and its one of the few memories I have of us doing something together, just the two of us. So I guess I have it down as a mum thing.

I wanted to be with her when she had it done Sad

Also I wanted to hold off a bit as she is going to have her tonsils out fairly soon and I know the earrings will have to come out for that.

And I wanted to be there.

Am I being unreasonable to mention that he really should have discussed it with me? We don't have the best relationship at the moment. the divorce is going through and he really doesn't want to give me any of his money.

OP posts:
Original poster
lilachair · 27/10/2012 16:38

That is probably far too long a post about earrings Blush

OP posts:
Knowsabitabouteducation · 27/10/2012 16:39

20 seconds with a staple gun is not really something to get wistful about. Msave your emotions for something really important.

Original poster
lilachair · 27/10/2012 16:40

Good point nods

OP posts:
lljkk · 27/10/2012 16:47

Tonsils thing sounds like an important issue. DD had hers done at 9 & it took about 10 months to settle, still seal up if they are left for 3-4 days.

Original poster
lilachair · 27/10/2012 16:49

lljkk Yes... but she will deffo have to take them out for the op. Which is why I wanted to talk to him about when. Also something for her to look forward too, rather than just on a random Saturday.

I guess I can take her when she needs to have the redone Hmm

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Original poster
lilachair · 27/10/2012 16:50

*them

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mynewpassion · 27/10/2012 16:50

You had already given permission for her to get her ears pierced. She asked her dad after your agreement. YABU.

If he had it done without your permission, YANBU. But that was not the case.

lljkk · 27/10/2012 16:52

When is the tonsils op?

Original poster
lilachair · 27/10/2012 16:52

mynewpassion Yee-eees. But he only had her say so that I had agreed. And they (the DDs) have a teeny bit of a history of saying 'mum/dad said it was ok' when we might not have exactly said that. So I'm really surprised he didn't check.

I'm honestly not looking for things to kick off about. despite what he thinks

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Original poster
lilachair · 27/10/2012 16:53

lljkk not sure, she has just been referred, but she has private health cover, so probably pretty soon. Certainly in next 3 mths.

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CajaDeLaMemoria · 27/10/2012 16:55

I think it's your own memory with your mum that has made you feel this way - I can't remember who was with me when I had mine done. Neither can my sisters.

I do remember picking out nice earrings with my foster parents, when they could finally be changed. That was a lovely experience, and I have the earrings we chose, so maybe you could go out to get some nice ones together, and have cake or something? Then she can look forward to that, and you can make some nice memories.

Interestingly, people who didn't have their ears done with guns seem to remember it more - did you? With guns, it's over in seconds, and the noise takes over the experience. Says the girl who screamed so much I had to go home and have the other side done a few days later

Original poster
lilachair · 27/10/2012 17:02

Caja I think you are absolutely right. It's not that big a deal, but it's made me stupidly teary I wasn't there. I do loads and loads of lovely memory making stuff with them though. So I need to get over it I suppose. Just when I had girls I assumed it would be a thing that I did with them.

I did have a gun. And my mum had hers done first and made it look like it really hurt so maybe thats why its seared on my memory

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Gimblinginthewabe · 27/10/2012 17:09

I read the title and thought OMG thats awful, but reading the rest I don't think he was unreasonable. You said she could have them done and he did it. I'm guessing the girls live with you so its nice that they have something special they have done together.

marriedinwhite · 27/10/2012 17:11

It's small stuff. The earrings will be fine to be out for an hour or two after 6 weeks for the tonsils. If you have private health cover you can organise that. Better you are there when she wakes up from the tonsils than for the ear piercing imo. not big enough to sweat over - pick your battles.

mynewpassion · 27/10/2012 17:24

But in this situation, the children didn't lie. Probably as you and your ex talked about this specific issue last year when it came up with DD1, he didn't need to discuss it further with you if DD2 already informed him that you said yes. Again, she didn't lie.

If the ears closed up, you can take her again. Not a big deal at all.

MrsCantSayAnything · 27/10/2012 17:25

Take her out on a special trip to choose earrings for when they can be changed. She'll remember that.x

akaemmafrost · 27/10/2012 17:29

I'd be pissed off too.

VivaLeBeaver · 27/10/2012 17:29

It's a silly time of year to do it as she'll struggle taking them out for PE next week won't she?

SunflowersSmile · 27/10/2012 17:32

I would be furious BUT because I would not have given permission.
However, even if you are happy with ear piercing you should have been consulted so YANBU.

mutny · 27/10/2012 17:32

yabu, but I get it.

But he is there dad and he may have felt the same as you and I am sure he misses out on loads.

Its not a massive deal and you had agreed. Its not battle I would insist on fighting.

Original poster
lilachair · 27/10/2012 17:34

Thank you everyone Smile

My rational head is saying you are right. I shall chill the fuck out Grin and take her to get them re-done when they inevitably close up

Will definitely take her to get pretty earrings. Will definitely be there when she wakes up after op.

mynewpassion no, I wasn't saying she was lying, I had said yes. But he had not heard that from me, and we have said that we would check these sorts of things in case. And when DD1 had hers done I went to an effort to let him know when etc so he could come too, which he did. It would have been nice if the same courtesy had been extended. But in the grand scheme of things I suppose not worth a row. So i shall shut up and just tell DD2 how pretty they look.

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Original poster
lilachair · 27/10/2012 17:36

Viva Agreed. I don't know what she'll do about PE. DD1 had hers done at start of school hols so they could be taken out for school Confused

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Original poster
lilachair · 27/10/2012 17:36

I suppose I could ask him what she should do....

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SunflowersSmile · 27/10/2012 17:38

Our school allows surgical tape to be put over stud earrings that cannot be removed on PE days.

Original poster
lilachair · 27/10/2012 17:40

sunflowers I'll get a roll and write a note. Or ask him to get a roll and write a note. Thanks.

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