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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have wanted to be consulted about ear piercing?

48 replies

lilachair · 27/10/2012 16:37

My girls are with their dad for his half of half term. Have just received email pics to show that DD2 (8) has had her ears pierced.

I have no problem with her having them done. None at all. She asked me a few weeks ago, when her dad was out of the country for 4 weeks and I said I was fine for her to have them done, but was something I would talk to daddy about. I confess it had slipped my mind, but he only got back last week, and then the girls were away with my parents.

When DD1 (10) had hers done last year I discussed with him and he came with us for her to have it done.

I went with my mum to have mine done when I was 7 and its one of the few memories I have of us doing something together, just the two of us. So I guess I have it down as a mum thing.

I wanted to be with her when she had it done

Also I wanted to hold off a bit as she is going to have her tonsils out fairly soon and I know the earrings will have to come out for that.

And I wanted to be there.

Am I being unreasonable to mention that he really should have discussed it with me? We don't have the best relationship at the moment. the divorce is going through and he really doesn't want to give me any of his money.

OP posts:

oldraver · 27/10/2012 19:22

I think it silly to get them done at this time of year if they need them out for PE and especially as she's having an op where she will need to take them out. As he has had them done without thinking about it (which he cant of taken these things into consideration) then I would ask tell him he has to deal with sorting it out.

Though depends whether it would cause friction and if you want to avoid that

chocolatelime · 27/10/2012 19:44

My DD had an operation recently and her ears had been recently pierced (it was an emergency admission). It was no problem at all and the nurse was happy to put tape over her earrings. As long as you explain the situation, I am sure it will be fine.

Original poster

lilachair · 27/10/2012 20:08

Really chocolatelime? Oh, that's good. Thank you (hope your DD is ok)

oldraver Yes... tricky as I do everything else with them, but I shall try and politely decline responsibility... Hopefully all will be straightforward.

OP posts:

chocolatelime · 27/10/2012 20:53

Yes, she is fine now, thank you lilachair although it was very traumatic at the time.

I'm sure that your DD is over the moon to have her ears pierced, although I know I would feel the same as you in this situation. Hopefully her ears will heal quickly and it won't cause a problem for her at school/hospital.

foreverondiet · 27/10/2012 21:24

YAB a tiny bit U. FWIW I wouldn't mind DH taking DD (aged 9).

You said it was ok. Her big sister has already had them done.

I had them done aged 12 and even though I have an excellent memory I don't remember having them done.

re: op, fine to be out for a couple of hours after 4-6 weeks.

theodorakis · 27/10/2012 21:58

They won't make her take them out for surgery, they will just tape them

theodorakis · 27/10/2012 22:00

Maybe he was just being nice it is allowed even if you have left the bastard would make smile face but on iPad

Iteotwawki · 27/10/2012 22:01

Not commenting on the piercing side of things as I detest children with pierced ears.

However for the surgery side of things she shouldn't need to take them out. None of my patients remove earrings before surgery, we just cover them with tape so they don't get caught & rip earlobes while we are transferring from table to bed.

The only piercings I insist on removing are tongue studs (they affect airway management) and navel piercings for laparoscopic surgery (they get I the surgeon's way).

Unless your DD needs ear surgery her earrings will be fine covered with tape.

Original poster

lilachair · 27/10/2012 23:29

OK. I'm relaxed about the surgery side now.

And I'm pleased she is having a nice time with him, he is their dad after all.

But please don't detest my children Iteotwawki, they really are rather lovely.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 27/10/2012 23:33

If your DD went to my DS's school, she'd have to take her earrings out.

They don't allow taping over because there have been too many ripped ears and lost earrings when the tape is taken off...or fiddled with by the child.

MimiSunshine · 27/10/2012 23:38

I can see why you are annoyed that he just took her word and didn't check, but its also likely that you'll just come across as overly pedantic so id let this go. If when the girls fib to dad then make your point of checking the facts first [hgrin]

blackeyedsusan · 28/10/2012 00:14

she may have to take them out for school anyway.

theodorakis · 28/10/2012 06:37

What a very horrid thing to say, who would detest a child? My detestables were done before 1 year and I don't care what you think. please tell me where you work though so I can avoid you being my nurse.

Iteotwawki · 28/10/2012 06:43

I'm a doctor not a nurse. And it's highly unlikely you or your children will ever be my patients.

I should perhaps have phrased it slightly more correctly - I detest seeing pierced ears on children. Not the children themselves.

And for what it's worth, those children who have pierced ears who are unfortunate enough to be my patients get the same standard of nurturing care as those children without. Enough that I have several grateful letters from parents in my portfolio. Why I'm being defensive about this I don't know.

lljkk · 28/10/2012 14:14

Lol @ Iteotwawki, You have encountered the MNers famous ability to pick apart what you said & rearrange it to mean something you never meant much less thought of.

theodorakis · 28/10/2012 15:36

You are quite right. That was really bitchy. Sorry.

Proudnscary · 28/10/2012 15:40

YANBU and hope all goes well with the op x

LynetteScavo · 28/10/2012 15:45

Well, I don't think YABU, but then I wouldn't want anyone else taking my DC to the hairdressers.

(Yes I probably have control freak issues)

ChippingInLovesAutumn · 28/10/2012 15:47

I think it was mean of him to go and treat her to this and not include you, as you did for him with DD1. It has also taken away some of the fun of it by not having it to look forward to and enjoy as a proper 'treat' not just a 'nip in and do it as we're passing Boots' :( Still, as others have said, make a date for going to choose some nice new earings & maybe afternoon tea out or something.

I would also say to him that you feel it was mean spirited of him to exclude you, when you included him, but if that's how he wants it to be... then so be it, but it's a shame for the girls to have to feel like it's one parent OR the other for stuff, not occasionally both of you as you did GIT.

treas · 28/10/2012 18:48

If they went off an bought her first bra then I could see why you were upset - definitely a mum and daughter moment.

Mind you I was 15 when I had my ears pierced and went with two of my best girl friend - we spotted Bruce Foxton from the Jam who then did a runner because we'd seen him - stupid arse.

pushitreallgood · 28/10/2012 20:28

two minds about this one, i would prob be upset if i my ex took my dd and did it as i took my eldest and did it with her, however my dp wanted to take his little girl to get her's done for her birthday and her mum said no and that she was't allowed them until she was 16. little girl wants them obviously dad wanted to do it for her mum point blank refused. so i can see how it can be just a special thing between father and daughter and how a lot of things that mothers take for granted as being the things that we should get to decided or, do with them actually not so confident about.

pushitreallgood · 28/10/2012 20:32

also when i took dd2 to get her's done exh was really pissed off as i didnt mention it to him or tell him about it before hand. so blokes get touchy about these things to. we were together then.

Original poster

lilachair · 29/10/2012 08:45

Thanks all. I can see it's mixed opinion, which is reassuring. I've decided to zen it out and not make it a thing, just be super happy for her that she has had it done.

I am however fuming that the one thing I asked him to do (get school boots for them to go back to school in tomorrow) he has not managed to do. So my planned day of Halloween fun will be interrupted by bloody shoe shopping.

I shall also smile and nod and just get on with it as I can't be bothered with a fight about it, and it won't magically make boots appear.

OP posts:

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