Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

AIBU to be a bit annoyed with DH for giving DS a toy 'we' don't approve of?

96 replies

Jojoba1986 · 26/10/2012 22:01

DS has just turned 1 & was given a My First Mp3 Player by a close acquaintance. I appreciate the thought but I've always had strong feelings about gadget-y type toys for little ones which I thought DH understood & supported. At the moment I'm stuck in bed at 8 weeks pregnant with awful nausea & dizziness so DH is looking after DS & chose to give him the toy. He then came upstairs & said, "You're probably going to be cross but..."

I know that him playing with it once isn't going to instantly going to rot his mind or anything but it's the principle of the thing. I thought DH & I had agreed that we weren't going to give DS electronic toys yet & I feel a bit like he's just undermined our parenting choices, albeit on a minor thing.

AIBU to feel a little upset with him for doing something he knew I wouldn't like?

(This isn't a natural vs electronic toy thread. It's our choice which we have discussed at length to come to our decision. Also, DS has lots of new toys which aren't gadget-y that DH could have given him!)

OP posts:

Hulababy · 26/10/2012 22:03

Is it just something that plays music?
Or that it is electronic?

Sounds like DH doesn't have the same issues over it as you.

Whooooosualsuspect · 26/10/2012 22:05

He's one he won't know what it is, he will just bash it about a bit.

YABU.

Clawdy · 26/10/2012 22:05

But your DH didn't buy the toy. What were you going to do with it,send it to the charity shop? YABU,I think. The main thing is,did your DS like it??

Cahoots · 26/10/2012 22:17

I think YABU for worrying about this. I think the fact you think he has undermined (your joint) parenting choices is very precious and uptight sounding. If you don't like the toy you can easily put it in a cupboard and get it out when the close acquaintance visits.

The fact that you and your DH have discussed this issue at length and yet he still bought the toy home and gave it to your DS suggests that he doesn't care about the non gadget'y rule.

honeytea · 26/10/2012 22:19

yabu won't ds just suck the toy and throw it on the floor?

borisjohnsonshair · 26/10/2012 22:20

You'll probably look back at this thread in a year's time and laugh your socks off. I know it seems important, and that it's your DH going against your wishes that's got you riled, but in the grand scheme of things, it's really not important.

MrsRhettButler · 26/10/2012 22:21

It sounds like this isn't something your dh has an issue with but has agreed to because you do.

And wooooooooosual has a point, he's one, he's gonna bash it around a bit and probably break it anyway! Win win IMO

halcyondays · 26/10/2012 22:23

Yabu. What harm is it going to do?

OwedToAutumn · 26/10/2012 22:30

The thing is, that different things are important to different people. I am really hot on table manners, but DH isn't. He thinks walking around the house in your outdoor shoes is beyond the pale, and I'm not fussed.

Perhaps you just need to let it go.

LunaticFringe · 26/10/2012 22:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Jojoba1986 · 26/10/2012 23:02

As I said originally, this is not about our original decision not to give our child these toys. We discussed it while I was doing training in early years education & made the decision together. I'm frustrated that he chose to go against that decision without discussing it. I would never do something that I knew he felt strongly about without talking to him about it, no matter what my feelings about it were. This wouldn't be an issue if someone else had given him the toy to play with. It's not about the toy. I feel like I've spent the last year playing by all the 'rules' that we agreed together & I've left them alone together for one day because I'm unable to look after DS at the moment & he's just ignoring the decisions we made as a couple.

OP posts:

Whooooosualsuspect · 26/10/2012 23:04

You need to relax a bit, really,

I mean that kindly.

PickledFanjoCat · 26/10/2012 23:05

You don't sound like your going to change your mind anyway, but for the record I think you are being a little bit uptight, I wouldn't be in a rush to give a laptop or Nintendo ds etc but a little music player that he will probably just get spitty, nope can't see it!

TheWave · 26/10/2012 23:05

I would also be annoyed by this. He's only one, there are plenty of other toys without starting with this sort of gadget.

AgnesBligg · 26/10/2012 23:08

It sounds like you made the rules and dh shrugged and went along with it.

I don't think you should worry. Their memories will still be of heuristic baskets and perhaps mum being relaxed about the odd electronic music being thrown in. Maybe...

DoMeDon · 26/10/2012 23:09

YANBU - you made a decision together after discussion, he knew you wouldn't like it so was aware it went 'against' your joint decision and did it anyway. The subject may be trivial but I would find that disrespectful, whatever the subject was. If he felt it wasn't important, he could have said at the time you talked about it, rather than wait for you to be incapacitated and do as he pleased.

lola88 · 26/10/2012 23:09

Would you let him listen to the radio? kids cd? if so then YABU. TBH if your DH gave it to him then it's prob not a decision you made together it's something you decided and he went along with if he was happy with the choice he wouldn't have given it.

It's not an xbox fully loaded with call of duty it's just some music

Floggingmolly · 26/10/2012 23:11

Maybe he didn't realise it was a 'rule'

Cahoots · 26/10/2012 23:13

Do you usually agree with each other? Do you feel he undermined you? It sounds like you are very rigid in your views. Your DH obviously did not see that this mattered and that he did not mind that you would not approve of what he had done. You can kick up a fuss so he behaves in future or you can let it go.

NatashaBee · 26/10/2012 23:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

apostropheuse · 26/10/2012 23:16

You'll have many more things to worry about in the future with your children. Really you should try to relax about this. It's not actually that serious.

Viviennemary · 26/10/2012 23:20

I think it's a bit of a fuss about absolutely nothing. A one year old won't even understand the first thing about it except it plays music. Sounds as if it is just a special toy adapted for babies.

Bigwheel · 26/10/2012 23:21

Uabu, relax or you'll never get though the next 18 years. Perhaps your dh has realised this before you?

pigletmania · 26/10/2012 23:25

Yabu and overreacting

BustersOfDoom · 26/10/2012 23:32

YABU. I imagine your DH is perhaps struggling a little whilst you are incapacitated and has given your DS the mp3 player so he can get on and do the domestic duties that need doing whilst your DS is distracted and content.

If you've been on MN a while you will have seen countless threads about this kind of thing - how no DC of mine... would have a dummy, wear disposable nappies, wear man made fabrics, be formula fed, be exposed to tv etc etc. We all hope for this kind of thing but then real life kicks in and we do what we have to do to get through and very few of us can meet the very stringent targets we have set ourselves.

Lighten up a little, it's an mp3 player and music. Playing music to your bump was all the rage in the 1980s when I was pregnant. Is playing music to a baby any different? Maybe your DH is trying his best to keep your DS entertained so he can do all the domestics so that you can get the rest you need. You do sound a little inflexible and your DH surely has an equal say?

Flip

1 2 3 4