AIBU to be a bit annoyed with DH for giving DS a toy 'we' don't approve of?

[Jojoba1986]

DS has just turned 1 & was given a My First Mp3 Player by a close acquaintance. I appreciate the thought but I've always had strong feelings about gadget-y type toys for little ones which I thought DH understood & supported. At the moment I'm stuck in bed at 8 weeks pregnant with awful nausea & dizziness so DH is looking after DS & chose to give him the toy. He then came upstairs & said, "You're probably going to be cross but..."

I know that him playing with it once isn't going to instantly going to rot his mind or anything but it's the principle of the thing. I thought DH & I had agreed that we weren't going to give DS electronic toys yet & I feel a bit like he's just undermined our parenting choices, albeit on a minor thing.

AIBU to feel a little upset with him for doing something he knew I wouldn't like?

(This isn't a natural vs electronic toy thread. It's our choice which we have discussed at length to come to our decision. Also, DS has lots of new toys which aren't gadget-y that DH could have given him!)

Was it a joint decision though it all very much seems to be about what the OP wants. Surely he should get a say in which toys his child plays with when in his care?

I think your title says it all "a toy 'we' don't approve of. You obviously realise you mean I don't approve of. In which case, it's something you need to sit down and talk about again.

I remember a friend (also educated in childcare) telling me that allowing children under 2 to watch tv was incredibly harmful. She was obviously passionate about it, and had read enough to believe it. Maybe that's how you feel about gadgets. I think you need to realise that other people will be as passionately against your view. It doesn't mean that either of your views are necessarily wrong, but it does mean that you might have to compromise. I think it sounds like your dh just went along with you on this one (for a quiet life?), but in reality disagreed.

How did you discuss it? Did you say "I think x because of what I've read, what do you think based on your experience?" and come up with a decision? Or did you hammer away about your research and insist on making a decision for both of you? If it was more like this, then you are being unreasonable in asking your dh to stick by it without question or being able to put his opinion forward. I think communication is your problem (for both of you).

"Bloody hell the things people get het up about"

Useful advice I'm sure. God this site has got bitchy lately.

I will never understand why people choose to make such heavy going of parenting.

You're pregnant, ill, stuck in bed and now upset with your DH about something that doesn't matter IN THE SLIGHTEST.

Why not just try to compromise and relax a little bit and just enjoy your family instead of worrying about something so utterly insignificant?

This is AIBU I didn't realise advice was required! And mn has always been bitchy

I think you'll probably need to rethink your no gadget rule soon anyway. Now your DS is 1 he's presumably at least crawling and will soon be walking. TV remote, telephone, mobile, computer, DVD player, radio, washing machine, dish washer... all those lovely buttons just waiting to be pressed

your baby is 1 years old he wont care if it is electronic and you said 'we' you meant you your husband thinks of it as a toy that is all it is just because it uses batteries doesn't make it a bad thing, it is music babies like music in ye olde days it was windy up musical toys now it is technology, yaba little U about it imo

Two thoughts strike me here:

a) it wasn't just you who might be upset; your dh was faced with a choice between upsetting you and upsetting the kind friend who gave the gift.
This is something you are going to have to discuss increasingly as your ds gets older: how you are going to balance your own principles against the risk of other people getting their feelings hurt and/or feeling less comfortable engaging with your ds? If you stay very uptight about your rules as he starts school, you may find that not that many parents care to have him round or sending their own children round yours, because they are afraid of falling foul of your rules. This doesn't mean you should cave in on every occasion; just that you need to keep a balance so as not to make other people uncomfortable.

b) are you absolutely sure that you never have or never will slightly stretched a principle yourself without consulting your dh first?
As your ds grows and you find his needs are not what you initially thought, this is likely to happen sooner or later. When it does, do you feel you have special rights to change a rule ds' main carer (which would be very dodgy ground) or will you literally never be able to take an executive decision without waiting for your dh to come home?

Are you serious?! Yes you are being unreasonable. Gadget toys aside, this is hardly a major parenting decision that you have been 'undermined' on. You need to get over yourself.

You possibly need to relax a bit OP.

It's a music player.

I'm sure it won't harm your baby.

And it sounds like your DH was worried about how you would react - do you make a lot of the decisions unilaterally and he just goes along with it because he thinks you "must know best"?

You need to unclench.
I bet you told DH what the rules were and you thought that meant you agreed.

You will have such bigger fish to fry.

Let your child chew and salivate all over this toy won't you

Yabu.
Unclench woman!

When I was a toddler I had a fisher price record player that came with pianola type discs

When dd was a baby she had a toy cassette player.

What's the difference?

Children like music. It's actually good for their development to listen to it.

Yes...but the Fisher Price record player is retro and therefore acceptable...MP3 players are common!

It certainly was retro when I was 2 - it was fake toy technology.

I remember being bought my first real cassette recorder when I was 5. I loved it. Used to tape the top 40.

I ended up doing a music degree!

Wasn't retro

When my DD (now 9) was born I said no plastic tat in the house and certainly nothing with batteries. I told my parents and DH's parents and her first birthday presents were blocks and dolls etc.

When it was her 2nd birthday she got loads of battery operated toys and she opened them and loved them. Have acquired loads more over the years (generally not bought by us).

Relax, its not a feasible policy, and anyway you DS is tiny you can disappear it whenever you want.

Now I go shopping and I let DS2 watch teletubbies on my phone, its the only way he'll stay in his buggy!

I had one of these when I was tiny. I loved it. I loved it so much.

I suspect that if you were my mum, I wouldn't have been allowed it. [hsad]

Oh, I can see your point. If it was something you agreed and he went back on it, then its kinda annoying. I remember when when my pfb was a few months old and I was ill in bed. Dh was looking after her and he gave her a dummy, (came free with the sterilisor). Any way I came downstairs and I was a bit pissed off as we had agreed not to use a dummy. But as time goes on, you find you don't care that much, and what seemed important really isn't anymore. That dummy turned out to be an absolute life saver

I wouldn't be worried about the toy, but I would about not being consulted about the change of plan in giving it to your DS. I think it's important to check with your partner before making changes that affect them, even small ones. (I got this idea from marriagebuilders.com.) It would have been better if he'd either stuck to what he said or tried to persuade you to agree with him.

So YANBU, but I wouldn't make a big thing of it. Perhaps ask your DH what he thinks about this idea www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html?

YABU It's just a childs toy that plays music.