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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be a bit annoyed with DH for giving DS a toy 'we' don't approve of?

96 replies

Jojoba1986 · 26/10/2012 22:01

DS has just turned 1 & was given a My First Mp3 Player by a close acquaintance. I appreciate the thought but I've always had strong feelings about gadget-y type toys for little ones which I thought DH understood & supported. At the moment I'm stuck in bed at 8 weeks pregnant with awful nausea & dizziness so DH is looking after DS & chose to give him the toy. He then came upstairs & said, "You're probably going to be cross but..."

I know that him playing with it once isn't going to instantly going to rot his mind or anything but it's the principle of the thing. I thought DH & I had agreed that we weren't going to give DS electronic toys yet & I feel a bit like he's just undermined our parenting choices, albeit on a minor thing.

AIBU to feel a little upset with him for doing something he knew I wouldn't like?

(This isn't a natural vs electronic toy thread. It's our choice which we have discussed at length to come to our decision. Also, DS has lots of new toys which aren't gadget-y that DH could have given him!)

OP posts:
bryonywhisker · 27/10/2012 08:54

what nocake said

yabu, your relationship won't survive if you get so angsty about things like this in these circumstances

nocake · 27/10/2012 08:58

Why wouldn't you be grateful that your partner is looking after your child? If you weren't you'd just be taking them for granted. I am always grateful when DW looks after DD, does the washing, mows the lawn and all the other things he does just as she's grateful for all the things I do.

KaFayOLay · 27/10/2012 09:02

Yabu.
Lighten upSmile

Pumpster · 27/10/2012 09:04

Bloody hell the things people get het up about Hmm

porthcurnick · 27/10/2012 09:29

DH is doing his best, he's looking after DS, the house and is probably worried about you.

You have to be flexible as a parent when things are out of the usual routine, when people are ill etc.

Is it something like this www.elc.co.uk/Little-Learning-MP3-Player-and-Docking-Station/134335,default,pd.html

It really isn't that big a deal, it's just a bit of music, DH obv didn't think it's actually that big deal either did he, let it go and relax, look after yourself and don't get all stressed it really doesn't matter.

I hope you feel better soon.

Witchety · 27/10/2012 09:47

Do you have these 'discussions' a lot?

And as for your early years training, what did you 'learn' which put you off this kind of thing??

HeinousHecate · 27/10/2012 10:46

What strikes me is that you think you made a 'joint decision' but clearly you didn't.

You say that you 'discussed' it while you were doing training in early years education.

I bet that what happened was that you got all this information about the right way to play and went on and on about it and how vital it was and how it must be done this way Grin and he went ok then, fair enough, I agree. Grin

So not so much something you both believe passionately in, but something that you learned about and felt strongly about and he went along with, making all the right noises but in reality, secretly not really giving a shit Grin

I hate it when they do that. Far better to just be honest and say actually, I'm really not that bothered.

TobyLerone · 27/10/2012 10:52

Sounds like it's your parenting choices, OP, not 'yours' as a couple.

YABU and a bit mad.

crazygracieuk · 27/10/2012 10:56

A lot of baby toys involve press the button and hear the music/voice (Leapfrog and Vtech make £££ peddling that sort of thing) so try and let this one go.

The fact that he said that it would annoy you rather than he is annoyed with himself for giving a gadget suggests that he doesn't believe in the no gadget thing as strongly as you.
Take it from a more experienced parent- it's ok (and totally normal) to change your mind about parenting issues. You will look back and laugh at your pfb views in a few years. I really thought that I would breast feed, never use a dummy, have an unfussy and well behaved child but life doesn't work like that. %23hollowlaugh

HeinousHecate · 27/10/2012 10:58

oh, crazy! I remember doing all that.

I remember pontificating about the evil dummy and doing the whole snotty my child will never...

hokeycakey · 27/10/2012 11:05

It is ok for your dh to do things differently to you, I think you should be united on the important things but though I wouldn't take ds for fast food or let him watch star wars or eat his lunch in front of the tv dh does, in fact now I roll my eyes we all laugh and ds knows its a "daddy" thing that he loves to do together. It's fun to have different roles as parents but still present a united front

Anyway please chill out a bit you will all be happier

BeatTheClock · 27/10/2012 11:05

Yabu. Your dh obviously doesn't feel the same. Hope you feel better soon.

Dh used to look after dd when I was feeling horrendous when pregnant. He could have given her anything to play with - I just wanted to lie there in peaceGrin

quirrelquarrel · 27/10/2012 11:05

It's not about the gadget (though I totally see where you're coming from!), it's about the that that her DH went ahead and did something concerning their child that she disagrees with. Whether it's a slippery slope or not, her DH should have listened and especially not taken advantage (sorry but it looks like it) of the fact that the OP is ill!

Tuttutitlookslikerain · 27/10/2012 11:15

From your OP it sounds like you made the decision and expected your DH to go along with it. It is only a toy, it isn't doing him any harm, and if you did training in Early Years Eduaction you will know about the emphasis on technology.

Relax a little bit. You are poorly, DH is doing his best.

hokeycakey · 27/10/2012 11:26

Her dh didn't physically discipline the child or let him watch an 18 film or anything else that could be potentially harmful I really think this needs to be in perspective is your dh really so incompetent that he cannot make parenting decisions without your wise and educated input

MyDonkeysAZombie · 27/10/2012 11:41

Hope you're feeling less sick and dizzy today OP. Even if you were being a bit unreasonable maybe the thread will help distract from feeling so poorly (grasps at straws).

GwendolineScaryLacey · 27/10/2012 11:48

I had a similar debate with DH over letting dd1 out of her car seat when the car was parked, if I popped into a shop for example (with DH still in the car). I felt very strongly that if she was in the car, she learnt that she should always be in her seat. He didn't agree and pointed out that he was also her parent and that as long as it wasn't something dangerous, he saw no reason why he shouldn't be allowed to make a decision about something she was doing. I didn't like it at the time but he was absolutely right.

chandellina · 27/10/2012 11:59

Yanbu, if you agree no electronic toys they should be put away or donated, not given to your child for a few minutes distraction.

HeinousHecate · 27/10/2012 12:01

"He was also her parent"

Yes Gwen, I've had that conversation with my husband Grin I used to act like I was Primary Parent and my word was law Blush until he finally got fed up with me acting like I knew it all and he had to fall in line with me

HeinousHecate · 27/10/2012 12:01

C

fat fingers.

PickledFanjoCat · 27/10/2012 12:02

I would be bloody fuming if I bought achild a perfectly reasonably toy and it was donated to charity because the parents didn't believe in electronic toys!

Give it back and let the person get their money back! Then they can decide if they want to give to charity.

GhostShip · 27/10/2012 12:10

Maybe he thinks its a stupid rule but didnt want to tell you, and now thought it was a good time to let his child play with a toy.

Boomerwang · 27/10/2012 12:20

I think he was interested in just how excited his son would be to play with such a toy, despite coming to a decision together earlier. I'm guessing this isn't the first rule about bringing up your child that you have made. Is this one really so important? Particularly if you're falling out with your OH over it?

If you're truly bothered after thinking about it for a while, then when you're up and about again you can just hide the toy. You don't seriously believe your OH is being disrespectful to you over his choice of children's toy? At worst, this is a one off aberration I'm sure your OH won't repeat. Life is lovely again?

TidyGOLDDancer · 27/10/2012 12:24

I get what you're saying, but some rules are ridiculous and are just said in the moment. We've all been there, setting silly idealistic expectations on our parenting choices, and when it comes down to it, we realise that, and we adjust.

The fact is, this no gadget type toy rule is silly and I guess your DH probably realised that. He possibly didn't realise just how seriously you were taking it.

With the best intent, you really do need to relax about this a bit. This is not a problem you need to worry about. Things change when children are here/get older. Your DH has not betrayed you or your decision making, he has simply adjusted.

marquesas · 27/10/2012 12:47

I don't think YABU, if something's been agreed then both sides should stick to it unless there are some exceptional circumstances and from what the OP has said there don't seem to be any here.

I can't beleive that some posters are saying that the DH is stressed and under pressure and the OP should be grateful as if he's some kind of saint for looking after his child. It sounds to me like he's going for an easy option regardless of the previous discussions.

If both parents choose to have no gadgets that's up to them.