to be pissed off with partner

[Pompano]

for ringing me at home 3 times, and leaving 3 messages in the space of 2 hours the other night? Surely ring once. Leave one message. Other person will return your call. Why the need for two more calls? Oh and an email asking me to ring him.
When I did ring him back, the next morning, after him leaving another mithering message on my VM, he didn't even want anything specific, just said he was wondering if I was 'alright' . WTF!
This has now escalated into a big row where everything that's annoyed either of us from the past 3 years got dragged up and we've had a big falling out.

Laquitar I go to his house, usually at the weekend. But I don't just turn up on his doorstep unannounced.
It is tiring, I do feel like he's the one running the show WRT contact and when we see each other etc.

And honestly the whole vibe of the 2nd message and the email he sent was very much 'how dare you not be available when I want to talk to you' rather than it coming over as a caring man who wants to talk to his partner.

Being too busy to take a call is not "deliberately ignoring" someone.

Just because someone is your boyfriend doesn't mean they have an automatic right to your attention whenever they demand it, regardless of what you are doing.

Well said Thing. I like it.

If I leave a message for my DP and he doesn't ringback soon-ish, I immediately start thinking he's been horrifically injured or is being held hostage or something. So yes I'm afraid I might call back again. And perhaps again. I'm prob being very unreasonable, but I can't help it. Im weird. A quick text would put me at ease and I'd leave DP to it.

Shelby we live separately because I don't want to live together (with anyone, not just him) or get married again.

Seeing as nobody wants to answer the question I've asked god knows how many times, I will try another.

How long after someone leaves a message that is non-urgent, should someone who is busy doing something else and has all the time in the world later the same day to talk, leave it before calling back?
I thought calling back about an hour later when I expected to be able to chat all night if he wanted to was perfectly acceptable, but apparently not. Not according to MN anyway .

You haven't actually said in response to any of the criticism that you do love him though, have you?

Puppy
Unless he is in the SAS how likely is it that he is in danger. Most office workers do work in a pretty safe environment.

If I phoned someone and they didn't answer I'd assume they were out or busy, even if I knew they screened their calls, especially if they screened their calls As for being in the shower, I'd still assume they would call me back when they got chance, not keeping phoning and leaving messages.

Puppy I couldn't text. but if this situation arises in the future with anyone else I will keep all this in mind and try to email them so they're not worried.

I admitted being weird btw

I hear you Pompano Its tiring and wearing when you have to 'be available' at someone else's behest, whoever they may be.

I also agree that his behaviour sounds needy/clingy and I'd be ignoring the phone much more in future

Jessie nice try. You've read the posts and seen what the huge majority of posters are saying to me about how I feel about him and about what sort of person I am.

I can already hear the howls of derision if I did say I love him so I'm hardly likely to fall into that trap am I?

"If I leave a message for my DP and he doesn't ringback soon-ish, I immediately start thinking he's been horrifically injured or is being held hostage or something."

That "something" is that he's fucking another girl, isn't it?

Sorry, but going from an unanswered call to using catastrophic and incredibly unlikely scenarios to justify why you must get in touch is learnt in Controlling Girlfriend 101.

"Please tell me all about how I don't love my husband."

pictish you are being silly. You are not complaining about your husband like the OP is about her boyfriend. It is completely different.

OP - if you have spoken to your boyfriend and made him coffee in the past it is not unreasonable to expect that you are happy to speak to him at x o'clock and share a coffee with him late afternoon.

A lot of you are being silly. The OP isn't just moaning about him calling her more than the allowed once. She is making other complaints about him so yes, it does sound to me like she doesn't love him as the annoyance and intolerance really shouts through her posts.

Does he want a closer relationship than you eg living together?

Pompano - the answer is "when you have time" :)

Thats what i was trying to say Pompano. he runs the show*.

And the plus of living alone is that you can wear what you like, have hair removal cream on your upper lip or whatever, so i wouldn't like him dropping in any time he fancies either.

Oh and here's an idea- get a separate number for work to call you on. Then you can turn the other phone off and not have to have the answer phone noise disturbing you. Because that was really the problem, wasn't it? Not that he rang several times but that his doing so disturbed you. If you'd checked a switched-off phone for messages when you were finished work and found several, would you have been so annoyed?

JF Again I've said this before, I have talked to him about not turning up for coffee on the days I work. I've talked to him about it several times. When we first have the conversation for a few weeks he doesn't just turn up. Then it slips back to him turning up out of the blue and we have to have the same conversation again.

Just end this relationship. I don't know why you are still with him if you think he runs the show and is annoying to you.

Honestly you really need to get over yourself.

Narked he did see living together as the next step, and marriage after (both of us are divorced) and he does understand that I don't want that. So I suppose he has to make his own decision about that. If I wanted marriage and the man I was with didn't, I think I would leave the relationship because our goals wouldn't be compatible.

By pictish

OP- you have been unlucky to get the responses you have

Maybe because it was daytime?

There's nothing wrong with having a relationship where you don't live together and give each other plenty of space. As long as both people in the relationship want that. Him doorstepping you and calling back twice when you don't answer sounds like he wants less space.

x posts

The trouble is that, even though you've been honest from the start about that, people often think that their partner will eventually 'come round' to their way of thinking. Whether the issue is having DC or marriage or more DC or moving abroad etc etc.