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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If one child asks for a 3DS XL and the other only asks for an Easel and paints WWYD?

39 replies

D0oinMeCleanin · 23/10/2012 00:29

Do you tell the child wanting the expensive thing they can't have it because their sister only wants an easel?

Do you tell the easel child they must pick something more expensive?

Do you buy the easel child things they've neither asked for nor want to make up the cost?

Or

Do you get the DS for one child and the easel for the other because it is what they've asked for and it will all even out in the end when the older child has outgrown gadgets and wants clothes vouchers and the younger child still wants the newest consoles?

I am being an evil mummy again.

The child wanting the easel is also getting a fish tank with filter, pump, heater and light from someone else and a hand crafted miniture gypsy style sweet cart. We will need to source the fish, gravel, plants, water testing kits and chemicals, which I am certain are not cheap and fill the cart with sweets.

The older child is getting a hand crafted dolls house all set up and ready to go, we will need to add nothing.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 23/10/2012 00:33

Buy them what they ask for (if you can) and don't give it a second thought.

Adults look at these things financially but children tend not to...or at least they shouldn't unless they're a bit brattish.

I don't ever remember totting up the cost of my sibling's presents and feeling hard done by....just incredibly happy that I'd got what I'd asked for.

Startailoforangeandgold · 23/10/2012 00:35

I'd have thought all, but the cheapest fish tank would balance out the DX. Certainly with running costs, fish and filtered water.

DD1 can happily do me for £40 boxes of coloured pencils and £30 boxes of watercolours. Although her worst habit is £7.99 books, lots of them.

impty · 23/10/2012 00:36

I always spend the same on each child. So I would make up the cost. It's always got to be fair each year.

BackforGood · 23/10/2012 00:37

Personally, if the expensive thing was the kind of amount of money you would be spending, then I'd make up the other one's present by putting some money in their savings account. Depending on ages, I probably wouldn't tell them that necessarily at the time.
That said, I do vary what I spend on mine, according to need, and, often if they need something and it's around Christmas / Birthday, then I'll wrap up things that I'd have had to buy them anyway if it had been months from their birthday. Over time it evens out, I don't keep a 'tally'.
For example last year, dd1 had a lot more spent on her, for her birthday than we normally do, but it was a big thing for her hobby, that we had the chance of getting something 2nd hand for under 1/5th of what it would have cost us new (not that we would have bought it her new). I have no qualms in just getting her bits and bobs for her birthday this year, as there isn't particularly anything she has asked for / wants / needs. Over time, that sort of thing balances out.

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 23/10/2012 00:37

The fish tank is being gifted to a relative who is regifting it to dd2 because asides from the easel it is "all I ever wanted in the whole, wide world, ever, ever, ever...."

But by the sounds of it it's not a small or cheap tank.

OP posts:
OhTheConfusion · 23/10/2012 00:38

I worry about these things too but I can honestly say I grew up with three siblings and never once thought 'did they get more money spent on them than me?'

Enjoy the differences now, they will both be grown up and asking for money before you know it :(

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 23/10/2012 00:40

I'm not worrying about it Confusion. I figure it will even out in the end. DH thinks I am favouring the older child over the younger one.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 23/10/2012 00:40

I agree with 'enjoy the differences now'

Why make Christmas more expensive than it has to be when you know your kids will be happy with what they've asked for?

CointreauVersial · 23/10/2012 00:42

I wouldn't worry about the differing amounts of money, but if it really preys on your mind stick a few fivers in easel-child's piggy bank. But it all evens out. Are they old enough to know the value of money?

For DD2's 2nd birthday she had a toy dustpan and brush from the Pound Shop. Really, that gave her so much happiness; she didn't care what it cost. Needless to say, seven years on, her tastes are considerably more expensive....

SavoyCabbage · 23/10/2012 00:45

I would just get them the things they want. You are not favouring one over the other, you are just buying them the things on their lists.

I can't imaging poor Santa doing this. He just reads the lists and tries to get what the children want. He's not at the North Pole saying this took four elves a week to make and this other child is only getting a present that one elf can make in 20 minutes.

Ullena · 23/10/2012 00:48

Fish tank will cost a small fortune to set up and stock, will you be going for real plants or artificial? As real ones are hard to care for and often eaten/uprooted by fish but do help with the health of the tank...

Handy tip, if you didn't already know about it, google the Nitrogen Cycle. And the number of fish to size of tank ratio. I recommend copper tetra and widow tetra, both small and hardy, compared to neons. Sparkling gourami are also nice. Mollies and platies are colourful and active, but guppies will eat the fins of each other and everything else. Oh yes, and plecos grow very big, very fast. They need a huge tank. But are fascinating to watch. Angelfish can be mean and may die easily. Tiger barbs are nuts but pretty. (Can you tell we have fish, lol?)

If it is a small tank, you could always save money by putting in lots of lovely plants and just one very flashy fish such as a betta, which are generally better kept alone anyway. Although we did keep one with a tiny shoal of neons for several months and all was well.

musicalendorphins · 23/10/2012 00:54

Give them what they asked for. When I was a kid, I would be the one who wanted the painting stuff, I would not have cared less about video games. Kids don't have a price tag on their interests. I loved painting and books and would be in heaven if I got them.
Maybe get the artist child a painting DVD, or sign them up for art classes to go with the easel and paints?

MrsRhettButler · 23/10/2012 00:57

Get them what they want. Its as simple as that imo :) children don't add up monetary value, we do.

steppemum · 23/10/2012 01:27

I think if they notice, they probably notice the number of presents or their physical size, rather than the cost

sparkleyangel · 23/10/2012 02:55

my granddaughter got the 3dxl its rubbish we've all had a go at playing it and had to turn the 3d off to play it

sashh · 23/10/2012 03:08

Buy them what they ask for.

It's not nice getting something you didn't / don't want because a sibling wanted it.

BleepingSooty · 23/10/2012 03:15

I agree with Steppemum, I try to get roughly the same number of presents. So one main present, one medium present and their stocking.

lljkk · 23/10/2012 04:00

I would explain to the DSi-wanting child that it's a very expensive present & I might not always get them such a nice present again, also that some years the other child might get something much more expensive than DSi-kid. Otherwise, go ahead with what they want.

You are lucky if your children don't notice the difference in value. Mine are acutely aware by 6yo or so.

rogersmellyonthetelly · 23/10/2012 07:08

I asked for exactly this one year, and I got it. Older sis got her sound system and little sister got various noisy toddler toys. It didn't bother me at all, I got exactly what I wanted and loved it. The expensive sable brushes were a nice bonus which I wasn't expecting :0)

TraineeBabyCatcher · 23/10/2012 07:18

Child with easal with probably think they have got the better end of the deal anyway. Not only did they get what they want but its a HUGE present and far bigger and better than a tiny ds.

olgaga · 23/10/2012 07:23

IME children never think about how much anything costs! As long as they get what they want they'll be happy.

And Trainee is right, the easel child will think they've done really well because they'll have a really big present to open.

INeedThatForkOff · 23/10/2012 07:24

Can you buy the contents of the fish tank in readiness? If she knows, she could choose herself.

INeedThatForkOff · 23/10/2012 07:25

Or involve her in the research suggested by Ullena.

Whistlingwaves · 23/10/2012 07:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
D0oinMeCleanin · 23/10/2012 07:31

The tank is 50 ltr Orb tank on stand. I know very little about fish but my boss and my Dad both keep fish so they'll be helping me.

She wants my bosses fish. As in the actual fish in his tank Hmm

In particular she wants the brown, spotty sucking fish that keep having babies (loaches?) and Angel fish, but maybe she should wait until her tank is ore established if these die easily? I was going to go for real plants.

OP posts:
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