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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think men switch off at the sound of a woman's voice

48 replies

Mybabyseyes · 22/10/2012 19:15

And then if you say it again your moaning! How do you get them to do things without it sounding like a moan! I am the only woman in my house. 5ds and dh everyone just seem to switch off. Nothing gets done and the house is a tip. I am struggling to keep on top of it. I need some tips on getting men to listen.

OP posts:
GrimAndHumourless · 22/10/2012 19:26

how old are the children?

LindyHemming · 22/10/2012 19:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CailinDana · 22/10/2012 19:26

YABU. My DH listens to me because he respects me and because he's a decent person. The problem isn't "men" it's your DH, who has passed on his attitude to his children.

Original poster
Mybabyseyes · 22/10/2012 20:28

Ds are 11, 9,9,5 & 11 weeks. It's not that my husband is not decent or respectful. Just both of us are knackered. He works odd hours. This is not one of those should i leave him posts. Just need some advice on how others do it in a male dominated house. I know I moan too much

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Original poster
Mybabyseyes · 22/10/2012 20:30

I think he has passed on some traits. I'm turning into his mum who is a proper moaner.

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stargirl1701 · 22/10/2012 20:31

YABU. My DH listens to me but I don't ask him to do stuff. He sees it needs done and does it. As does my father.

EdgarAllanPond · 22/10/2012 20:34

the US airforce put female voice computer systems into their jets because pilots responded to them better.

this is your DHs problem, not men in general.

Yama · 22/10/2012 20:35

Well, I wouldn't ever tolerate anyone accusing me of moaning, whining, whinging, nagging or any term with negative gender connotations.

Dh and I have an agreement. When we want the other to do something we ask. No hinting or huffing.

AKissIsNotAContract · 22/10/2012 20:36

YABU to make such a lazy generalisation about men.

kim147 · 22/10/2012 20:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thebody · 22/10/2012 20:42

You need a medal love with 5 boys but that's another matter.

Yes my 2 boys only responded to a loud at the end of tether shout but better now they grown up.( and left home).

My dh sometimes looks at me and nods, he actually is doing this incase I have been talking and hasn't been listening... His father did this too to my mil.

If this isn't a light hearted thread then allocate them chores to do, not the baby, and no play till done.

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 22/10/2012 20:43

Is he turning into his dad?

Original poster
Mybabyseyes · 22/10/2012 20:52

I just said to him that by saying I'm moaning when I talk means that he doesn't respect what I am saying. He said if he didnt respect me he wouldn't be here. He said we will talk with the boys about showing me respect. I want to get it sorted as I am the only woman in the house. I don't want them to grow up being disrespectful to women or seeing them as moaners.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mybabyseyes · 22/10/2012 20:56

I definitely think he is turning into his dad. Mil nags him constantly and he just sits there looking into space. He sees anything I say as a moan. I need to get out of the habit. It ends up with me shouting which I hate.

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Original poster
Mybabyseyes · 22/10/2012 20:57

Oh gosh he is a right huffer & a flouncer!

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inabeautifulplace · 22/10/2012 20:58

Sorry, what was that?

Original poster
Mybabyseyes · 22/10/2012 20:59

HahaGrin

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Scarynuff · 22/10/2012 20:59

What's not getting done?

MaryMotherOfCheeses · 22/10/2012 21:00

What are you 'moaning' about?

Is it housework?

MoonlightandWerewolves · 22/10/2012 21:03

YABU to say 'all men' , but not 'all men in my household' by the sounds of it.

How about, draft up a roster (although probably excluding the 11 week old Smile ) and, if the task doesn't get done, then whatever it is goes into the relevant bedroom until done (so, dirty washing, plates, bins etc.).

It might end up as a bit of a health hazard in patches for a while, but better than wearing your voice out nagging!

EscapeInTheCity · 22/10/2012 21:17

They switch off because you ask for something, they don't do it and then you end up doing it yourself at some point, hence the fact that 1- they can ignore and 2- whatever you are saying is moaning (you ask for something repeatly and then do it yourself any way).

best approach: say it once, twice and then let them suffer the consequences.

Original poster
Mybabyseyes · 22/10/2012 21:18

Yep housework mainly. They have a rota which doesn't get done unless I keep on at them. State of their rooms, picking things off the floor , putting washing away etc etc! I feel I shouldn't have to tell my dh anything but he is just as bad as them.

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EscapeInTheCity · 22/10/2012 21:19

Just don't say it again!
Ensure your stuff (and the little one's) are OK and then let your DH/older dcs deal with the fact there are no clean clothes, you can't walk across the living room wo walking on something, things get broken, lost etc...
Don't do it for them!

Original poster
Mybabyseyes · 22/10/2012 21:20

I agree escape. Problem is I don't do it and then the house looks appalling. It is embarrassing. I don't want people to think I live in a pig sty

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Original poster
Mybabyseyes · 22/10/2012 21:22

I've tried that escape. I don't wash his clothes because of it. He leaves stuff everywhere! I am currently looking at a wrapper he's left on the floorSad

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