To think my Stepdaughter should set off early to get to her grandfather's funeral rather than ask for the date to be changed to suit her?

[PoshPenny]

Step daughter has asked if funeral date could be changed to Tuesday week as Friday 2nd (STC) the date we are proposing to have it would not be so convenient for her. They are planning a couple of days away at a hotel with friends and they would have to leave after breakfast on Friday (which was their planned departure day anyway) to get back in time for the service. Tuesday doesn't work at all for me, plus it is all the "fitting in" with the Funeral Director and Crematorium's availability that is the main point of aiming for the Friday. We will have a little more time to sort everything out.

All I was trying to do was plan sufficiently far ahead for the best chance of getting the date and time we would like to have. :(

Please let me know if you think I'm over-reacting...

Let's be clear about this your SD hasn't asked for the day to be moved, she has -in response to your proposed date- asked if you could try an alternative. Which seems entirely reasonable. There is absolutely nothing outrageous about the canvassing of opinions of close relatives in these situations.

Additionally it's not so much that your SD doesn't want to interrupt a holiday but that she doesn't want a "long drive under pressure" and who can blame her? I wouldnt fancy a long drive with my DC whilst grieving.

You on the other hand can't do it earlier because of work. You're being totally hypocritical and I actually think your SD's date preference is far more reasonable than your own.