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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to go to his work Christmas do?

27 replies

jenrose29 · 20/10/2012 11:21

Last year I went to my partners Christmas work meal and it was awful. One of his friends girlfriends came on to him all night, his other friends wives all ignore me completely - I had an awful time. He came back from work last night saying he'd paid the deposit for this years meal for us. I'd hoped our (then) 7 month old baby would get me out of going as we dont have a babysitter but apparently the bar/restaurant say she can come. Though I'm breastfeeding and won't be drinking, his friends get hammered and I dont really want her around them. Plus the flirtation with his friends girlfriend is the only row we've ever had, and I have no wish to see her again. I see his best work friends wife regularly and she blanks me, I just don't see the point of all being false because it's Christmas. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
honeytea · 20/10/2012 11:24

Yanbu, especially if you have to pay for yourself, I thought a work Christmas do was paid for by the company?

I'd go for the free dinner if it was paid for but I wouldn't go if we had to pay ourself, couldn't you and your dp go out just the two of you?

ImperialBlether · 20/10/2012 11:24

No, you're not unreasonable. I wouldn't want to go either. Why did the women ignore you? Do they all know each other socially?

What happened with his friend's girlfriend coming on to him? Didn't his friend say something? Does she work with your partner?

SugariceAndScary · 20/10/2012 11:25

Don't go if you don't want to, I wouldn't if I was in your shoes.

Why would you want to take a baby to a work do where half of them will be bladdered anyway Shock and she'll be in bed surely

Tell DP you're not going and that the slapper should keep her hands off!

RuleBritannia · 20/10/2012 11:26

If you didn't enjoy it last year, why go this year? Your P's friend's girlfriend might not be the girlfriend any more or the friend might not be in the same job any more.

If the deposit has been paid for both of you, I'd go. Think of it another way. If your DP has paid the deposit for both of you, it shows that he wants you to go. Thought about that? Thought about what he wants?

Toombs · 20/10/2012 11:30

I'd feign sickness, "I'm really sorry, I just don't feel up to it. You go, enjoy yourself". Then enjoy a night in.

AnnIonicIsoTronic · 20/10/2012 11:33

Go ffs.

I'd far rather be there than be at home imagining.

& I wouldn't knock dh back if he wanted to show off his doting-father side.

Original poster
jenrose29 · 20/10/2012 11:35

She will be there. She is in te same company but different location, partners friend noticed but didn't say anything as girlfriend is 20 years younger than him and he didn't want to rock the boat. It's organised between employees so we have to pay for ourselves. The wives palm their kids off and get drunk together at every opportunity, I dont fit in as am not interested in doing that. Plus the year before last when I could drink I had 2 glasses of wine and one of the wives told everyone I then fell asleep in the toilet, which I certainly didn't. DP may well want me to go but only because he is going to whether I do or not and he'll feel less guilty if I'm not left at home.

OP posts:
Laquitar · 20/10/2012 11:37

What was your dh's response when the woman was flirting with him?
That's more important imo.
As a couple you should feel comfortable being in groups together and make sure that you both enjoy it.

Having said that if they are really awfull and you have to pay aswell then dont go.
But i wouldn't use dd as excuse i would have an honest chat with dh.

Original poster
jenrose29 · 20/10/2012 11:38

He won't be showing off his doting father side, he'll be getting drunk with the rest of them while I entertain DD then wait around to give him a lift home!

OP posts:
BadLad · 20/10/2012 11:45

partners friend noticed but didn't say anything as girlfriend is 20 years younger than him and he didn't want to rock the boat.

hmm, well that relationship sounds bound to last Hmm

YANBU - I hate going to DW's work parties, and only do so if not going would be embarrassing for her (slightly different work culture from that of the UK here).

Definitely make sure he doesn't pay any more deposits for you in future.

I think I would skip it and have a night in if I were you.

Original poster
jenrose29 · 20/10/2012 11:51

He said at the time he didn't realise she was flirting but it was so blatant. He has low self esteem so was probably flatterekd. She had an affair with his friend while he was married with kids so doesn't exactly have the greatest morals.

OP posts:
LucieMay · 20/10/2012 11:52

Just because women enjoy socialising and having a drink doesn't mean they're "palming their children off". You can be a responsible mother and still enjoy a social life! Maybe your superior attitude is why they don't warm to you?

Original poster
jenrose29 · 20/10/2012 11:57

Hiring a babysitter every weekend and turning up to school drunk to collect their kids is ok? Really?

OP posts:
detectivebeaver · 20/10/2012 11:59

If you think he will be disappointed if you don't go then make out like you are really looking forward to it, although.don't overdo it. A couple of days before start sniffing and complaining you feel ill. On the night you can graciously let him go. Bonus of my cunning plan is he may feel so guilty that you get breakfast in bed the next day Grin

Original poster
jenrose29 · 20/10/2012 12:03

I can't be ill every year though, I think he'll see through that one! Thing is, if was the other way round and I'd acted inappropriately with another man and caused DP to be upset then I wouldn't see that man again myself and certainly wouldn't make DP see him.

OP posts:
Laquitar · 20/10/2012 12:11

Your problem is with your dh, not with the other wives.
And no, don't fake illness. Tell him the truth.

WorraLiberty · 20/10/2012 12:11

Just don't go. Be honest and tell him it's not your sort of night.

Regarding the women hiring a babysitter every weekend to go out, why not? I don't see anything wrong with that and presumably their DH's are also doing the same or they wouldn't need a babysitter?

Turning up drunk at school is a different matter and also illegal.

SaraBellumHertz · 20/10/2012 12:17

What's wrong with hiring a baby sitter?! DH and I go out three or four times a week, I do stuff without the DC I had no idea that you could only be a good mother if also a martyr Hmm

Obviously turning up to school drink is not on but how do you even know that?

Original poster
jenrose29 · 20/10/2012 12:24

It's their business what they do with their children, what I don't appreciate is being mocked because I have no wish to do the same. One of them had her children withheld by the school as the head thought she was too intoxicated to care for the kids, so yes, I do know it to be the case.

OP posts:
maras2 · 20/10/2012 12:26

The reason that me and DH are still married is because I haven't been to his work's Christmas do since 1982.One bloke pissed me off but because everyone else thought that he was a great guy, I thought it best to avoid.No strops,no hissies,just said firmly 'no thanks' each year when asked if I'd like to go.DH was not too bothered and took his Mum along for a few years till she got fed up.Anyway, we're both retired now but he still goes to the Christmas parties but I'd rather have a root canal than go to my own former work's let alone his.I am very sociable usually, but with people of my own choosing.

olgaga · 20/10/2012 12:27

He should have spoken to you first. He is being unreasonable. You have a baby and it would hardly be appropriate to take her.

What on earth was he thinking?

LocoParentis · 20/10/2012 12:34

Just say, sorry i don't want to go it will be a boring night for me, and stressful looking after DD at a drunken party.

Tell him he doesn't have to go to your work parties either in the future to make it fair.

I don't understand what the big deal is.

jellybeans · 20/10/2012 12:37

YANBU I wouldn't go. Make an excuse or just say you don't want to.

Bigwuss · 20/10/2012 12:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AThingInYourLife · 20/10/2012 13:18

It's illegal to turn up at school drunk?

What law is that?

No way would I take a 7 month old baby out to a Christmas party.

Nor would I be hanging around all night sober to give lifts home.

It's his work do, no need for you (or your baby FFS) to go.