Not to let my daughter go to play date because my friend smacks her children?

[AutumnGlory]

We have being friends for 5 years, we first met when our dds were babies and we have been having play dates when convenient for both of us, albeit children going to different schools, we busy with our jobs and her having more 2 children since, the play dates are not as often as it used to be. Anyway she is very open about people know how stressed she has been with 3 kids, how desperate she is to go back to work when her mat leave finishes and how she is now spanking and shouting no end. She keeps asking for my dd to go there after school but I really don't want my daughter in this atmosphere. The invitation most of the time is not open to me, she wants me to drop off and collect so I don't see how will she cope with 4 kids -and dd is no angel- if she can't cope with 3 of her own. The days I go and stay, friend and I stay downstairs with baby and her 2 children plus mine go upstairs often with bedroom door closed and we can just hear lots of shouting and thumping as they don't have toys and are not allowed tv I have no idea what they play. I don't invite anymore because my dd's toys always get broken, they fight over sharing as though as they never saw toys in their life, they don't listen to me. Or to my friend and she ends up stressed and smacking in my house and I don't like it. We are telling friend to go to GP but she thinks once she goes back to work things will get better. Ah, let me add she complains she can't cope and hate being at home with children since she had only one but still went on to have two more. And they were planned.

Why are you angry? Do you smack too?

Why are you so superior? Are you jealous of her money and your perception of her different class?

Tbh, you might be on go something. She always been so much better off. Lots of foreign holidays a year, cleaners, mother's help....her children in better school - or at least she thought that but turns out my dd's school in a not very describe area is better haha - big house, big cars....and I'm always feeling like the underdog.....but now I can feel a bit better about myself - I don't smack, she does....- that is what anonymous chat is for....chill out.

I smack my children. I don't think that the smacking is actually that relevant in this case.

I think a lack of toys and entertainment, bad behaviour by the children and a mother who sounds like she spends the majority of time just short of breaking point would all be of much higher concern to me than the smacking as you've already said you don't believe she would smack your daughter.

So no, YANBU to not want your daughter to have a play date there but yabu to do it because she smacks.

Desirable area I meant - my daughter's school..

Eek. We have the tv on in our house all day. It's always there in the background.

Your post: Tbh, you might be on go something. She always been so much better off. Lots of foreign holidays a year, cleaners, mother's help....her children in better school - or at least she thought that but turns out my dd's school in a not very describe area is better haha - big house, big cars....and I'm always feeling like the underdog.....but now I can feel a bit better about myself- I don't smack, she does....- that is what anonymous chat is for....chill out.

You sound more ghastly with every post. If she pushes your buttons and you derive satisfaction from her stress with her kids, and her DDs school not being great, that's horrible. Seriously horrible.

Get over yourself, get some therapy and leave her alone instead of getting off on her troubles.

At least you can't call me honest. I said what I feel and think. There is no need for your personal attack at me. You get satisfaction at bullying people on websites.....go therapy

I mean you can accuse me of not being honest...I think I need to sleep.

YOU CAN'T ACCUSE ME...oh my God, just report the whole thread will you?

Anyway I'm sure she get satisfaction from my troubles too, but is too much to write right now.

It's not a personal attack, it's holding a mirror up to what you're doing, which is deriving some weird superior satisfaction over someone you pretend to be a friend to. That behaviour is disgusting to me. Really shameful.

And someone disagreeing with you isn't bullying. But then you know that.

But OP actually list quite a lot of toys and stuff - certainly enough. Kids playing together don't need a lot of toys. Most children throughout history and all over the world played games without the plastic tat we have these days.

Sounds as though friend is not in good control of the situation - but OP sounds horrid.

Whatever. I'm human. I'm not claiming to be perfect or even good.

Hi op, I understand your concerns.

Your friend sounds like she's not really interested in kids or can tolerate the mess, hassle that goes with them. No toys? Wierd. No tele? Mental.

I have 4 kids 2 much older now and I did smack on occasion as most do but not frequently.

Not sure what you are getting out of her friendship tbh but let your dd choose if she wants to play there. In my experience if someone is shouting all the time it just goes over kids heads as white noise.

It is not a lot of stuff I guarantee you. Everyone comments on now little toys they have honest. I grew up like this and always thought my friends were so lucky they actually have things to play with. And mind you I had big gardens and pets, I used my imagination but I needed some stuff too. My daughter don't have too much, she has the right amount I think.

You don't like this person.
You don't like how she brings up her children.
You are jealous of her financial/social situation.
You have no respect for her.

WHY do you call her your freind? WHY do you need to ask strangers if your kids should visit her house?

And I'm not complaining about the amount of toys anyway, this does not brothers me when my child is there. Just the smacking or threatening to smack and shouting.

Why I have no respect for her? Because I'm talking about the situation anonymously? Why did I post here? Well you could ask this same question to each new OP couldn't you? It is kind of a pointless question really.

Then don't see her. You don't like her, or care for her. And you're not honest with her, because if she read this thread what would she think?!
So don't see her and don't take your child, by extension.

But the reason you might stop taking your child ISN'T just because of your view on smacking. It's because it gives you a rare chance to score a point with her. And that's what's horrible.

Bagofholly - compleatly agree with you.Op - looking after other peoples dcs is NOTHING like having 3 of your own. Not all kids will just sit & watch tv when you want them to.

Ok bagofholly. It is horrible. I'm horrible. Can't help it. Shit. Don't tell her. But I do feel a bit smug yes...specially the school thing. Hope one day I will be a better person and feel happier. Not being ironic.