to NOT buy my nephew any cards or presents for his birthday or christmas?

[TomsBentPinky]

Firstly, I always buy for the kids in the family. Always.

However DHs sister has never, ever even bought a 20p card factory card for any of my kids.

I've got 4 and my eldest is 8.

In that time shes never even rang to say happy birthday (DHs other sister is exactly the same)

They bothe live in far away areas but last year they were both staying with MIL when it was DSs birthday .... MIL came with DSs card and presents from her but both aunties stayed at her house and didn't bother to come see him.

So now she has a son of her own, 18 months and its coming upto his first xmas here and his birthday soon after. Shes gushing about it all and as BAD as I feel because I buy for all the kids on MY families side,

AIBU to not get him anything?

Should I tell her the reason why? or just not do it?

But please don't do anything passive aggressive, some of the suggestions on here are cringeworthy.

Just send a card, it shows you are thinking about him but isn't loaded with expectation as a present would be.

Why don't you just ask her? Have a conversation that goes something like "I'm assuming that we're not doing Xmas presents for the children, but happy to if you want to. Let me know if you have any suggestions for DN or need thoughts for my DC"

Please don't ignore your nephew, you don't know how things will pan out and he might just need an auntie who cares for him.

I would just get a card if you are actually seeing them on his birthday or xmas but I wouldn't go out of my way to post it or take it round. I would definitely not bother with a present.

Yanbu at all.

I am not getting the passive-agressive thing at all.

Just give a card, that way you recognise the birthday that your SIL is obviously excited about, and no need to give a present as you don't want to rope her into the whole buying for everyone thing.

Try and separate your feelings of hurt from your nephews birthday

you have the solution in your hands.

delegate to dh- he will never buy a present so you have made your point and got a clean conscience.

hth

sounds really petty

you want your nephew to have no cards or presents because you don't like your sister in law (sister of your DH)

By all means be annoyed with her .....tell her she's hurt your feelings but don't take it out on your nephew as a way to 'get one up on her'

Hang on. Your SIL hasn't actually handed you a list of things to buy your nephew. So why are you assuming she expects anything at all? And she may have decided not to buy for the children from the start - it's ok when there are only 1 or 2 but when all your family and friends have children the cost mounts up. Although I agree the lack of cards is a bit shit.

Just buy a card.

I'd probably just wish SIL and child a happy Xmas and mean it. Let DH buy the gift if he can be bothered.

To be honest I wouldn't bother. It would be entirely for her benefit because the child is so young, and it will bother you from now until the middle of next year if you get him something lovely and wrap with care, and she doesn't bother. Later on you can change your mind if you don't want to hurt his feelings. But you know how much junk children get at Christmas, birthdays, why add to it when it would irritate you. And DON'T fret over it. Put it out of your mind.

Kelper, he won't notice as he's so young, and he'll get piles of stuff anyway. He won't notice.

Did OP ever come back? I really want to know what she did for his first birthday and his first Christmas!

Be the bigger person. It's not the child's fault.

I don't understand this at all.

I give my nephews presents because I love them and because I enjoy seeing the pleasure it gives them.

My relationship with my SIL or if the presents are being reciprocated has nothing to do with my decision to give them a present.

Why would you punish your nephew like this? He is just a baby.

No. I don't think yabu. I'd get a card for the bday and leave it at that.

Families (and in laws) can be rubbish sometimes - none of my relatives outside uk acknowledged their presents for the presents I sent their babies, (i know they were received) or sent me presents for my babies, however, I was happy with my own approach in sending them presents....

My brothers and sisters, most of the rest of the family are useless at cards. I rarely get birthday cards from them, but they usually remember the children (eventually). I have given up sending them wedding anniversary cards as they have never sent me one and I got a total of 3 Silver anniversary cards none from them!

I would say it is between you and your nephew. He is too young to do cards. If you normally remember to send cards, then send him one every year, or he may never have a chance to learn that it is worth having them.

I wouldn't.

I wouldn't.

In fact right from the start of my relationship I made it clear to my DH that he would have responsibilities for his own family's presents and I would do mine.
So many women take on this job. If you don't it saves this kind of dilemma.
I think it's easier to discuss this kind of thing with your own family.

If your DH thinks a present is in order let him get one. You sort out your own family.

She sounds a selfish cow and will learn an important lesson.