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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to leave my 3 year old at a party and not inform the parents of his heart condition?

100 replies

EurekasMa · 18/10/2012 20:48

DS (3) goes to more parties than I do. One of either DH or I have always gone with him (as you do with little ones) and so this has not come up before.

He has a heart condition (not structural) and it is well controlled with meds. The cardiologist said that he should live life as a normal child and he does not get any special treatment from us. He occasionally passes out quite dramatically if he gets a big fright or falls (as in people jump back and gasp and act like it might be catching rather than helping or holding him). Few people other than close friends know about it.

He has been invited to a party this weekend and the deal is to drop the children off. I vaguely know the Mum (from pre-school) and we have swopped deatils. I am reluctant to mention his condition as A) it will worry the other Mum when the chances of anything happening are teeny and B) I don't want DS to be seen as different.

Would it be really dodgy to fail to mention it?

OP posts:
NickNacks · 18/10/2012 20:50

Yes!

RedHelenB · 18/10/2012 20:50

Yes!!!

MrsCampbellBlack · 18/10/2012 20:50

Well I've never dropped and left a 3 year old and if I ws the mother of the party boy and your DS then did pass out or something - well I'd be pretty cross that you'd never mentioned this could happen.

I do think 3 is quite little to leave at a party but may be in the minority with that.

pjmama · 18/10/2012 20:51

Do you really need to ask? Are you happy to take the "teeny" chance that something happens and none of the adults have a bloody clue what's going on?

Chubfuddler · 18/10/2012 20:52

I can't believe you could even think of leaving your son with someone without informing them.

dribbleface · 18/10/2012 20:52

Yes YABU!

RandomMess · 18/10/2012 20:52

You don't have to go into the full details, you just need to tell her to be aware that it is a bit prone to passing out and if he does please call you as your mobile will be on.

slatternlymother · 18/10/2012 20:52

Ooooh goodness I'd mention it! Imagine if a balloon burst behind him and he passed out! I'd want to know if I was the mum, and is want to know what to do in the event of issues, so 'actions on...'

I didn't think it was the done thing to leave toddlers at a party. Probably just my area, but we all stay to catch up and keep an eye on the little ones.

Shakey1500 · 18/10/2012 20:52

Agree with all of MrsCB's post.

squeakytoy · 18/10/2012 20:52

I dont think 3 is too young if the child is confident, but I really do think you should make the mother aware of any illness, and cant believe that you would want to keep it hidden from other parents..

Adversecamber · 18/10/2012 20:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

honeytea · 18/10/2012 20:53

I think you need to tell them. As he gets older and is goes out by himself you should maybe get one of those emergancy bracelets to help people identlfy what is wrong if he does faint.

Kalisi · 18/10/2012 20:53

Yabu

Fabulousfreaks · 18/10/2012 20:53

I am surprised you are even asking and three is very young to be left at a party.

Pochemuchka · 18/10/2012 20:53

I agree with Mrscampbellblack - 3 is too young to be dropping off and leaving and the parents running the party must be mad!

Back to the original question - YABU not to mention it. It's best everyone is well informed just in case.

apostropheuse · 18/10/2012 20:54

Yes it's very unreasonable not to mention it. You need to tell the parents of the child whose party it is - and also tell them what to do in the unlikely event that it happens.

I'm surprised you even thought of not telling!

bumpybecky · 18/10/2012 20:54

YABU I've not left any of mine at a party when they're that little, but if he goes to a lot of them, perhaps he'd be ok. I think I'd be sitting in the car outside with a good book, so near but occupied :)

toysoldiers · 18/10/2012 20:54

If I were the mother I'd be furious.

It would be terrifying if he just collapsed, no matter how teeny the chance.

Either inform her and say you won't be far away, or stay.

I wouldn't leave 3 year old at party unless he knew the parents very well - heart condition or not.

6 then yes, but not 3

Arithmeticulous · 18/10/2012 20:54

I wouldn't leave a 3 year old at a party.

And I wouldn't want to be the parent dealing with a lone 3 year old who passes out (for whatever reason) only to find out it was predictable/preventable.

RyleDup · 18/10/2012 20:54

Of course you need to mention it. Its very unreasonable of you not to.

NerdAmigo · 18/10/2012 20:54

unreasonable and stupid.

DixieD · 18/10/2012 20:54

Are you joking? Of course YABU. You must mention it. Explain it like you have here. It wouldn't faze me if it is how you say it is. My DD is having a party soon and one of her little friends is allergic to eggs. I would be far more worried about that sort of thing and her ingesting something she shouldn't than a condition you mention.

MrsVincentPrice · 18/10/2012 20:54

3 is v little to dump and run anyway. But YABU - you should text her in advance to let her know and reassure her that it'll be fine but she needs to know just in case - don't tell her in person on the day because she'll get flustered and not take it all in.

imperialstateknickers · 18/10/2012 20:56

I never left the dds alone at parties until they started school, and did not expect other parents to leave theirs alone at mine until that age.

I see why you don't want ds to be seen as 'different', but you'd do better to come up with a simple, helpful and reassuring explanation of his condition to give to adults who will have responsibility for him, as this will happen again.

The gossip would be far worse if he did do one of dramatic collapses at a playdate without you around and the person in charge of him didn't have a clue what was going on.

halcyondays · 18/10/2012 20:57

Yabu, of course you should mention it! It's pretty unusual for 3 year olds to be left at a party unless you know the host well, tbh.

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