Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to leave my 3 year old at a party and not inform the parents of his heart condition?

100 replies

EurekasMa · 18/10/2012 20:48

DS (3) goes to more parties than I do. One of either DH or I have always gone with him (as you do with little ones) and so this has not come up before.

He has a heart condition (not structural) and it is well controlled with meds. The cardiologist said that he should live life as a normal child and he does not get any special treatment from us. He occasionally passes out quite dramatically if he gets a big fright or falls (as in people jump back and gasp and act like it might be catching rather than helping or holding him). Few people other than close friends know about it.

He has been invited to a party this weekend and the deal is to drop the children off. I vaguely know the Mum (from pre-school) and we have swopped deatils. I am reluctant to mention his condition as A) it will worry the other Mum when the chances of anything happening are teeny and B) I don't want DS to be seen as different.

Would it be really dodgy to fail to mention it?

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 18/10/2012 20:57

He's prone to passing out dramatically; and you see no need to warn people in advance? Hmm
This could be the last party he's ever invited to, if it all goes wrong and you have to admit to keeping quiet about his condition. I wouldn't invite either of you again.

FamiliesShareGerms · 18/10/2012 20:58

I've left a three year old at a party before, but I can't believe you are even contemplating not telling the parents organising the party about your son's medical condition. Doesn't need to be a big deal, just what RandomMess said.

LynetteScavo · 18/10/2012 20:58

The deal is to drop the children off? If you would tell pre-school/nursery/school/ holiday clubs or anyone else who cares for your child, then yes, you should tell this parent.

I don't think I would have left even my most outgoing child at a party at 3yo, unless they knew the people very well.

LonelyCloud · 18/10/2012 20:59

YABU.

If you're leaving him with someone, they need to know about his heart condition and what they should do if he does pass out. And you should tell her in advance.

ChristmasKate · 18/10/2012 20:59

You must tell them, you don't need to go into the whole details of it but they must be made aware.

I think I'd die of fright if a 3 year old passed out in my care for what I would assume was for no apparent reason and then I'd be pretty pissed off that you hadn't warned me.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 18/10/2012 21:00

How would you feel if the boot were on the other foot and someone left you in charge of a 3 year old with a medical condition but didn't mention it? If I were the other mum and he were to pass out I think it would scare the beejeezus out of me if I didn't know why.

Brycie · 18/10/2012 21:00

I don't think three is too young to be left at a party but wow that you don't want to tell the mum that he "passes out quite dramatically if he gets a big fright or falls".

But you know that, you just want reassurance that the friendship won't be brought to a swift halt by the mum being apprehensive and put off about the whole thing.

The thing to do would be, for the first playdate, to tell her you'll be five minutes away (like could you be at nearby shops or something) as if just by coincidence, so that she's not nervous. After one or two goes she'll just be aware of it in the way people are aware of allergies and it will be fine.

mudipig · 18/10/2012 21:00

YABU.

Either stay or give clear instructions on what to do, should it happen.

LeeCoakley · 18/10/2012 21:01

Apart from the heart condition what's the adult/child ratio at the party? No way would I have ever left my 3-year olds at a party unless I knew that the hosts were trained in some form of childcare!

mrsminerva · 18/10/2012 21:11

Yes, you need to explain.

Original poster
EurekasMa · 18/10/2012 21:13

Righto!

I'll be going to the party then :)

Thanks. I don't WANT him to have the condition, iyswim. I therefore go too far the other way.

TBH I've never left him with anyone. I just thought "yeah, this might be normal if that's what the Mum has said to do".

[slinking off in shame]

OP posts:
FamiliesShareGerms · 18/10/2012 21:15

Seriously, Lee, you would expect parents running a kids party to be trained childcare experts? Shock

Chubfuddler · 18/10/2012 21:16

Presumably Lee they are parents so have some idea.

Mrsjay · 18/10/2012 21:17

God yes what if somebody screams or pops a balloon and your son passes out and the mum doesn't know how would you feel if somebody left a child with an illness like that at your house, just tell them the situation ,

kekouan · 18/10/2012 21:19

I wouldn't leave a 3yo at a party alone - heart condition or not! FGS.. far too young.

Mrsjay · 18/10/2012 21:19

I have ever left my 3-year olds at a party unless I knew that the hosts were trained in some form of childcare!

OH stop it lee it is a childrens party for crying out loud , they are parents I do think that is enough qualifications,

FamiliesShareGerms · 18/10/2012 21:20

Don't slink, Eureka! Maybe take a back seat at the party and see how he gets on without you around, then another time leave him for a play date (and warn the parents in advance, but make no big deal about his condition)

kekouan · 18/10/2012 21:21

Christ.. I was fairly surprised that it was a drop and run at the last party DS went to - he's just started reception.

If you are going to drop and run, then you must tell her. Definitely.

giraffesCantGoGuisingAsZebras · 18/10/2012 21:21

is it long qt or similar?

Parties are big on loud noises and bangs - balloons popping, party poppers etc. Had a child who had a reflex anoxic seisure with me after a balloon popped. Either tell them or stay.

kekouan · 18/10/2012 21:22

oops.. massive x posts Grin

pigletmania · 18/10/2012 21:30

Yes you should. You don't know 100 per cent that nothing will happen. What if something happened and the paramedics had to be called, they would need to know anything like that

pigletmania · 18/10/2012 21:33

Lee what a silly post. If your that concerned stay with him. I can imagine lee you supervising your 8 year old dc at a party whilst the rest have dropped and run, poor kid

YouOldSlag · 18/10/2012 21:37

A) it will worry the other Mum when the chances of anything happening are teeny and B) I don't want DS to be seen as different.

But he is different. He may pass out suddenly, unlike other children, who probably won't. Don't try and hide it, just educate and inform the people looking after him.

It will worry the other Mums a hell of a lot more if he passes out and they don't know why!

Hippymum89 · 18/10/2012 21:43

You are totally crazy!
I second everything others have put......jeepers, the mind boggles!
Shock

Mrsjay · 18/10/2012 21:48

I know you don't want your soon seen as different but he is different he is a 'normal' child with a heart condition it doesn't have to be who he is but it is what he has , by not saying you really are putting the other parent in a position and it isn't fair on her,

Swipe left for the next trending thread