To not want to hear about it?

[Littlesurprise]

I became a member of MN fairly recently, when OH and I found out we are expecting. Of course, I giddily went straight to the pregnancy section hoping to coo and delight in the wonderful time of life... and it's full of misery.

I understand that sometimes it's helpful to air out your difficulties. But every other post is about MC, and there is a section for that outside of the preggos bit.

It just gets me really down, freaks me out. I'm not saying people should keep it to themselves - far from it, but it is just an ill-considered location. AIBU to feel uncomfortable with there being so much sadness on what I thought was a nice, positive forum?

I suspect I'm being a little bit sensitive I'm allowed to in my condition though, right?, but if I'm BU too, I'll happily go on my merry way; there's plenty of positivity IRL. Just seems a shame...

[CamperFan]

'pregnant... after x MCs'. It's certainly not a label I want.

I doubt it's a label anyone wants. What an odd person you are!

[PinkFairyDust]

Yes because what you are pregnant you cease to have a life which does not involve your baby, and no one else matters or thier feelings

Yabvvvvvvvvvvvvu to enjoy use the word preggos shudders

Go and dance happily around the maypole with flowers in your hair, with bunny rabbits skipping around your feet

[scentednappyhag]

We're not supposed to look at someone's posting history and wonder if they might be a stirrer are we? It's a good job I didn't do that then

[missymoomoomee]

If you know how awful it is then you would know how awful you are being to tell people who have suffered such a loss to bugger off to their own little section so you can be all happy about being 'preggo' without their pain infringing on your joy.

[WelshMaenad]

I'm so angelic I don't even know HOW to look at someone's posting history.

Fer serious.

[desperateforaholiday]

Feck off to nethun's then. Good and bad things happen during pregnancy, I used the board when pregnant and I found it very supportive.

[Enigmosaurus]

I'm not too angelic and I take back the bit about not being like it IRL.

[BackOnceAgainWithLoopyLoops]

I think this is better for you OP. No need to thank me.

And yes, you are being hateful unreasonable.

[fluffyraggies]

You want to 'giddily coo with delight' and want everyone else who doesn't, or indeed cannot because they've lost or are loosing their baby to bugger off?

Really. You sound like a prat.

[Gigondas]

Op don't let the door bang your arse on the way out.
I truly hope you aren't as insensitive as you come across in your op.

it is one thing not to let your loss overshadow your pregnancy.
That doesn't mean it is so easy for some others or that ignoring the loss and pain of previous pregnancies is the right route for all. And if you don't like it hide the thread. Why should people be denied the solace they seek here (it certainly kept me sane) cos others don't like to hear it? You could say the same of any tricky issue on here (eg relationships, health).

[messtins]

I can't get over the fact that you think you are being "a bit sensitive".....

[BackOnceAgainWithLoopyLoops]

Never mind your "we can't let it stop us being happy that we are lucky enough to have another chance at parenthood" you insensitive deluded . So many people have horrific pregnancies, how the bleeding hell do you think the pregnancy board can be all sweetness and light?

I've used the pregnancy boards for two pregnancies on here. The first got me through a stillbirth and live birth (twins) and the second got me through pregnancy after stillbirth. Who do you think you are to demand that people who need support (more than you, clearly, Miss isn't-it-all-lovely) aren't allowed to post on the forum designed for them.

Yes, I am angry. Enraged in fact. But despite that, in all kindness I suggest you go and take a look at NetMums. There are a lot of people who think like you over there, I'm sure they will look after you and sprinkle you suitably in fairy dust.

[messtins]

At the moment I'd be delighted with the label "pregnant after x MCs" since it's better than "not pregnant after x MCs"

[CaptainHoratioWragge]

Hi Littlesurprise, I too joined MN when I was newly pregnant with my first much loved and wanted baby.

Sadly that PG ended in a late MC at 20 weeks.

So did both my subsequent pregnancies.

In my darker moments I wonder if it is a failing in me- perhaps i'm just not a nice enough person to be a mummy?

Then I read an OP like yours and feel reassured.

If someone as colossally insensitive and morally bankrupt as you can sail through pregnancy it is clearly not a moral issue.

HTH

[Gigondas]

Well said captainhoratio

[BackOnceAgainWithLoopyLoops]

And my last piece of advice to you. If you were in any way "a bit sensitive", you would have the decency to post an apology for your horribly insensitive posts before going to Netmums.

[DuelingFanjo]

"I don't see how it helps anyone to refer to themselves as 'pregnant... after x MCs'. It's certainly not a label I want."

IIRC mumsnet is here to support people as well as for posting trivia. Many people come here to seek the support of other people who have been through the same things. You may have come through your Miscarriage fairly unscathed but many people don't and if you really do understand the pain of miscarriage then you should be able to double/treble/quadruple that and have empathy for others who have experienced it over and over again.

I think - if you are seeing loads of these threads then you must somehow be seeking them out, or perhaps you are not as 'over' your fears as you make out? Well done for trying to be positive about your new pregnancy.

[DesperatelySeekingPerfection]

captain that was very politely worded, I totally agree.

I am shocked that the OP has previously suffered a miscarriage. For me it makes her comments more insensitive. If that's possible.

[Witchety]

Oh my goodness! I am in

[BackOnceAgainWithLoopyLoops]

Thanks Filibear

[CailinDana]

What do you suggest? That the pregnancy board is censored so it only includes "positive" posts? Or that there is a warning at the top saying "You are not allowed to be sad or upset about anything on this board, it is only for inane chat about nothing"? Surely the point of a message board is that anyone can post about anything that's on their mind. I'm not sure what makes you think you can dictate what's acceptable for people to think about, but that level of narcissism is really quite astounding.

[mamalovesmojitos]

Gosh op, insensitive to the max. And strange, actually.

[catsmother]

I've miscarried before, I know it's beyond awful. But OH and I have chosen not to overshadow this pregnancy with our loss. Of course, we worry, but we can't let it stop us being happy that we are lucky enough to have another chance at parenthood.

I don't see how it helps anyone to refer to themselves as 'pregnant... after x MCs'. It's certainly not a label I want

What you've chosen, and the "label" you want - or not - to define yourself by is of course entirely up to you.

But it is NOT up to you to decree that other women who've suffered miscarriages must follow your example. I'm afraid your choice of words seems to carry within it the implication that women who don't cope "as well" as you do are somehow lacking, as if you are made of sterner stuff - and your opening post certainly suggests that you think they're selfish for having the temerity to rain on your parade with their "unnecessarily" negative (in your opinion) threads and posts.

Your attitude is incredibly arrogant and completely lacking in empathy. I envy any woman who appears able to put thoughts of previous miscarriage(s) to the back of her mind when she becomes pregnant again .... and yes, that's a sincere remark, because I wish I had had that ability (4 times over) and I wish I had that ability now, because thoughts of those losses still affect me. It's bloody destroying. However, it would seem you are in the minority and sadly, many, if not most women do find it very hard to put on a happy face and get on with it in any genuine sense - though of course that's what we do at family functions (so as not to embarrass anyone else), at work (because it wouldn't be professional to sob over your desk) and on nights out with friends (because you don't want to spoil everyone's evening). So .... for god's sake, do we now also have to pretend everything's fine and dandy on a forum which has been designed to bring women together in the hope they can offer each other help, support and advice which might just help you get through a particularly rough period ?

As has been said, it's usually simple to avoid potentially "upsetting" threads. Or hide them. Job done.