To not want to hear about it?

[Littlesurprise]

I became a member of MN fairly recently, when OH and I found out we are expecting. Of course, I giddily went straight to the pregnancy section hoping to coo and delight in the wonderful time of life... and it's full of misery.

I understand that sometimes it's helpful to air out your difficulties. But every other post is about MC, and there is a section for that outside of the preggos bit.

It just gets me really down, freaks me out. I'm not saying people should keep it to themselves - far from it, but it is just an ill-considered location. AIBU to feel uncomfortable with there being so much sadness on what I thought was a nice, positive forum?

I suspect I'm being a little bit sensitive I'm allowed to in my condition though, right?, but if I'm BU too, I'll happily go on my merry way; there's plenty of positivity IRL. Just seems a shame...

[ArielThePiraticalMermaid]

I think some people doubt the veracity of her claim.

[waltermittymissus]

What really bugs me is the "I've had a miscarriage" bit. Like that makes it ok to be a total twunt to other people!

[Viviennemary]

At first I did think other posters were being a bit harsh. But I re-read your opening post and yes, I think you are being a bit insensitive and selfish. You can't lock yourself away in a lovely little world where everything is always wonderful. Because it isn't.

[LadyMaryCrawley]

*desperately wants

[TheAccidentalExhibitionist]

Just you wait, being a parent has a funny way of forcing you to experience real life.

If you want to be a good parent, you may need to grow up first.

(1 DC and 5 miscarriages)

[LadyMaryCrawley]

The bit that annoyed me most was the "there's plenty of positivity in RL".

Well, yes, of course there is, but that's because nobody in real life talks about miscarriage or stillbirth or all the other less heartbreaking but still quite shit things about being pregnant like piles and heartburn and constipation and your pelvis falling apart - and these boards are the perfect place to worry and rant and know that you're speaking to people who are all in the same boat, all going through the same things, and aren't going to go all red and quiet and embarrassed like they might if you were having a coffee in RL with a friend and you suddenly blurted out in the middle of Starbucks that actually you were quite worried about the dull ache down the side of your abdomen and that you'd had this before and then started bleeding and lost the baby and had anyone any experience of the same thing?

And if it "freaks you out", well, that just makes you sound like a 12-year-old girl who desperately to start her periods so she can be all grown-up, and really has no idea how messy and painful and awful they can be because her entire knowledge of them is based on Always adverts.

[Alliwantisaroomsomewhere]

You poor, poor little thing - how awful to be upset by other people's miscarriages.

and that's for me. I could have been sorting out DC2 who would have been 7 months old. But, I'm not. OOOOOOOPSS!! sorry!!!!

[waltermittymissus]

When are you due to spawn ?

[achillea]

Not having had a MC I wasn't aware of the issues much but reading about other peoples experiences has made me realise how lucky I am.

[Vagaceratops]

Is the 'little surprise' how much of a cowbag you are?

[lotsofcheese]

Wow, OP. You're a real piece of work.

Empathy, compassion, care: ever heard of them?

I really hope you have your "heart & flowers" pregnancy. I have real concerns about how you will cope if not.

What with your "emotional stuntedness" and all.

You literally take the biscuit.

[awhistlingwoman]

. . .my first ever.

And

here . . .have my second as well

What a horrible, nasty post.

[ZenNudist]

So in the awful situation heaven forbid that something bad happens to you in your la la roses and daisies pregnancy just where do you go and post? Pregnancy right?

Also try and have a bit of empathy. What if YOU found yourself spotting or were worried it was the start of MC. (which I sincerely hope does not happen). Would you want to head over and enquire on the MC forum? It's likely you'd stick it in pregnancy. The state you'd be hoping to stay in.

Jeez

[Pickles101]

I thought you were just a bit thick when I first read this, then I saw the advanced search results and did one myself too. Oh my God. Don't even have a response. Have my first ever , I think you'll probably be the most deserving, too

[onetiredUTTERLYTERRIFYINGmummy]

Perhaps we could employ moderators on the pregnancy forums & anyone posting that isn't fluffy or coo-ey could have their comments deleted & replaced by a line of dancing rabbits.

Or perhaps we should message these posters & just let them know that they are not our type of people & they have to keep their MC's hidden for fear of boring others. If they want to talk about it then they should stay in their special miserable section & not talk to anyone they became friendly with on the pregnancy board at all as this is a positive forum.

After all, miscarriage only happens to bad mothers doesn't it, & us perfect people don't want to be tainted as remember its catching, like being poor & nobody wants that.

So yes you miserable posters, stay where you are supposed to be & don't come into our happy bit as we are all glowing with shiny hair & congratulating each other, as you know, its not luck, our good pregnancies mean we are all special & greatly superior to you!

[MadBanners]

"I suspect I'm being a little bit sensitive I'm allowed to in my condition though, right?,"

You are not being a little bit sensitive, you are being crass, and no, you are not allowed!

[janey1234]

Unbelievable.

[QuenelleIsOrangeAndGoldForNow]

The OP might have said it was her first pregnancy because she didn't want to mention her MC.

[WelshMaenad]

No, I don't think I'm your kind of person at all.

Thank fuck.

[dinkystinky]

OP - I thought that your original post on the thread was ill thought out and insensitive. When I was in early pregnancy I found it extremely hard to read the threads about early miscarriages or hear about early miscarriages in my ante-natal MN group as I found it made me worry about every single symptom so I get why you may feel that way - but that's not to mean that those threads/posts shouldnt be there on the boards (and indeed having subsequently gone on to have several early miscarriages I feel reassured when I see those who previously suffered MCs find support and hope). Each person's pregnancy is different - some thrive, some dont; some feel fine, some feel terrible; some have worries over their unborn child and their future health - some of these worries are unfounded, some sadly arent - just as each person's life and relationships are different. Would you say that the threads in relationships about broken down relationships shouldnt be there as it upsets those starting on new relationships? Or the threads in education about difficulties with schools shouldnt be there as it worries parents whose children are just starting on their school journeys?

[bbface]

I hope you are in very early pregnancy, so you have a few months to try and become a little more empathetic, thoughtful and open minded before your baby comes along.

I suspect though that it is too late. At least try to conceal this kind of attitude from your child.

[SackGirl]

Littlesurprise. Maybe you need to re-evaluate the 'you en masse aren't my type of people' and just realise that what you said was hurtful and insensitive. I suffer with extreme anxiety so much so I had to have a years worth of CBT so obviously got very scared stumbling upon threads on the internet about MC's or any other types of problems. I had a few issues in my pregnancy i.e low lying placenta, also my little man has a cleft lip (which is very minor and he is beautiful) and so had a few scares myself. Should people keep anything that's not positive to themselves? how F'ing ridiculous as I'm writing this I'm actually becoming increasingly angry at your OP and your pigheaded replies to everyone else.

[Fakebook]

I don't know why I opened this thread again.

Who the fuck would LIE about having a miscarriage? What a fucking piece of work you are OP. You horrible horrible evil person.

If anyone had any sense, you'd report this thread.

[StaceymReadyForNumber3]

OP yabvu and I am saddened that any pregnant woman (who may or may not have previously had a miscarriage ) can come out with this insensitive rubbish.

I cannot begin to imagine what many many women have gone through during losses/stillbirths etc. as thankfully the only mcs I have had we're at 5 weeks. If they want to find help/advice/a shoulder to cry on, they can do it wherever the hell they like for all I care. There but for the grace of god that it's not you having to endure that nightmare.

If you have indeed left I'm pretty sure you won't be missed.