to have found this really quite nasty and be offended?

[emsyj]

OK, so this involves the dreaded Facebook ((sigh))...

A friend I met at work a few years back (who now lives on the other side of the world, so our only contact is via Facebook and emails) made a post yesterday along the lines, 'the fact that it's disguised as a cutesy monkey backpack doesn't detract from the fact that your kid is on a leash'. I assume she was referring to those backpacks with reins attached. DD has one of these, it was a gift from some friends and we have used it on occasion as she likes to walk, hates the buggy and won't reliably hold a hand (I guess it's tiring to reach up and hold an adult's hand for a long period when you're 2). So anyway, I replied saying that they were useful and better than the child running off and getting squashed by a car - all very light-hearted at this point, and I was in no way offended. A few other people (whom I don't know personally) posted too, just casual lighthearted type comments, nothing controversial.

However, later on in the day she replied with, 'Why can't you just put it in a pram or carry the child, putting it on a lead like a dog is demeaning for a child'. Hmm, so I thought this was quite rude - I am demeaning my child, am I? Also I am 6 months pg and DD weighs 30lb, so I couldn't carry her (even if either of us wanted that, which neither of us do!) and she doesn't like the buggy, she enjoys walking. How is it better to wrestle her into the buggy and listen to her scream and thrash around whilst I wheel her along?

I refrained from posting anything back but then later still, other people had responded to her and she then said that child reins are equivalent to putting people with mental disabilities and dementia on leads, and that you can 'feed your kid what you want, do what you want, but do it in public and expect others to have an opinion about it'. I was a bit - and I don't really understand what her point is or why she would care so much, but AIBU to think this was a needlessly inflammatory thing to say? It seems that she is saying, (a) that I demean my child and that (b) my treatment of DD is akin to abuse of people suffering with dementia or disabled people. I was really really offended by this and have felt quite upset (pregnancy hormones) but am I being excessively precious?

Gosh, this is already long and I really didn't mean to turn it into a 'are reins okay' debate - I personally think they're fine, and I am happy for others to not like them/not approve etc, but I do draw the line at a so-called friend accusing me of abusing my child. Interestingly, this person is expecting her first baby so I posted back, 'I was a perfect parent before I had kids too - good luck with that.' Was that reasonable?

Still feel quite about the whole thing.

Not at all. Love how people twist things!!

She's been mean, now she's realising that. IT's KARMA!!!!!

I've said it before, I used to be a right judgemental duck about reins (not that bad, but still) because my dd didn't need them. It used to puzzle me why they couldn't just teach their kids to hold hands and behave.

Then I had DS, who 90% of the time will hold hands and behave and 10% of the time will bolt. I decided I quite liked him and didn't want him squished in the road, and i also have snother child to worry about, so we have a selection of rucksacks with reins, one for every occasion, and I love them, and freely admit that I was previously a dick!

I don't wish her any ill fortune, I'm sure her views on a lot of things will 'soften' when she finds out how hard parenthood can be. But I am really surprised at her view that everyone is entitled to an opinion on anything you do in public - this is not like her. I can imagine that if anyone approached her to criticise her parenting that she would give them short shrift. She is hardly a shy, retiring type...

She's missing the point that, yes, everyone IS entitled to an opinion on things that happen in public, and her gobbing off on Facebook is a thing very much in public...

Your response was great. If someone caught me on a really bad day with a comment like that, I'd be tempted to come out with a patronising, "Ha ha, yes I used to have all kinds of opinions like that until I actually had kids."

She'd hate me. I have twin reins for my boys. It's like working a team of huskies. If the reins traumatise them that much then I'll happily pay for them to have therapy when they're older.

If she lives at the other side of the world, she can't possibly have known what reins your kid has, so it can't be a dig at you.Just accept people have different opinions .No need to feel you have to defend yourself.

what does she think of strapping up kids in car seats? Is that demeaning too?

I disagree with her too, but her comments would not have offended me - she is entitled to her opinion, even if it makes me roll my eyes.
Why are you worried about it?

Tell her to bugger off. What does she expect you to do? Let your child run under the wheels of a bus just to satisfy her? Rude cow. Unfriend her immediately.

YANBU - and your response to her was spot-on.

For what it's worth, I think reins are absolutely fine - much better to have a safe child than one who runs off into the road without any prior warning.

(Oh and my grandson had the monkey backpack and he loved it! It was like his little friend).

Lol she's obviously going to have a perfectly behaved child who will hold Mummy's hand at all times.....

The rucksack versions actually look much nicer than the ones that just strap round the child's body and don't even pretend to be something cute. At the end of the day though they all still do the same job and keep your child unsquashed by a big bus!

YABU and over sensitive. She's an acquaintance you knew from work who doesn't even live on the same side of the world as you anymore and whose only contact with you is passively through FB updates. What she said is neither nasty nor offensive - if you took offense at it that's down to you not her.

Perhaps she would also be of the opinion that Attends / adult-sized nappies are degrading to those with profound learning difficulties too. Fucking idiot.

OP I think YANBU to find her very bloody rude and your reply was PERFECT!

YANBU

She sounds like a right knobber

Great reply OP- did she respond after that?

I would save her entire post and when she puts up a picture of her child on reins backpack/reins, in few years time send it in a pm and see what she says ;) I remember going off my head about dummies before ds1 was born, I caved 4 days in.....

Ignore it. It's not worth getting stressed about.

I hate ignorant shit heads on Facebook!

How can she think its better for a child to be carried or wheeled everywhere then walk?!

I've seen so much loud mouthed rubbish on Facebook recently that I've started deleting people. They've got to go!

I don't know if she replied any further Isabelle as I can't see her profile any more having defriended her. I wasn't sure if she might private message or email me afterwards, but nothing so far - she's generally quite forthright, yet also usually very liberal - in other words, she is the type who would immediately and openly challenge someone who made sexist/racist remarks, but not usually the type to make snide comments or criticise people. I'm really very surprised at her on this one I have to say.

This may have already been posted as I haven't had the chance to read all of these but, how is it any more demeaning to the child than forcibly restraining them in a pushchair. We aren't allowed to tie adults to chairs so why should it be any different for a child who hates the buggy. also, it's no wonder we have an obesity epidemic on our hands if we aren't encouraging toddlers to walk.
FWIW we used propper reins with both DC, especially in Disneyland Paris as didn't want 2 year old lost in crowd, the looks we got you'd have thought we were serial kilers or something not parents who had sensibly risk assessed the situation and found a solution that worked for everyone.
Result of our rein use: no obesity, never lost a child, no squished children and no bad back from lugging kids who really want to walk

how is it any more demeaning to the child than forcibly restraining them in a pushchair. We aren't allowed to tie adults to chairs so why should it be any different for a child who hates the buggy.

Ooh such a shame you didn't say that before defriending her.

emsyj...I would say she probably thinks her viewpoint is terribly liberal and that she is therefore justified in her judgey-ness (is that a word?).

Rest assured she'll cringe about this one day.

I thought reins were crap until I needed them for my DS.

FFS. DD at 3 is not reliablly walking holding hands, or potty trained for that matter. I don't really care what anybody else thinks so long as they keep it to themselves. We would love to use the leash option (we have the cute backpack!) but sadly wilful monster just sits on the ground until we pick her up if she's not in the mood to walk. We have a rose and rebellion preschool carrier. We expect to be using it for some time :) DS at twenty months is a frightful bolter, so we use a harness. It's leather and cute. It matches the cats' collars. I would quite like to put bells on it...

The opposite of reins is perfect training, not "buggy or carry." She has a lot to learn in the Land of the Judgeypants.