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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be shocked at the school

279 replies

wonderingwendy · 17/10/2012 18:40

handing out my 11 year old dd tampons ?
i was really angry .
she knows all about periods and we have a very open relationship ,she has sanitary towels and that is the best option for me and her i believe
im just shocked as to how my little girl would even manage to get a tampon inside her .
the teacher gave it to them and they weren't even in a sex education class.

OP posts:
Witchety · 18/10/2012 09:45

Sick?? Oh god, sock of course!

chocoluvva · 18/10/2012 11:23

CailinDana, it's another example of 'the state' wanting to have an input into every last little aspect of our lives IMO. Given that we HAVE to send our DCs to school to be educated - unless you home educate - to my mind school's 'teaching' about a practical - it's not what I would consider to be a necessary part of education ie becoming literate, numerate and learning about the environment and our culture - is intruding into the parent's role.
I agree with you about sanitary towels and tampons being on a par with toilet roll, but the OP probably doesn't and she has the right to her view.
The OP sees telling her DD about periods and how to manage them - which she has done - as something for a parent to do - I think. She had prepared her DD in the way she thought best and now, I think, feels overruled by the school who have done things differently from the way she thought best for her DD.

CailinDana · 18/10/2012 11:27

I see where you're coming from choco, but again I feel that using tampons or towels doesn't have any moral or social implications really - giving information on them is just a factual thing that allows a girl to make a good decision for herself. It's a different matter than, for example, giving information on abortion, which might go against a family's religious beliefs. A parent wanting to stand in the way of a girl getting this information can only be a negative controlling thing IMO, so it's good that the school steps in and just gives it in a factual way. Controlling, secretive behaviour around normal bodily functions like periods can lead to massive misery for girls, and I'm glad schools have the opportunity to alleviate that.

CailinDana · 18/10/2012 11:28

To add, I do think the state has a responsibility to allow access to normal, non-contentious information like this, which children might otherwise struggle to get hold of.

madamecake · 18/10/2012 11:32

YABU. When we had the talk about periods in school I found it very useful as my mum tried to avoid any conversation about the subject, and just presented me with a pack of sanitary towels!
The free tampons were great as I was able to try them and discover I prefered them.

chocoluvva · 18/10/2012 11:55

I completely see your point too, CailinDana, about preventing possible harm to children whose parents have views that might lead to difficulties for them.
But I still feel for the OP who feels her views (however in the minority they might be) are being stepped on by the school.
I would have been pleased for my DD to have been given tampons by the school - provided that she didn't feel she HAD to use them or felt bad if she found them difficult to use, as some girls/women do.

steppemum · 18/10/2012 11:57

Ok I haven't read the whole thread but I feel very strongly about this.

I started my periods at 13. We didn't have any sex ed etc. I was at boarding school, and had a small bag of sanitary towels ready in my drawer. My friend, who was a year older and had started earlier, soon gave me tampons and showed me explained how to use them. I would have been totally and utterly lost and mortified eveyr month without them. My periods were heavy from the word go. I would have had bloodied sheets and had to miss pe and run out of lessons to change pads. they simply were no good for me. I am eternally grateful to the girl who showed me. I cannot imagine life at school as a teenage girl without tampons.

When I was teaching, my friend had a year 6 class, as part of their sex ed they do all about how their body will change with puberty. They explained periods (and by the way 25% of girls begin before aged 11) and then they showed then sanitary towlels. This bit was done by the school nurse. My friends asked why they didn't explain what tampons were. Oh no couldn't do that they said, we don't advise tampon use for under 20 years old REALLY? My friend showed the girls some tampons to explain what they were (didn't recommend them, just thought it was very stupid not to explain something they were going to come across and was relevant, I htink she said something like you might see these around, women use them when they are older) Then she phoned up her sister who is a gp and asked her about it.

The gp went away to check on all current advice and its source. She phoned my friend back and said that the recommendation is that under 20 do not use them This is NOT based on ANY medical information that they are dangerous or more likely to cause toxic shock in teenagers. This is based ONLY on the fact that they think teenagers are less reliable users and therefore can't be trusted.

So we can give teenagers condoms and they can be trusted to use those, but not tampons???

I uses to find my mums tampons in her bag when I was little. She told me even then what they were. What is the big deal? Why is it a problem to educate your daughter with something that will help her in the future?

VonScareBurton · 18/10/2012 12:06

5madthings I'm gonna do that when ds gets home!

Have had the period 'talk', all very open from an early age when he saw boxes of tampons/towels out, but I think actually demo'ing it by putting them into water makes a lot of sense and would hold his interest and take away the 'mystery' that some 9 year old boys may feel.

Btw, OP, I see what you mean, but I'm sorry YABU. They all got them. Whatever she decides to use, a free sample doesn't force her into a decision.

steppemum · 18/10/2012 12:07

forgot to say that the incident I mentioned was some time ago and I think it has now changed again

steppemum · 18/10/2012 12:08

vonscare: I found some expanded tampons in my ds room a while ago. I had been curious and wanted to know what they did! I found it hard to keep a straight face!

VonScareBurton · 18/10/2012 12:15

steppe what did they say Grin ?

I imagine my ds would say something like 'oh, the fell in the sink/toilet and I forgot to tell you' yeah right

VonScareBurton · 18/10/2012 12:15

they not the

steppemum · 18/10/2012 12:29

I pointed them out and he went bright red and then said I just wondered.... I did actually laugh out loud and explained a bit about them.

IneedAsockamnesty · 18/10/2012 13:05

steppemum

the strange advice some people give regarding teenagers use of tampons (under 20's) is a lot to do with a lack of knowledge and fear.

in the late 70's along with the previous new invention tampon that was introduced, higher absorbancy tampons also arrived by the 80's they over took the sales of light/normal flow tampons very quickly. at about the same time most companies also removed the dont use over night warnings,that had previously been on the packets.

this led to loads of people automaticly picking up the tampons designed for heavey flows when they didnt need them and keeping them in for much longer than the recamended 4-6 hours.

think about it this way, how many of us only change a tampon when it starts to leak without even thinking about it? i reckon loads.

its easyer to say dont use them untill your older than it is to drum into people that its important to use a suitable absorbancy for your body AND to change it at least every 4-6 hours but in all fairness not many adults read the leaflet that comes with them so its fairly safe to think the mum wont give the important info to a child if the mum does not know it herself.

this is why 'teenage' tampons came on the market called either junior or lites/light and have a absorbancy of about 6g max and they used to have snazzy packets to appeal to younger users to try and prevent the problems caused by using super absorbancy ones.

under 20's and over 20's for that matter should be perfectly safe to use tampons if they are educated correctly and have no pre existing streptococcus skin infections. obviously there is a risk for compleatly healthy people but its tiny.

fwiw,im a mooncup user normally, a thick pad user after giving birth and an occasional tampon user if i have fogotten to sterilise my mooncup.

they lady who does phse classes with me (i do sexual respect and domestic violence she does sexual health and body changes) often surgests to parents that they keep a box of small/light tampons, none sented or deodrised thin towels, a couple of very thin liners and a moon cup somewhere accesable in the house. go through the instruction leaflets with dd's very matter of factly talk about disposal of items and tell dd's that blood stains should be removed with COLD water not hot and salt can help bad staining.

she surgests not offering your opinun just very matter of fact product info combined with answering question about body changes. that way the child knows all the options wont chuck away so much underware or trousers and can make up there own mind with out presure. she also says (and i agree due to a recent vagina on fire issue) sented or towels containing beads intended to remove smells are the devils work and should be avoided

Crazyx4 · 18/10/2012 15:51

Just found this thread and it has motivated me to have the talk with dd (10). My own mother didn't bother to tell me and I only found out one Sunday morning when I was 11. Thank god it wasn't a school day! I had absolutely no idea what was happening as the helpful booklet the school had handed out was confiscated by my mother before I got chance to read it!

She gave me those wonderful pads with the belt. Great.
And I wasn't allowed to wear tampons as they were only for immoral people! As a sporty person who was in every sports team going, I felt my world had come to an end.

When I was about 13 I started buying my own tampons with my pocket money and I had to hide them from my parents. Funnily enough, I'm still not very close to my mum and feel a lot of it comes from around this time in my life. (She had some bizarre outdated views). And I'm only 36! So going to talk to dd tonight as I really don't want her to go through the same. Thanks MNers for motivating me.

AllPastYears · 18/10/2012 19:59

Crazy, my mum didn't talk to me really either (though I knew from friends what would happen and I was 14 when I started, so that helped). However, at least she didn't give me pads with a belt - in fact, I've never even seen one and I'm 46!

chocoluvva · 18/10/2012 20:26

I think OP's DD would have found out about tampons anyway. What with her friends, google.....

Ephiny · 18/10/2012 20:34

My mum never talked to me about periods either - fortunately I had some idea what to expect from school/friends, but the most my mum did was furtively hand me a packet of (mattress-like) pads and ask in a whisper 'you know what to do with these, don't you' Hmm. It was definitely a shameful secret in our house.

From about 12 I started to have bad period pains, remember throwing up and being curled up on my bed in awful pain not being able to tell anyone what was wrong or why :(. I used to take painkillers secretly from the cupboard when I could, and started buying them myself when I was old enough.

chocoluvva · 18/10/2012 20:49

The OP on the other hand did speak to her DD about sanitary protection!
Not sure why she objects to tampons, but it's her DD.

doinmummy · 18/10/2012 21:01

Our school nurse told us the story of the girl whos mum gave her a Dr Whites towel with loops but didn't explain how to wear it. The girl tried to put her legs through the loopsConfused

MinkSlink · 18/10/2012 21:20

Some really disgusting posts on here, some of you should be utterly ashamed of yourselves Angry

redexpat · 18/10/2012 21:21

She can use them as firelighters. Smile

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 18/10/2012 21:26

I used tampons from my first period aged 15. My daughter did too, aged 13. Tampons imo are the only way to go espeically for a teenage in a mixed school doing PE, swimming etc.

FryOneGhoulishGhostlyManic · 18/10/2012 21:57

DD is 12 and is on her 4th or 5th period now, since she was about 11.5. So far her preference has been for the large "bricks", doubled up, as at present her periods have come in rather heavy, and the bricks have given her some mental reassurance.

I'm all for ensuring she feels okay about her options, and crucially, about feeling okay when at school.

I have explained tampons and shown her mine, so far she doesn't feel ready. That's her choice, she knows she can use whatever's in the bathroom drawer when she feels ready, as I have a varied supply covering light to heavy flow.

My Mum didn't really talk to me a lot about it all. In fact my first period began before she'd even spoken to me, I was about 12. When I reached 13 I tried tampons, as I wanted to go swimming, and never looked back. Oddly enough, I'm now 44 and have only just tried Lilets, as I'm finding the widthways expansion more comforatble (and reliable) than the Tampax lengthways version.

So DD is getting a range of options now! Grin

steppemum · 19/10/2012 10:41

minkslink - which posts do you find disgusting and why??

I can see opinions being offered, but nothing that is disgusting