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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be shocked at the school

279 replies

wonderingwendy · 17/10/2012 18:40

handing out my 11 year old dd tampons ?
i was really angry .
she knows all about periods and we have a very open relationship ,she has sanitary towels and that is the best option for me and her i believe
im just shocked as to how my little girl would even manage to get a tampon inside her .
the teacher gave it to them and they weren't even in a sex education class.

OP posts:
ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 17/10/2012 21:00

I apologise if I was rude Blush. It wasn't on.

Still think you were being a little daft, mind.

aldiwhore · 17/10/2012 21:06

I was given 3 tampons in the first year of high school, as were all the girls... it was a bit too little to late for me as I started them earlier, but suddenly I was able to go swimming (and rock climbing and dancing - yeh bodyform) and it was a revelation.

wonderingwendy I respect your right as a mother to do/suggest what you think is best for you and your dd, but at 11, your dd will have a mind of her own too. I actually chose NOT to go swimming (rock climbing etc etc) because I didn't like the idea of tampons, I tried using them and just didn't get the knack for a few more years, but I still remember thinking "cool, I don't have to miss out on anything!"

Sanitary towels are much MUCH better than they used to be, and I agree with you that if I had a dd, they would be my prefered product to suggest.

YABVU for being 'shocked' that your 11 yr old daughter has been educated, has been given other options and ideas to your own, and that it was done in school.

When we were given tampax and a funky holder, I used the holder for pens, and everyone had a jolly old time in the playground throwing them in puddles to watch them expand and then chuck them at the boys.

cynister · 17/10/2012 21:07

I do believe there are tampons meant especially for younger women. They are v slim and small. I wish I could think of the brand.

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 17/10/2012 21:09

Lil-lets do very small ones.

IneedAsockamnesty · 17/10/2012 21:16

for those that are intrested tss (toxic shock) is not just caused by tampon use and the most recent info regarding it states that 3 or 4 out of 100,000 tampon users will get it,

even the cdc has stopped monitering it due to only 4 deaths a year (8 being the highest) in the usa i have a sneeking surspision thats less risky than putting your trousers on in the dark.

tampons when the lowest absorbancy possible for your flow and changed frequently and not used overnight are very very safe and will not cause tss.

the tampon that was seriously linked with a massive increase in tss in the late 70's was a very strange cup type tampon but made of polyester and carbonmethylcellulose and was marketed and intended to be used as 1 tampon for an entire period then disposed off so at the start you insert then leave inside your vagina for how ever long you were bleeding for,
they were recalled in the early 80's thats where a huge amount of fear comes from.

Molehillmountain · 17/10/2012 21:17

Op

Molehillmountain · 17/10/2012 21:21

Sorry- op I think you've had an amazing response to this thread. You have also made me have a good old think about it all- dd1 is seven so only a year or two before I'll let her know about periods so that she's not taken by surprise. And although I'd taken it for granted that I'd talk to her about towels and tampons, I hadn't really thought about all the options. Moon cups are something I haven't used and if I hadn't read this thread I'd probably not have mentioned them to dd either. So now, when it comes to putting together a little pack of stuff to keep just in case I'll make sure it has a moon cup. Smile

flow4 · 17/10/2012 21:47

Wendy, if your mum never spoke to you about periods at all, it must be very hard to give your daughter good advice, and that probably feels a bit sad. I hate it when my kids need my advice or support and I don't feel able to give it :(

If you want to swot up on it all (esp. if you feel that your daughter may have more information than you have yourself!) you might find links like this useful:

www.likeitis.org/periods_print.html

www.nhs.uk/Livewell/puberty/Pages/Startingperiods.aspx

I started my periods when I was 11, and chose to use pads rather than tampons. (I think I was a bit afraid of the spiky bits on the cardboard applicators for the brand my mum used! - and I still prefer tampons without applicators)... I think the first time I used tampons was when I had my period on holiday, and I didn't want to miss out on the swimming pool!

Now (I'm 47) I use both, and they each have their pros and cons: I definitely prefer pads at night, and I still enjoy swimming, and tampons are best for that...

TBH it sounds like you're doing a reasonably good job of giving your daughter options... And (sorry if this is cheeky!) maybe you'll be tempted to try tampons yourself sometime! Grin

whathaveiforgottentoday · 17/10/2012 22:05

I got given lillets tampons in year 6 (or top juniors as it was in my day). I used tampons straight away when my periods finally arrived age 13 as I was a swimmer and had a gala that night. I think I used the very tampons I'd been given in junior school! Never had a problem with them.

DeepPurple · 17/10/2012 22:08

We were given tampon samples at around the same age and a snazzy holder for them too. I think you are over reacting somewhat. Many girls have started their periods by that age.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 17/10/2012 22:15

Witchetty - ohh god, yes - I had the belted towels. And mum handed them over with little or no explanation. Plus she decided that the best way to dispose of them was for me to wrap them in newspaper and put them in a bag in a bathroom cupboard, and then she or dad would incinerate them in our coke-fired central heating boiler!! Even when I bought the flush able ones, with the sticky strips, I couldn't flush them as we weren't on mains drainage. Puberty was such fun!!

PickledFanjoCat · 17/10/2012 22:15

Wendy - At latest you spoke about it, my mum never did and I tried to put a lil-et in!!

I couldn't and spent months thinking I had a malformed foof.

Tampax minis are tiny tiny. Was it one of those?

PuffPants · 17/10/2012 22:28

Slightly off the point but...am I the only one who still carries their tampons around in the little plastic flippy case they gave you when you had The Talk at school? Mine's navy blue. It doesn't click shut anymore but I find it indispensable! Grin

And do they still do Tampax Minis? They were like cigarettes! I didn't start my periods till I was 14 (and a half), I spent years looking at my little trio sample pack, wondering when I'd get the chance to use them. Actually didn't use them till I was nearly 16.

Loveweekends10 · 17/10/2012 22:33

When my dd started her period she was 9 and I have to say I didn't want her to use tampons then. She was still at primary school. It was hard to rationalise the feeling but at that age it didn't feel right. I never told her she couldn't though. Anyway she has decided now she is 12 to use tampons which is fine.
I think some of the comments on here to the op have been quite offensive and really inappropriate.

NumericalMum · 17/10/2012 22:34

I refused to go to school when I had to wear pads. My mum got me tampons (I was 11 and she had had a hysterectomy when I was 5 so had to ask the neighbour's daughters about them!) but it changed my life. I only wear pads at night now. Would rather walk over hot coals.

chocoluvva · 17/10/2012 22:49

It's having part of your parenting taken away from you without notice, isn't it OP?
You are perfectly entitled to your views and she is YOUR DD - I'm glad a few posters eventually made supportive comments.
I was quite put out when my DS was given a talk on 'knife crime' when he was 8, without prior notice from the school. I felt it was too young and something he'd never had any reason to think about was now on his mind.
In one region of scotland there's a scheme where school nurses can give the morning-after-pill to girls as young as 13 without informing their parents. I find that horrifying (though I understand the thinking behind it).

recall · 17/10/2012 22:52

I do think it is a mother daughter type thing rather than a teacher pupil one.

TapirBackRider · 17/10/2012 22:55

It's been a couple of hours since the OP posted, but in case you are still reading your thread; I do think that YABU, and may have over-reacted to this considering it is a standard talk where they were given examples of the most common types of sanpro.

My aunt (who raised me) 'discussed' sanitary protection with me when I was 9/10, but it was done in such a way that I was fully discouraged from disagreeing with her opinion in any way, shape or form. She had decided that tampons were not the right thing for girls to be using and over the course of time guilted and pressured me into agreeing with her. In her eyes, only morally impure people used tampons; sanitary towels were what good girls used.

Once I hit puberty and started periods I loathed and detested towels - great bulky brick-like things that had loops on which fitted onto a belt to keep them in place, and I was desperate to use tampons. I wasn't the only one in that situation either - many of my peers had parents who taught much the same thing, or worse.

The girls in my year (age 11) at high school were gathered together and given a talk about sanitary protection, where free samples were handed around, and lots of myths about periods etc were dispelled; very necessary because of the rubbish that a lot of girls were told by their parents, and for those who weren't told anything at all.

My dd's sanpro is completely and entirely up to her. I bought her both, went through the mechanics of using them, and have left the matter in her hands because it is, after all her body.

This is not YOUR decision to make for her, it is hers and it may be a good idea to let her make it without any inference as to your preference for her.

MollyMurphy · 17/10/2012 22:58

YABU...it's just a sanitary option as lots of girls her age have or shortly will, start their period. I'm not hearing much of an explanation on why it bothers you exactly. I don't see why you need to be the gatekeeper of basic hygiene and personal care options.

BrittaPerry · 17/10/2012 23:11

Do they still make those tampons with a little bit of lube in a pocket at the end f the sachet?

They were the only ones I ever really got on with. I seem to remember they were small, too - I think they were aimed at teenagers.

chocoluvva · 17/10/2012 23:11

"the gatekeeper of basic hygiene and personal care options".
Wow, that's a really useful way to think about this issue. My DD wasn't given anything by her school and I was thinking I might have felt a bit the same as the OP if she had, but when you put it like that.....
But the school should have at the very least informed the parents beforehand and given an opt out possibility IMO.

euwa · 17/10/2012 23:16

Did they hand out sanitary towels/pads too? If not then I would say YANBU.

GhostofMammaTJ · 17/10/2012 23:24

Well done OP for taking some of our thoughts on board and having another chat with your DD!! Much credit to you for that.

CailinDana · 18/10/2012 07:51

Choco, genuine question, why does there need to be an opt out possibility? I ask because to me sanitary towels and tampons are on a par with toilet paper - totally innocuous. I don't see why any parent would have a legitimate reason to stand in the way of their daughter learning about them. They are a necessary part of life, not an optional thing that will somehow lead a child astray. Plus at 11 I think a girl is well able to decide herself what suits her own body - a parent stepping and making the decision for her seems incredibly controlling.

Witchety · 18/10/2012 09:45

sickreturningpixie thanks for taking the time to post that about TSS, very reassuring, thanks!