to think it must be possible to have breakfast and feed a 16 month old?

[ICBINEG]

As the winter approaches my 16mo has been sleeping later. So far so good. But every morning for the last few weeks, I get up and get ready for work and am about to set off when DD poops and I get a plea from my OH to help change her nappy. DD then wants breakfast and my OH insists that it isn't possible for both of them to eat at the same time. So if I don't stay and help DD with her breakfast OH won't get fed till her afternoon nap time.

Previously it wasn't an issue for me to change and fed DD her breakfast but now it is making me late for work every day.

So AIBU to think that stay at home other halves can in fact change nappies and get themselves and a 16 mo breakfasted without needing assistance?

TheEnglishwoman. I think its only a gender issue when he is called pathetic, when a woman in the same situation would never be in a million years.

Op. Can you get public transport? Can he some days to get him out?

These days my dh walks and then gets public transport and i have the car, unless he specifically needs it. But when the babies were smaller he always took it because it took hours on the train otherwise. I was so isolated! I did sometimes get a bus or train but wasn't very confident doing that, buggy issues, screamer child due to reflux and they would then vomit all over themselves! Nightmare!

We are avoiding a second car as well.

My 17mo DS is only just managing to feed himself with a fork or spoon. Because I was being a bit too precious about mess to let him try.

could your DH put an oilcloth or old sheet on the floor underneath the highchair, give her some toast fingers and a bowl of porridge and let her get on with it?

fuckadoodle hmmm I just caught myself in a whopping double standard...I was going to say it would take ages to get to work by public trasnsport but that it would work well for DH and DD.

Maybe it isn't totally stupid. They could get at least some interesting places easily on the bus. The main problem for me getting home is that the buses stop running frequently far too early in the day. It is also two buses to work which is a massive arse pain with connections where as just getting into town to mooch is just one.

hmmm. Well I am totally taking on board the isolation point. I also think it is painfully clear we need more routine in our life. We are so used to doing things whenever and however - but we need to grow up! (only 34 yo after all ).

terror ohh we already have that :) have been BLW (except for breakfast obviously).

We have just in the last couple of days made some progress with the whole 'no you don't actually have to push the uneaten food on the floor and put the bowl on your head to indicate you are done eating' concept.

Perhaps share the car? He has it days you know you'll be coming home before the bus' stop and if he needs it to get to certain things, and you have it on the other days. Perhaps try to make it half and half if that's possible.

Young toddlers struggle with forks/spoons because their wrist bones are under developed until around 18 months.

Let them eat with their hands!

I can't drive , I have poor coordination and really struggle with doing several things at once while watching the road etc. But I can change a pooey nappy singlehanded and couldmanage to feed myself while looking after a 16 month old. If he can drive, I'm sure he can manage those things.

iggly that is interesting about wrists! I can see from the way she tries to use the spoon that she is doomed to failure....mind you her fine motor control as tested by shape sorting is pretty crap also.

My 15mth old wakes at 5/6am , I breastfeed dress and change her. Make tea and toast with her toddling round (emptying cupboard) eat toast (she has a bit). My OH sleeps til 630, showers etc. While I make toast for my OH he has a little play with our DD, he eats toast in the car leaving at 645. (his preference so he can lie in). I feed her breakfast Wheatabix, (actually all meals) do all nappy changes, go swimming, playgroup , park at least once a day , toddler singing. Do all the shopping. All the cooking. All the cleaning and washing. Without a car since OH takes it to work. My OH does bathtime. I put her to bed since she has a feed, she still wakes for a feed in the night. On a Sunday after her morning feed I get a lie-in . I am laughing hysterically at the thought of asking my OH to help with a nappy change or feeding her (maybe when she was a week old - but even post caesarean I would have thought it pathetic). My job ceased to exist and until I can get another one and afford childcare OH is supporting us, so feel I need to do my bit.

I think most SAHMs or dads would find this a non issue, what about parents that are having to look after babies/toddlers whilst getting older kids ready to take to school? Or where both parents are working?

I find at around the 18 month mark, snack or finger foods are your friend! I give my 16 month old DS some sort of oat cake or bar while I sort out my DD for school and then when we get back from dropping her off, I make a big bowl of porridge and eat it together. Changing a nappy takes 2 mins. Both my kids are very strong willed so that's no excuse, he will have to assert himself.

Sorry but this is a load of rubbish my OH never been around on a week morning, I've managed to BF a newborn, have a 22 month old, a 4 yo at nursery and a 6yo at school. I could feed them all, feed myself and get them all out for 9am and I am certainly not superwoman.

Mini shredded wheat allowed to soak in a bit of milk for a couple of minutes. DS has been able to feed himself this without mess since he started solids.

It's not essential for the toddler to have cereal and milk for breakfast. Or things involving spoons.

Mine feeds himself any combination of the following

Chopped cold sausage (chipolatas are good. If your DP makes this the night before he can save a couple and microwave them for himself with a nap, there's his breakfast sorted too)

Dry Cheerios and a non spill cup of milk

Chopped strawberries, melon and blueberries - I chop a load up every 2-3 days and we both snack on it.

Small chunks of cheese and pear in a bowl.

An oatcake spread with Philadelphia.

Leftover potato made into a Spanish omelette and cut in chunks. This is also fine made day before and whipped out of the fridge.

A banana

Toasted pitta bread slices and yoghurt to dip them into.

Dry muesli. He will pick through it for ages looking for currants.

Cut up toasted bagel With Philly or peanut butter.

Big splash mat under the IKEA wipe clean less than fifteen quid high chair is your friend.

Mine gets plonked in chair with any of the above and a truck, while I boil kettle, slam toast in or grab cereal. At the very least a handful of Cheerios buys you ten minutes which is all you need to prep something for yourself and the toddler. All else fails, YOUTUBE has Peppa Pig episodes on and each one lasts five mins.

you can always give cereal or porrdge at some other point in the day if you feel strongly about it.

Why does he have to eat at the same time ? In 6 years I've eaten breakfast with my DC's twice (once was pancakes and once was on holiday).

They would have finger food from a young age and I would potter, tidy and get the day ready. Depending on how early they woke I would have my breakfast before or after them.

I eat breakfast with my 11mo twins every day alone and have always done, DH is out the door at 715 every day. I just do a bowl if cereal and:or a slice of toast for me and eat it inbetween their spoonfuls. They can pick up toast fingers and fruit while I make a coffee. Then I stick radio on and sing along while tidying up while they dance in their high chairs.
I work 3 days a week as well so get up and dressed before they wake up (and wear a dressing gown over clothes in case of spillages). So I really don't get why your OH cant manage with one and no job to get ready for?

Random grin???

I don't understand.

Even if he spoonfeeds her, he can do so with the right hand and hold his toast with his left hand and eat with his mouth . What is the problem?
When he prepares histoast (2 min) he can play some nursery songs and give her a bath book too.

Unless if by 'breakfast' he means a full English and The Times.

becknotts My 15mth old wakes at 5/6am , I breastfeed dress and change her. Make tea and toast with her toddling round (emptying cupboard) eat toast (she has a bit). My OH sleeps til 630, showers etc. While I make toast for my OH he has a little play with our DD, he eats toast in the car leaving at 645. (his preference so he can lie in). I feed her breakfast Wheatabix, (actually all meals) do all nappy changes, go swimming, playgroup , park at least once a day , toddler singing. Do all the shopping. All the cooking. All the cleaning and washing. Without a car since OH takes it to work. My OH does bathtime. I put her to bed since she has a feed, she still wakes for a feed in the night. On a Sunday after her morning feed I get a lie-in . I am laughing hysterically at the thought of asking my OH to help with a nappy change or feeding her (maybe when she was a week old - but even post caesarean I would have thought it pathetic). My job ceased to exist and until I can get another one and afford childcare OH is supporting us, so feel I need to do my bit.

You're like some sort of supermum! I wouldn't want to compare what you are capable of with the ops dh or anyone for that matter, as you are obviously coping very well and have adjusted well to the job. Not everyone does. I didn't!

Plus ops toddler sounds difficult like my oldest, its a whole different world with a more demanding one. I had friends who just didn't get why i found it so hard, i explained that my child was more difficult than theirs but they just believed that they were soooo much better at the job . . . until they had their second!

Thanks for the breakfast ideas!

I am starting to think this is just a mental block thing. This morning I gave DD her breakfast and made my lunch at the same time because when I came down DH was alternating spoons of porridge and passing her bits of krispbread while she watched Abadas, and I thought well maybe I can just show him that this is multi-taskable.

I mean he was actually sitting holding a spoon full of porridge for minutes at a time while DD took her time chomping on the bread. As soon as I took over he disappeared to get dressed (for like 15 mins - seriously does it take that long?) by which point it was time to leave and he was still complaining he hadn't gotten any breakfast.

lol at full english. Nope DH's breakfast of choice is branflakes with milk and sliced banana. He does have a slight problem in that as soon as he gets a banana out DD nicks it...I have seen at least 3 cycles of that before any banana gets into his bowl.

Maybe he can do it but prefers your company? Breaks up the drudgery a bit for him? Plenty of jobs I can do alone but enjoy doing so much more if DH is helping or talking to me whilst I do it.

possibly - but going hungry because I have an early meeting seems to be taking that a bit far.

Have you just tried suggesting he eats his breakfast at the same time as feeding dd?

He can't keep his banana away from a toddler...?

Just sit down with dd. chop banana, give some to her, put some on his. Eat his.

He has to get real though. The days of a leisurely breakfast are over for now.

Perhaps he needs sanity time before the day begins.I did when i was a sahp with a difficult toddler.
The working parent gets up with toddler, does beakfast for themselves and toddler. sounds like you will manage that. Meanwhile the sahp has a calm shower. When dressed, he eats his breakfast while toddler watches tv. Working parent gets ready, possibly with help from toddler if latter not willing to watch tv. Sahp feels calmer about the day. This worked for us.

Is your Dh lonely? Does he have friends with children to meet up with each day? I used to get very miserable if i had no other adult company in a day.