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AIBU?

to think it must be possible to have breakfast and feed a 16 month old?

118 replies

ICBINEG · 17/10/2012 09:20

As the winter approaches my 16mo has been sleeping later. So far so good. But every morning for the last few weeks, I get up and get ready for work and am about to set off when DD poops and I get a plea from my OH to help change her nappy. DD then wants breakfast and my OH insists that it isn't possible for both of them to eat at the same time. So if I don't stay and help DD with her breakfast OH won't get fed till her afternoon nap time.

Previously it wasn't an issue for me to change and fed DD her breakfast but now it is making me late for work every day.

So AIBU to think that stay at home other halves can in fact change nappies and get themselves and a 16 mo breakfasted without needing assistance?

OP posts:

Report

ICBINEG · 17/10/2012 09:35

ohh I like the idea of miniweetabix!

OP posts:

ThatArtfulPussy · 17/10/2012 09:36

He can leave her to eat stuff she can feed herself - like the banana, presumably - whilst he has his. Or he can do "one spoon for you, one spoon for me" tactics. Or she can learn - just like second children have to from the moment they are born - that sometimes they are not the centre of the universe and it won't kill them to wait five minutes whilst Daddy finishes his breakfast. He may not get the leisurely breakfast he's hoping for, but he has time to EAT. (What does he do during the day when presumably he needs to use the toilet occasionally?).

Hullygully · 17/10/2012 09:36

ARE YOU INSANE?

You wave a cheery good bye and let them get on with it. Somehow, it will then be managed. Like magic.

TheEnglishWomanInTheAttic · 17/10/2012 09:36

He is making hard work of it OP, there are some SAHP of both genders who make the whole thing harder than it needs to be and expect sympathy for it - he is looking after one toddler, not sextuplets, possibly he is trying too hard and needs to relax a bit, or he is just not suited to it... Why on earth does he think she needs such close supervision he can only eat when she is asleep... How would he manage if you had another child too at some point before this one starts school?

Flisspaps · 17/10/2012 09:37

Why is he a SAHP? It doesn't sound like its something he wants to do - l

redskyatnight · 17/10/2012 09:37

Is DD a demanding child? I agree that it should be totally possible to eat one's own breakfast and feed a child at the same time, but sounds like DH find her hard work and is maybe overwhelmed. I remember when DS was this sort of age, it seemed so impossible to manage anything else other than watch him all the time and had many frustrated conversations with my DH to this effect. Sounds like DH may set a huge store by eating his breakfast in peace before being left with DD all day - which I do empathise with.

Could you make her a slice of toast/other finger food that she can sit and eat on her own while DH has his breakfast? Though I guess this only works if she's the sort of child that will sit and eat it and not chuck it on the floor repeatedly.

Catsdontcare · 17/10/2012 09:37

I'm a sahm and have yet to go hungry

jellycat · 17/10/2012 09:37

Can't he prepare his own breakfast at the same time as hers? Then sit with her and help if necessary, whilst also eating his own breakfast? as to why this is an issue!

aldiwhore · 17/10/2012 09:38

When I was a SAHP part of the remit was to give my OH space enough to get ready for work. If my baby needed changing or feeding, then MY breakfast would have to wait (if I couldn't do both together).

ICBINEG · 17/10/2012 09:39

artful you know I am pretty sure he either doesn't go (easy if you don't eat or drink all day) or straps her in the old car seat.

When I have been looking after her at weekends etc, I just go and she hangs around pointing and signing 'mummy poo' at me and laughing....it seems to work fine?

OP posts:

ShowOfBloodyStumps · 17/10/2012 09:39

This morning dh not only got up and made porridge, fed himself and 13mo ds, he also fed 5yo dd, got her ready for school, made me breakfast in bed, did the washing up and finished the grouting in the bathroom. He was out the door at 8.30am with both dc and has returned and started hoovering. Now he works fulltime and is usually gone by 5am on a aweekday (on annual leave this week) so hasn't even got time to practise these skills.

Your dh is only doing this because you're letting him get away with it. Simply hand him a nappy and some wipes and walk away. Why on earth can he only eat when your dc is asleep?

ICBINEG · 17/10/2012 09:40

hully yes we both know I am insane....

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TheEnglishWomanInTheAttic · 17/10/2012 09:40

He doesn't clean the weetabix - does he get any survival level housework done during the day? Washing up/ dishwasher/ laundry? Does he go out and about to groups with DD? Does he enjoy being the SAHP or is he trying to tell you he doesn't want to stay home any more?

lubeybooby · 17/10/2012 09:40

I think your DH is taking the piss. You've got to get to work!

Ignore them and get out of the door.

It's very unfair of him to trouble you with parenting stuff just when you are trying to leave. he's obviously capable so let him get on with it.

pictish · 17/10/2012 09:42

God just say no and leave him to it. At best he's being pathetic, at worst controlling.
Fuck that.

ICBINEG · 17/10/2012 09:43

DD really is very demanding. She is just developing the art of the tantrum complete with headbanging, back arching and screaming....

Pretty much as soon as she could sign a bit she has been massively angry at the slightest delay in getting what she has asked for.

DH is the sahp because I had a job pre-DD and he didn't. I went back to work as I had to and he hasn't even been looking for jobs.

I think he would mostly say he does like it. I think the power balance between him and DD needs redrawing though.

She will definitely take a 'no we have to do this first' from me far better than from him.

OP posts:

Youaresoright · 17/10/2012 09:44

First up: nappies. I get sooo fed up of changing pooey nappies all day that if DH is at home when I smell the smell I would normally try and get him to do it if I could get away with it....(and it sounds like your OH is getting away with it!)

Breakfast - your DD will be able to use a spoon soon (so that might be half your problem gone) - DS1 could at 17/18 months, and poor neglected DS2 has been able to use one for months seeing as he has just been left to it(he is 16m too). Surely your OH can give your DD some finger food while he has some breakfast (eg the banana, some shreddies without milk, or toast) then give proper breakfast after.

Lunch - If I was at home with just one child then I would also wait to eat lunch when they are asleep (much more relaxing). On a bad day I would just grab junk and feel sorry for myself and make sure DH feels sorry for me too (is this sounding familiar?).

TheEnglishWomanInTheAttic · 17/10/2012 09:44

Hmmm I am currently MNing while my very active 17 month old dances to a Heads Shoulders Knees and Toes CD with a plastic knight's helmet on his head... oh now its a cowboy hat... agree it can be hard to get much done, if I walk away from him he stops playing and follows me, whining to be carried and tried to climb me if I don't pick him up - but it is perfectly easy to eat (also eyes ample waist :( ) and he comes with me to the toilet, in fact when I tell him that's where I am going he runs ahead, opens the door, points at it, tells me "Dit down dar" and climbs on the step stool and tries to roll his sleeves up as he likes to wash his hands :o

fuckadoodlepoopoo · 17/10/2012 09:45

Being late for work everyday is not on. He needs to feed himself and the baby foods which they can both eat easily. So bananas, toast, dry cereal (mine used to like cheerios and it was good practice for the fine motor skills). He can eat toast and bananas one handed if necessary.

Your baby doesn't sound like a particularly easy one so i sympathise with that but he needs to find ways around it to make it work for everyone.

ICBINEG · 17/10/2012 09:45

English nope. I think I do almost all the cleaning up when I get home. They do go out to at least 3 activities a week.

It is entirely possible that this is all about who gets the car. If I am late I can't park and so DH drops me off and has the car for the day. If I am on time then I get the car (except on days they have activities out of town).

OP posts:

Catsdontcare · 17/10/2012 09:45

The ONLY time I have ever asked dh to be late for work was when ds did an explosive poo in his cot and it had traveled up his back and out the top of his babygrow. Poo was everywhere, in his hair it was unbelievable!

Catsdontcare · 17/10/2012 09:48

Ah that's interesting about the car. Tbh I would hate to be at home all day without a car.

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PedanticPanda · 17/10/2012 09:49

ofcourse it's possible.

Iggly · 17/10/2012 09:49

YANBU

Ds was eating meals with us at that age.

TheEnglishWomanInTheAttic · 17/10/2012 09:49

Ah so there might be an agenda after all! Couldn't he drop you off (on time) every day (with DD in PJs) and then he can have the car and you won't be late. For that to work you just have to agree a set in stone get up and leave the house time. An option?

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