to think it must be possible to have breakfast and feed a 16 month old?

[ICBINEG]

As the winter approaches my 16mo has been sleeping later. So far so good. But every morning for the last few weeks, I get up and get ready for work and am about to set off when DD poops and I get a plea from my OH to help change her nappy. DD then wants breakfast and my OH insists that it isn't possible for both of them to eat at the same time. So if I don't stay and help DD with her breakfast OH won't get fed till her afternoon nap time.

Previously it wasn't an issue for me to change and fed DD her breakfast but now it is making me late for work every day.

So AIBU to think that stay at home other halves can in fact change nappies and get themselves and a 16 mo breakfasted without needing assistance?

cats Yes when DD had gastroenteritis I stayed off work. We were all sick with it and it clearly needed all hands on deck!

Right well thanks for the sanity check guys!

We will have words this evening about what the real problem is and if it really is just the eating thing then we will try some of your very sensible solutions!

If your dh needs the car with dd why doesn't he just drop you off every day? You'll be at work anyway so I assume you won't need it? Or have certain days when each other has the car and he can just deal with it like any other parent without a car.

Reading more.

Just eat with baby when she does. Then rest when she naps.

Can you rejig the routine so DH drops you off and gets the car too?

It sounds like he's a bit miserable. It's bloody tough at that age - I remember it well.

english yup that could work. We need to get our shit together! There is no way two reasonably intelligent adults should be struggling this much with one NT toddler!

Oh that just made me even more annoyed to think it's about the car.

Pathetic of him.

Can't he just say outright that he wants it in the day, and arrange with you to drop off/pick up?

I think he needs a bit of help getting a grip with adulthood.

Yes have a talk and consider some alternative car arangements

My 16 month old doesn't have a high chair.

At breakfast time I normally give him a brioche or crossiant to eat whilst I eat mine, although he does like to share mine with me, then I do his porridge. He can't manage a spoon yet so finger foods work best when he has to feed himself.

Depends on the stage the 16mo is at to an extent, my 16mo was a spoon-flicking, bowl tipping mess-machine, found it hilarious and I had to hover like a hawk or just accept it was going to take forever to chisel off dried-on Weetabix off everything in sight. However - you can either eat something like biscuits for breakfast, or shove a piece of toast in the toaster and nibble it whilst you do other things. It may be impossible to have a nice sat-down breakfast, but it's not impossible to feed yourself something whilst looking after the child, you just choose stuff you can grab and go.

You said it ICBINEG - for a couple of weeks DH had no car and I used to get all 3 of mine (then 5, 3 and small baby) in the car at 6.15am to drop him at the station (he works 1.5 hours drive from home so didn't drive him all the way) I'm mainly a SAHM (just work a couple of eves) and I'd rather drop off and pick up than be car-less (although we live very rurally and I really am quite stuck without a car, especially in winter when its not ideal to stick a baby/ toddler in a bike trailer for the 40 mins each way it takes my unfit self to cycle the 5 year old to Kindergarten and to the nearest shop)

Get a father's help. hes being a twonk.

pictish God just say no and leave him to it. At best he's being pathetic, at worst controlling. Fuck that.

For fuck sake! According to some on mn every man in the world no matter what he does, how he does it etc is "controlling". [yawn]

If this was a woman the responses would be much more sympathetic (as bloody usual) and along the lines of "oh it is hard, she needs to get into a routine, maybe she's not coping too well, does she have support, is she depressed etc etc"

Because its a man then he's controlling, lazy and pathetic. Any second now he'll be called a cocklodger.

I do think the car issue needs to be resolved. It's a bit daft to have the car sitting on your work's car park all day.

If he's going to give you a lift to work each morning, you both need to get up earlier, help each other and make sure you're not late. If you're both ready early, then a bad nappy won't make you late. Eat breakfast earlier too, and again, help each other!

Neither of you is wrong, it's simply a problem with your morning routine. Sounds very stressful!

The breakfast thing is slightly trickier as DD doesn't cope well with spoons and cereal yet.

Sorry, haven't read the whole thread, but if she can't manage cereal why not give her toast? Or fruit? Or a kind of cereal that comes in little nuggets that she can pick up like Cheerios, Shreddies, Mini-wheats with fruit inside, etc?

My DS2 is 17 months and he can manage all the above, plus scrambled egg, which he can eat with his hands as long as it's cool.

Once it gets to the time you HAVE to leave, then just use calm, firm voice (you know that one you use with DD when saying no to something) say 'sorry I've got to go' and LEAVE.

This is bonkers, what is it he is trying to eat and can't, is he cooking a full english?, or are we talking a bowl of cereal.

This sounds like an all day problem, the strapping in car seat to go to the toilet etc., tell him she will be fine with a bit finger food to mess with or a few toys.

Finger food is his friend, toast, banana or other fruits, dry cherrios, dry shreddies, one of mine even eats dry weetabix like a biscuit, he insists he prefers it without milk but I would give her a spoon and let her have a go at feeding herself as well, when younger if I couldn't face too much mess I used to put milk on their cereal then pour it straight off so it wasn't completly dry but not too messy.

fuckadoodlepoopoo I agree this word 'controlling' whenever a bloke argues or has a moment of unreasonableness is becoming tiresome. We all have moments of being unreasonable, that doesn't make us all bullies.

DD really is very demanding. She is just developing the art of the tantrum complete with headbanging, back arching and screaming.... Pretty much as soon as she could sign a bit she has been massively angry at the slightest delay in getting what she has asked for.

My oldest was like that. It was so exhausting and draining.

You say she would take it better from you to wait more than from your dh . . . I think that's pretty common for the child to test and push the one who is with them the most.

Plus, wake her up if she's not waking at a convenient time. What time does she go to bed? My LO goes to bed between 7 and 7.15pm and he's raring to go after 11-ish hours of sleep. She'll adjust. You're the parent, so organise things to suit you, within reason of course.

fuckadoodlepoopoo lots of us are suggesting the OP lets him have the car - sounds like this is a solution. Man or woman, it is possible for one adult to change a 16 month old's nappy and give them breakfast without another adult helping... Seems this may not actually be the real issue, and the Dad is actually dodging a conversation about wanting to have use of the car in the day. This is not a gender issue IMO - the women on here who stay home also mainly say they'd prefer use of the car, but are perfectly capable of feeding and nappy changing a toddler solo!

fuckadoodle YY Don't worry I am ignoring all comments that would never be made about a woman in a million years....

Aldi. Indeed.

the car thing is complicated by the fact the traffic is SHIT around here. It is much much faster and easier for me to drive my self home avoiding rush hour than for DH to come out and fetch me (when he is bound to either drive out or back in the mad traffic).

but we can't possibly need TWO cars can we?

Op.

Can't say my answer would have been any different if the SAHP was a woman, surely it's the same issue

OP must get to work on time, that is essential and DP (whatever gender) must fit around that.

Have conversation about car, if that's what this is really about, then that is easily fixed isn't it.

I agree it sounds very stressful all round.

OP, you do all the cleaning, you do the first pooey nappy of the day and breakfast, then (from reading the thread) when you get home you cook dinner? Your OH is living the dream, even with a demanding 16mo. Does he know what being a SAHP is supposed to involve?

Ok, step by step ....

Toddler wakes, dad gets up and fetches toddler into parents bed.
He gets dressed while talking to her.
He then changes her nappy and takes her downstairs into the high chair.
He sticks some toast in the toaster, flips the kettle on and then chops a banana.
Toddler eats/flings/squishes banana while dad butters toast, makes coffee and weetabix.
Dad sits down at table and eats toast and coffee while spoon feeding weetabix into toddler.
When both have eaten, turn CBeebies on for ten mins while toddler stays in high chair and Dad clears up (including squashed banana and weetabix from walls/floor).
Take toddler back up stairs and dress them (weetabix and banana then stay on baby grow and go in the wash).

It's not rocket science and you'd be a mug to make yourself late to work to help him. He needs to sort this out or switch roles with you.