to think it must be possible to have breakfast and feed a 16 month old?

[ICBINEG]

As the winter approaches my 16mo has been sleeping later. So far so good. But every morning for the last few weeks, I get up and get ready for work and am about to set off when DD poops and I get a plea from my OH to help change her nappy. DD then wants breakfast and my OH insists that it isn't possible for both of them to eat at the same time. So if I don't stay and help DD with her breakfast OH won't get fed till her afternoon nap time.

Previously it wasn't an issue for me to change and fed DD her breakfast but now it is making me late for work every day.

So AIBU to think that stay at home other halves can in fact change nappies and get themselves and a 16 mo breakfasted without needing assistance?

[OxfordBags]

BTW, meant to add that if he really isn't eating during the day because of 'having to' feed her, then why doesn't he eat when she naps? Or munch on the go when she's in the pushchair?! He's either lying or really not eating to be a self-pitying martyr, which is pathetic (for men or women). Neither option a good example to your DD or being a mature participant in a relationship.

My friend has 2 sets of twins and all but one of them have severe ASD and ADHD and she eats in the day...

[OxfordBags]

OP, I have a question so simple that you MUST ask him - how does he manage to eat his lunch (and dinner, if they eat that together too) and feed her lunch too at the same time when you're not there? Surely he must be doing that in the day, so how can he bullshit that he can't manage it in the morning? Seriously, ask him how he manages to change her nappies and eat at the same time as her during the day when they are alone but miraculously loses the ability to do so whilst you are at home...

My 18 month old Ds can use a spoon but doesn't want to, so I let him eat his cereal with his hands. Messy, but I eat my brekkie, he eats his, everyone's happy. Experts on children eating all say that allowing them to get messy and dig in is the best way to prevent fussiness later on, so I don't worry. He also eats finger foods - berries, little chunks of cheese and rice cakes being some of his faves.

Is he secretly being a bit petulant about wanting his breakfast to be super-relaxing and 'all to himself'? Because you have to get over stuff like that sharpish, when you're a SAHP. Saying that, my DS breakfast whilst I enjoy a couple of crumpets or a bowl of muesli, occasionally giving him a bit, whilst we watch a little bit of CBeebies. It is pretty relaxing, actually. You have to adjust your filters when you're a SAHP and find new ways of making things like meals pleasurable for yourself whilst you eat with your child.

[Laquitar]

I was eating all day when i had 3 under 5 at home . I was eating lunch and i was snacking all day too and had toast in the afternoon and i was eating chocolate in a secret way and crisps.

He is telling you he is starving when you come home?.

I think you shouldn't do the cleaning and cooking ICBINEG.

You can offer him the option to swap if he thinks he has such hard time.

Or take him to a busy London street at lunch time. Yes, thousants of people manage to hold and eat a s/w, pie, etc while on laptop or phone, while running to catch a bus, while running after dcs or else.

And i bet that your dd is just a lovely 16m. It suits him to labell her 'demanding'.

[CookingFunt]

Maybe I'm missing something but how can your dh not be able to eat during the day? Even with fussy twins I managed to never miss a meal.
And I had no car at the time.
He is BVU. I know the monotonous drudgery is mind numbing but there's no reason to get all princess about it.

[halcyondays]

Unless you live miles from anywhere (not sure if it's been mentioned)then why would he be stuck at home because he didn't have a car? He could walk as I and many other non-driving parents do?

Dd1 used to sleep quite late in the morning, but that's because she wouldn't sleep till very late in the evening and woke several times a night. So for a while I used to sleep in, in the mornings. I had PND and was shattered. But it meant I couldn't have a peaceful breakfast or shower in the mornings,you can't have itbothways. That's the reality of having young children, if you want sometime to yourself in the morning you need to get up before they do. After a while we started to get up earlier so we had time to get ready and walk to groups, which were all in the morning.

[frazzled09]

Agree with TheEnglishWomaninTheAttic: if the toddler is getting up later as winter draws in, there's an opportunity here for both parents get up first and have a breakfast together in peace. Then giving the toddler breakfast will be no big deal later if he really can't get himself sorted to do his breakfast and hers at once.

My breakfast solution suited us when DS was getting us up at 4.30/5 every day after multiple night wakings and I was fast losing my marbles . We therefore had time for the working parent to do breakfast. This went on for a couple of years, so I did really appreciate the calm start to the morning (as DH, the working parent, got to have a calm lunchtime at work and dinner after DS was in bed as his respite).

If your DP is miserable at home then that is the problem to fix instead - would he prefer to be working and the toddler to go to nursery/childminder for some parts of the week? I think you said he wasn't working before the baby was born and hasn't looked since, so I suppose I might be barking up the wrong tree.

[RillaBlythe]

Really? I have just fed my 13m old porridge, left her to eat somew pear while I ate my crossiant. & I have a 4 year old too.

[glenthebattleostrich]

I take your point Frazzled and no I don't find my mornings easy by any stretch of the imagination. But I know that if I don't eat breakfast I'll be very grumpy with the children and that is not good for any of us. And I really don't believe that an adult can't eat a slice of toast whilst feeding a toddler her breakfast! I do apologise for my spelling, despite a B at A level in English, it is not one of my many many talents

English, you make an excellent point. I would never expect DH to hang around in case on of the kids needs a bum change (as nice as that would be)

OP, it sounds like your OH is playing the martyr and the car thing, I live in a semi-rural village with 1 bus per hour or a 25 minute walk to our nearest village (or 45 at toddler pace). We get out every day, we see people most days, even if it is just people walking their dogs we chat to for a minute. Being at home is hard, the lack of adult interaction can send you slightly mad but it?s up to the person at home to make the best of it.

[TheEnglishWomanInTheAttic]

This has just hit me too:

ICBINEG says "The problem is that the working parent (me) wants to be out of the house before the sahp gets up with the toddler"

Stay at home Parent in this case is getting a lie in !!! Every work day! This isn't even a toddler who is up between 5 and 6am, as so many are - this is one of those mythical toddlers who likes to sleep! If the Dad wants his breakfast/ shower etc. in peace he can get up when the OP gets up, whilst toddler snoozes on in her cot
Oh my goodness how has it not hit anyone before this is such a total non issue, how on earth is he expecting to sleep in past the time the OP usually leaves for work and have her stay at home and be late for work waiting for him and DD to wake up so she can help him change her nappy and feed her

I was sympathetic due to being stuck at home without a car, though felt the claim to not be able to change a nappy and feed a toddler was a play for sympathy and very unlikely, but as a sahp to 3 children, one of whom wakes through the night and gets up at 5am, I am tempted to join the chorus of people bandying around the word "pathetic" - and would feel that way equally which ever gender the parent sleeping in while their partner leaves for work and then moaning about not getting to eat breakfast child free was!!!

[TheEnglishWomanInTheAttic]

Sorry slightly garbled, teething toddler half asleep on me keeps patting my face, quite distracting.

[TheEnglishWomanInTheAttic]

I must say I'm with becknotts sounds normal to me and roughly what most sahp do - though if anyone would like to con my dh into believing persuade my dh to get up with our toddler at 5am and give all 3 kids breakfast before he leaves for work at 6.15am, allowing me to shower without the youngest trying to open the screen the whole time and the middle one interrupting with questions about the location of his favourite socks you'd be very welcome! Sometimes it can be a struggle but if somebody is 100% a sahp they do roughly what becknotts describes surely, if neither parent is suited/ can cope/ wants to take the lions share of the child care on, then both work and share home/ child duties 50-50 and child goes to childminders/ nursery??? If I worked full time and dh stayed home I'd resent being expected to do breakfast every day so he could lie in or get dressed for a day at home/ toddler activities in peace while he gets dressed for the office whilst looking after small children...

[ICBINEG]

tbh the most compelling evidence that AINBU is that I could easily do these things (and do at the weekend) even though DH is main carer and I have far less practice, skill, patience, and mutual trust built with DD.

Right well I shall suggest some of the great ideas on here and see what happens...

[sandyballs]

Blimey I'm stunned at this. Either he is depressed or taking the piss.

I went back to work when my twin girls were 10 months old and DH always managed to feed himself and get dressed when he was looking after them.

[fuckadoodlepoopoo]

I think its only ridiculous to you glen because you do it easily. Just like anything, if a person finds something easy they often don't understand why another doesn't. I usually find that attitude annoying because everyone has strengths and weaknesses in different areas, some can be learnt of course. That's why i feel the need to point out that i find it easy to spell the word ridiculous whereas you do not . I've never pointed out spelling or grammatical error on here before because i always think those doing that are a bit pathetic. So Im just doing it to make a point relevant to the thread you see!

[glenthebattleostrich]

Sorry but any parent (male or female) who can't manage breakfast whilst feeding a 16 month old is rediculous.

I manage to feed 2 x 2 year olds and a 15 month old most mornings (childminder, only one of the 2 year olds belongs to me) whilst eating breakfast myself and usually loading up the dishwasher or shoving a load of washing on and telling the children the plans for the day.

Toast is your friend - either give it to the toddler or yourself whilst doing 5 jobs at once!!

And he is a SAHP, his job is to do the nappy and breakfast if you are on your way out to work.

[ICBINEG]

Well if I may refer back to the OP

The problem is that the working parent (me) wants to be out of the house before the sahp gets up with the toddler. So me giving DD breakfast isn't usually a realistic option. It was this morning because I had a course that didn't start till 9:30.

[Iggly]

Yes agree with frazzled!

[fuckadoodlepoopoo]

You might be right there frazzled. That would have really helped me.

[frazzled09]

Perhaps he needs sanity time before the day begins.I did when i was a sahp with a difficult toddler.
The working parent gets up with toddler, does beakfast for themselves and toddler. sounds like you will manage that. Meanwhile the sahp has a calm shower. When dressed, he eats his breakfast while toddler watches tv. Working parent gets ready, possibly with help from toddler if latter not willing to watch tv. Sahp feels calmer about the day. This worked for us.

Is your Dh lonely? Does he have friends with children to meet up with each day? I used to get very miserable if i had no other adult company in a day.

[Iggly]

He can't keep his banana away from a toddler...?

Just sit down with dd. chop banana, give some to her, put some on his. Eat his.

He has to get real though. The days of a leisurely breakfast are over for now.

[fuckadoodlepoopoo]

Have you just tried suggesting he eats his breakfast at the same time as feeding dd?

[ICBINEG]

possibly - but going hungry because I have an early meeting seems to be taking that a bit far.

[OrangeLily]

Maybe he can do it but prefers your company? Breaks up the drudgery a bit for him? Plenty of jobs I can do alone but enjoy doing so much more if DH is helping or talking to me whilst I do it.

[ICBINEG]

lol at full english. Nope DH's breakfast of choice is branflakes with milk and sliced banana. He does have a slight problem in that as soon as he gets a banana out DD nicks it...I have seen at least 3 cycles of that before any banana gets into his bowl.

[ICBINEG]

Thanks for the breakfast ideas!

I am starting to think this is just a mental block thing. This morning I gave DD her breakfast and made my lunch at the same time because when I came down DH was alternating spoons of porridge and passing her bits of krispbread while she watched Abadas, and I thought well maybe I can just show him that this is multi-taskable.

I mean he was actually sitting holding a spoon full of porridge for minutes at a time while DD took her time chomping on the bread. As soon as I took over he disappeared to get dressed (for like 15 mins - seriously does it take that long?) by which point it was time to leave and he was still complaining he hadn't gotten any breakfast.