To worry that this *Could* destroy us before we really get started together? (Long)

[Redline]

Hi Not sure how to put this as I'm a man & not used to but getting lots of practice of late via MN lol writing about my thoughts & emotions? But will give it a go so bear with me if I'm over-descriptive somewhat in what follows; I'm someone who is normally very unlucky in love & recently got out of the lower depths of Hell a Very bad relationship with a woman who was about as close to the personification of pure evil as can be imagined in one person - Unfortunately? I have a DS with this Creature of the night nasty woman so still have to talk to her & interact with her to bring him up as best we can?

Anyway I recently (This Feb') met another lady (on POF of All places) who is kind, erudite, caring, sensitive, pretty, lovely to talk to (& very nice to look at to ) & who is basically the antithesis of my ex-fiancee (yes I know what was I thinking being engaged to her ) Most importantly (for my battered heart & hers to as she's been through the mill somewhat also)? This lady likes me very much & Indeed sought me out on POF much to my undying shock at so gorgeous a creation thinking even slightly nice thoughts of me & we began (via FB & online & phone before a couple of eventual meetings that went well) what can only be described as an emotional affair with her & she eventually (after a rather rocky period where I made one very bad mistake & really upset her) told me she'd been falling in love with me.

Anyway? To cut a long story slightly shorter? This angel from above stunning lady whose singlehandedly restoring my faith in womankind? Is 36 to my 34 (as of this year) & so (surprisingly)? Is the first woman I've ever been involved with whose Older than me? Further? We both have one child (me a DS aged 3, she a DD aged 17) are both possessed of similarly sarcastic & very quick senses of humour, finish each others thoughts & sentences on the phone, just click some of the time & feel so right together thus far; I think we might have a long term future if our 'babysteps' towards a poss' relationship (her words & both our idea) come off in short?

Anyway this woman I've found myself falling for come to care a lot for? Is also as of this year around March/April time in a new job after previously being employed as a teacher for around 10 years until this year; I'm not sure but judging by some of the tones & words I've heard from her? (things like "don't feel sorry for me, it's my job, my choice, I'll get used to it, I think") I'm beginning to think that she maybe regrets moving into this job which as far as I know? Is that of a Family Support worker which brings me to the problems.

I am currently involved in a Vicious custody battle over my DS with the Bride of Dracula my ahem not nice ex' and have had all manner of untrue allegations & lies hurled at me both verbally & (eventually) in print in the form of both allegations in court applications & via solicitors letters from her (string of different) briefs; I have replied in kind a little but other than that? have no legal involvement in my life of any sort bar one visit from the police a year ago when we broke up & she lied & Tried to fit me up on a particular charge (which collapsed 2 weeks later & she later admitted lying about & apologised for). Anyway? My new (soon to be fingers crossed) Lady has got very upset re' her job context when I've spoken about what's gone on re' me & ex' & our son along the lines of "how can you put me in this position hearing all this - do you know what I deal with like that every day at work?" but then just to throw another spanner in the works?

She's recently told me when we begin our relationship proper (as opposed to our Current Emotional Affair/Long distance relationship? If 18 miles is long distance - feels like so much more) that I (due to her Job) will have to have extended CRB checks carried out not just on me but my entire family & even house If she were to be staying there regularly with me (even though only me & fortnightly my DS live there right now) further? That as long as any allegations are being maintained against me in Court? She can't deepen our relationship due to this as "I can't be with someone whose had allegations made against them";

Further? I've got a bit of a problem re' PK's due to an operation 7 years ago that almost killed me & left me basically dependent on them & she's told me "I can't be with someone whose dependent on PK's". She's suggested waiting until the case re' My DS is finished & then meeting up & seeing where we go as she's Admitted? Feeling really strongly for me despite all the recent proviso's & prepartory to this & me undergoing the CRB? She's recently started asking me How DS' case is going in certain aspects which I've been frank & open with her about but then? She's telling me later I tell her to much & put her in "impossible positions" again & all the while? I see my ex' parading man after man into & out of her & our Son's life whilst (partly) thanks to her & her Fking allegations? I can't even move on Slightly with a woman I've fallen for in a mahoosive big, big way;

Anyway my question is 4fold I guess? AIBU to Hate my ex' for doing the damage she is doing to me & this possible DP of mine by maintaining allegations that have no basis in reality just out of clear malice, spite & venom (which she's had aplenty for me for a while now; Funny how those we love can hate us so much & vice versa when it all goes wrong ); Secondly AIBU to be not a little confused by (possible) new DP's differing reactions to me re' my DS case despite it's (possible) importance to us in the future or is she as confused about all this as I am? And lastly? AIBU to think she should be as honest with me as I've tried to be with her (she knew all about my problems when we got involved? I made no secret of them on POF and it was never an issue until her new job came about)? She's recently made noises & taken actions that make me think she's getting impatient for the case to end & us to get on & see how we are together or not? But I'm prepared to wait for her & I think we're a good match (she's Taurus & I'm Cancer & the starsigns match if nothing else LoL - Yes a man who believes in those - shocking I know ).

Anyway basically? I've had one hell (with that being the operative word BTW) of a Bad time in my life with romance & this woman even at my age? Is someone who I just get the sense Might be the one & for the first time in my life? I think we Could have something together fingers crossed - I'm sometimes to honest & humble for my own good & sense that may have worked against me here but she did ask me not to lie & hide stuff from her by omission so I took her at her word & did my best to do just as she asked;

Anyhow 4th (& final) question? AIBU to put all I've got into trying to make this work & move on from my battered, ruined husk of a past lovelife to something happier at long, long last? Or am I just wasting my (& her=New DP's) time & it will all end yet again re' me in heartbreak & hurt all around? I'm so worried now that yet another relationship in RL I'm involved in will get shot down before it can even take off. I've let the drawbridge & barriers to my heart down one last time but don't know if? Babarians are going to storm & sack it yet again or I'll finally get the love story & fairytale ending I so have wanted for a long, long time now;

I'm so confused so if anyone can help/advise? I'll appreciate it (& them) lots. I guess in the final analysis? I think really like this Lady (& Know she does me) &? I Really want it to work with her so I'm not in the wrong to not want us destroyed as a couple before we even get started am I? Actually in fact? Scrap what I just said - I don't like her - I'm in love with her - there I've admitted it. It's not wrong of me to want to save & build on that is it? I'm so confused & worried for our future together if that is future there will even be? Right now I just don't know & that really worries me as I've let down all my defences for her & don't want to be hurt again.

Yes I admit it LoL I'm a romantic at heart as you prob' knew from the first paragraph all guessed by now but? Even we have our limits & I? Feel I'm at mine now - One more nasty shock disastrous Relationship of the sort my hearts had all to often in life? Well If that happens? yet again? Then Let's just say I fear it Will finish me with women forever & if only for this lady & what I feel for her as well as my hopes of going on to raise my DS with a lady I love who loves me by my side & just being Happy with her? Well let's just say I really don't want that to happen so for me? I guess now? Is all or nothing time. Here goes nothing..........

Sorry for the length - fire away & again? I will really appreciate any (& all) help & advice so I'm not diving blind as it were (re' the "here goes" bit).

Anyway thanks for taking time to read this & take Care all.

Redline.

Good luck with your plans for the way forward, Redline.

This thread has been a display of vile bullying. If you don't like the way that a poster writes then step away from the thread. I'm the one who reported the thread to MNHQ, not Redline.

The "no filter between what you think and what you say/write" is actually a fairly common feature with Aspergers/Autism. I know of a couple of adults IRL who write/speak in the same manner as Redline. Both have Aspergers. I'd like to think that they don't have people coming up to them and telling them they're "mental" or "barking", but after this thread I'm not so sure.

I hope you feel able to come back at some point, Redline. As has already been said, it's probably safer to post in Relationships.

I think it's hilarious that posters that defend OP feel that they can diagnose him with various conditions!

Look some people have been nasty. Others have been frustrated because no matter how many times he was asked, he wouldn't stop typing that way! I don't believe anyone in the history of the world has picked up that writing style at uni or anywhere else!

Put it this way: if a friend phoned you needing help and they were rambling and incoherent you wouldn't just guess what the general idea of the problem was would you? You'd ask tell them to slow down and explain themselves properly!

Tbf I do think that's what a lot of the negative posts were about!

I agree with copper and noone is being forced to read the posts

I haven't diagnosed Redline with anything.

" if a friend phoned you needing help and they were rambling and incoherent you wouldn't just guess what the general idea of the problem was would you? You'd ask tell them to slow down and explain themselves properly!"

Presumably you wouldn't tell them repeatedly that they were "mental", "barking", made you feel sick, and some of the other 'lovely' comments on here that have now been deleted?

And as I mentioned further down the thread, if the OP has been writing like this for years, it's unreasonable to expect him to change in the course of a single thread.

I asked if English was his first language because no one speaks like that in real life, particularly him calling posters Miss. Who does that any more?
I've skimmed through the threads because they're totally unreadable.
He is extremely irritating and I still don't know what his question is.

The "no filter between what you think and what you say/write" is actually a fairly common feature with Aspergers/Autism. I know of a couple of adults IRL who write/speak in the same manner as Redline. Both have Aspergers. I'd like to think that they don't have people coming up to them and telling them they're "mental" or "barking", but after this thread I'm not so sure.

Not a diagnosis, no. But a fairly big leap to assume that people would mistreat those with diagnosed conditions because they're irritated by posts on a forum!

SOME people called him names. But a LOT of people were genuinely pissed off with an unnecessarily verbose posting style!

"But a LOT of people were genuinely pissed off with an unnecessarily verbose posting style!"

In which case why not leave the thread? Or, if you feel so strongly about someone else's use of question marks, say so and then leave the thread. Why keep coming back again and again to insult the OP, as several posters on this thread did?

"Not a diagnosis, no. But a fairly big leap to assume that people would mistreat those with diagnosed conditions because they're irritated by posts on a forum!"

But how would you know that the person had a diagnosed condition unless they came out and told you? Typing "You're mental" or "You're barking!" or "You're a howling froot loop!" is no better than saying it to their face.

The OP acknowledged early yesterday morning that he needs to get help and counselling to address his issues. Yet a full day later there were still posters coming on to the thread just to ridicule his style of writing and to call him names. If that's not bullying, I don't know what is.

The thing is, posters asked him repeatedly to cut out all the crap so they could help him.

You think they shouldn't post on the thread but those are the hits you take when posting on an internet forum!

I actually think he was really rude and inconsiderate. Ok, not to the name callers but the posters who weren't calling name names, who told him they couldn't get through his posts, he just completely ignored.

He didn't try to change his style at all.

Now, he doesn't have to. But one could say that as much as people don't have to read his posts, he doesn't have to read theirs either!

And I've still no idea what the actual problem is.
What exactly is he asking?
It just seemed to be a tirade against his ex.

I don't know Lady it's something to do with the Angel's job I think.

Coppertop- I didn't say he made me feel sick. I said his writing style did as it reminded me of the man who stalked me and it's true. I was stalked for two years by someone who wrote me long, rambling letters like this and yes, it brings up feelings of fear, anxiety and makes me want to vomit.

I did not say he makes me feel sick as I don't know the man.

"The thing is, posters asked him repeatedly to cut out all the crap so they could help him... He didn't try to change his style at all".

So, waltermitty, are you suggesting that it's reasonable to tell people with Tourette's to stop their bloody swearing? Or to tell people with OCD to relax and stop fussing about a bit of mess, cos they're just neurotic? Or to tell depressed people just to pull their socks up, the miserable gits?

What about telling that wheelchair user just to get up and walk, the stupid loser?

No, it's not. It's rude and insensitive. And if do it deliberately, it's bullying. And if you keep coming back to do it over and over again, it's quite possibly criminal harassment.

Don't be so ridiculous! FFS how can you possibly compare the OP's writing style to someone being in a wheelchair?!

OP himself said he started writing this way as a way of annoying someone in uni and it stuck.

But if you want to trivialise actual disabilities by comparing them to someone being annoying then go ahead.

I find it hard to believe op ever attended uni...

I believe the OP has genuine problems, so the people who are mocking him for this are offensive.
You believe he's simply annoying, so just stop reading.

You believe he has genuine problems. But you don't know it so I think the comparison to actual disabilities is out of order.

I don't.

The OP does have 'actual disabilities' including metal plates in his face, chronic long-term pain, a dependency to prescription painkillers and diagnosed long-term depression.

He also seems likely to have one or more other mental health problems - i.e. 'hidden disabilities'.

He has said he is lonely and miserable, that he 'dwells on the bad things that have happened', that he hates going out, that he is anxious, and that he suffers frequent abuse in real life.

Yet posters have called him all kinds of names, including 'mental', 'barking' and 'fruit loop'... :(

It is vile bullying of a vulnerable person.

He said all that flow?
Tbh I CBA reading his posts, after struggling through the first one I lost interest.
Good to hear that someone managed to have the patience to decipher the rest.
Maybe for the rest of us, you could give us a quick precis.
Though don't call me Miss.

I agree with flow4 the level of bullying on this post has been disgusting and I've just read in horror.

It's like playground behaviour.

flow I agree with you

I wish this thread had been deleted long ago

it has been horrible to watch

I am the first to give a dickhead bloke a dig on here, but really ?

this is a soft target folks...go have a go at the real fuckwits on here

make a start with the James Bond thread in FWR

there is a post been allowed to stand on that thread that needs decrying from the highest fucking heavens except we have radio silence and HQ refusing to delete

priorities, people, come on

If you still doubt that the OP is disabled, read this.

And if you still don't think the name-calling is harassment, read this.

I agree, but then I always wonder why the fuck people don't just ignore if they can't decipher a post.

Also why is it that unless a post contains short to the point paragraphs some people are unable to read them, and when they can't why do they feel it's ok to have a go at the op about it.

There is some horrible, bullying, sexist crap here.

If a woman had posted that they had suffered the same as OP has from a male ex (domestic violence, physical attacks, death threats) they wouldn't be told to just "get along" with her "for the sake of the kids". She's the childs mother etc.

I hate MN sometimes.