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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not understand the words "I'm not a feminist"?

414 replies

bushymcbush · 14/10/2012 22:51

I've seen this countless times on MN and I really don't get it.

Actually I've heard it quite a few times in RL too.

So, to those of you who are so keen to communicate your non-feminist standing, could you please explain to me which part of 'total equality between the sexes' you disagree with?

Alternatively, you could (gently) explain to me which part of that generic description of feminism I seem to have misunderstood?

OP posts:
McHappyPants2012 · 14/10/2012 22:54

I'm not a feminist. I don't agree with sexism, but i feel extreme feminist treat men very unfairly. I will not support that.

threesocksmorgan · 14/10/2012 22:56

yep been done countless times.
just a week or so ago
boring then
boring now

IvorHughJackolantern · 14/10/2012 22:57

I think this thread was here the other day. Though I did a search and couldn't find it. Bla and bla.

IvorHughJackolantern · 14/10/2012 22:58

Found it!

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/10/2012 22:58

If you look at the thread about all men being potential rapists, you can guess why some women want to distance themselves from that brand of feminism. However, I think it is a dreadful shame that feminism has got the reputation of being joyless and humourless. I actually think that painting feminism this way has really helped the societal shift towards pornification and sexualising everything. We need to redefine feminism. Let's try to get rid of the weird assumptions people make.

A friend of mine actually thought that because I was a feminist, I would be anti-SAHM and pro-BFing at the expense of her mental health. I informed her that no, I would support HER choices because that is the essence of feminism.

IvorHughJackolantern · 14/10/2012 22:59

Damn it Jolly! Ooooh look we have the same surname, we must be related!

JollyJackOLantern · 14/10/2012 23:01

Ivor, that genuinely made me lol :)

FreudiansGoldSlipper · 14/10/2012 23:02

I think many like to distance themselves from feminism for the fear of others thinking they are a dungaree wearing hairy legged dyke or hysterical bitter woman often how certain area of the press portray feminists

I am very proud to say I am a feminist and grateful for all those women who suffered and had to fight for change so I being a woman could have a better life

The fight still goes on

Cozy9 · 14/10/2012 23:04

I don't think feminists do themselves any favours as far as PR goes most of the time. Maybe it's just the extremists that bring attention to themselves.

JollyJackOLantern · 14/10/2012 23:05

This hasn't started well and probably won't end well.

EmBOOsa · 14/10/2012 23:05

Not self identifying as a Feminist does not necessarily equal not wanting equality for the sexes. It is entirely possible to want equality without applying that label to yourself.

Personally I prefer to say I'm an Equalist.

Which, before anyone says it, doesn't mean I think things are equal, it means I think they should be.

Anyway what does it matter which label we use? As long as we are working towards the same end goal? I'm not bothered if you don't want to call yourself a Equalist, why does it matter to you what I call myself?

fishface2 · 14/10/2012 23:09

Women don't identify as being feminists because they don't want to be unattractive to sexist men. It's very sad and Yanbu or boring. I love all feminist discussions. I love being a feminist. I might get a t-shirt.

ecclesvet · 14/10/2012 23:10

AIBU to not understand the words "I'm not a Tory".

I've seen this countless times on MN and I really don't get it.

Actually I've heard it quite a few times in RL too.

So, to those of you who are so keen to communicate your non-Tory standing, could you please explain to me which part of 'working hard to get where you are' you disagree with?

Alternatively, you could (gently) explain to me which part of that generic description of conservatism I seem to have misunderstood?

WorraLiberty · 14/10/2012 23:10

Yes read the links to the threads OP, that'll answer your question.

marriedinwhite · 14/10/2012 23:11

I am not a feminist. Because "feminist" to me smacks of unattractive, unfeminine, stroppy, lefty, bolshy, demanding, unsympathetic and unloving.

I do believe that women and men are equally important and should have equal opportunity to achieve what they want to achieve but I also believe they are different and have different needs and different skills. That belief didn't stop me earning 6 figures in my 20s and 30s, didn't stop me owning a house in zone 2 London, didn't stop me having 8 years at home with my children, being a brilliant cook, running a nice home, or having a great husband who treats me with respect and as his equal as a human being, a woman and the mother of his children. It also didn't stop me being very successful on a male dominated trading floor. Supporting my husband is not a weakness.

My two SILs are feminists; they lead rather miserable, glass half empty lives, have never done a professional job, claim to hate housework and dislike cooking, and refuse to have their hair styled or shave their armpits as a matter of principle. They went to Russell Group Universities, they argue with their husbands over cooking, cleaning, childcare (neither work full-time; one rarely and both have opted for low stress, low paid jobs and have uninspiring husbands who find everything boring). I don't understand it.

WorraLiberty · 14/10/2012 23:11

Oh thank God we have fishface to speak for us all.

That's the topic pretty much over and done with then.

IvorHughJackolantern · 14/10/2012 23:13

Oooh I want a go

AIBU to not understand the words "I'm not overweight".

I've seen this countless times on MN and I really don't get it.

Actually I've heard it quite a few times in RL too.

So, to those of you who are so keen to communicate your non-fat standing, could you please explain to me which part of 'Fuck me those biscuits look amazing, I might have those for dinner' you disagree with?

Alternatively, you could (gently) explain to me which part of that generic description of shitting-up-the-diet-constantly that I seem to have misunderstood?

Original poster
bushymcbush · 14/10/2012 23:14

McHappy, surely what you mean then is you're not an extreme feminist?

MrsTerryPratchett very good point about the poor image of feminism paving the way for the over-sexualising and pontification of today's society.

Thanks for the links to the other thread - I guess I'm not on MN every minute of every day so I miss quite a lot. But if you think my thread is so boring and old, why the fuck did you bother posting on it? Does it make you feel good to belittle people who haven't seen the same threads as you threesockmorgan? Hmm

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 14/10/2012 23:14

Ivor Grin Grin

EmBOOsa · 14/10/2012 23:14

Ah yes, forgot to say not to worry about what reasons we give for our decisions, I'm sure some lovely enlightened person will be along soon to tell you why we really do it. After all we can't possibly be expected to know what we actually think Hmm

NotInMyDay · 14/10/2012 23:16

Because "feminists" are all to often telling us off for things we like doing. Such as removing all the hair from our fanjos.

Also if you truly want equality between the sexes then you must see that the name feminism is ridiculous.

nailak · 14/10/2012 23:18

I am not a feminist,

on another thread I tried explaining some women like doors being opened for them, meals being paid for them etc, and was told that is being treated like an infant.

I dont believe men and women are the same and should be treated the same in all situations.

I do believe in equal pay, discrimination laws, protection against harassment etc

WorraLiberty · 14/10/2012 23:18

I just don't like labels full stop.

I'm a human being not a post it note.

Original poster
bushymcbush · 14/10/2012 23:20

I am not a feminist. Because "feminist" to me smacks of unattractive, unfeminine, stroppy, lefty, bolshy, demanding, unsympathetic and unloving.

I am attractive, feminine, easy going, (ok, a bit lefty), giving, sympathetic and loving.

And I am a feminist.

OP posts: