to not understand the words "I'm not a feminist"?

[bushymcbush]

I've seen this countless times on MN and I really don't get it.

Actually I've heard it quite a few times in RL too.

So, to those of you who are so keen to communicate your non-feminist standing, could you please explain to me which part of 'total equality between the sexes' you disagree with?

Alternatively, you could (gently) explain to me which part of that generic description of feminism I seem to have misunderstood?

[bushymcbush]

I belive in equality of opportunity but men and women are different.

I agree with that statement. And I am a feminist. Different but equal.

[Sunnywithachanceofshowers]

I am a feminist. I also don't hate men.

[RubyFakeNails]

I identified as a feminist before I joined mn. Then I realised, or actually I was told I am not a feminist so now I don't call myself a feminist on here or in real life.

[NellyJob]

I am attractive, I wear make up and dye my hair and remove body hair
so do you mean you wouldn't be attractive if you didnt shave your fanjo?

[bushymcbush]

Runy, can you explain why you changed your mind please?

[grovel]

Nellyjob

[bushymcbush]

^I am attractive, I wear make up and dye my hair and remove body hair
so do you mean you wouldn't be attractive if you didnt shave your fanjo?^

Those two things are not mutually exclusive in that sentence.
Just part of the same list.

[bushymcbush]

Sorry I meant mutually dependent, not exclusive.

[ilovesooty]

I identify with what Ruby said. Having been criticised by some of the "militant" feminists on MN it's certainly left me feeling that if their views are what feminism is, I don't think I'll describe myself as one.

[NellyJob]

bit of a giveaway comma though, isn't it 'BushyMcbush'?

[crackcrackcrak]

Obviously - if you don't shave your bits you're a minger!

[RubyFakeNails]

Am I Runy?

[HappyHalloweenMotherFucker]

A large part of being a feminist is having the courage of your convictions

If a couple of strangers on t'internet make you wimp out, that's a bit wet, IMO

There is room for several strands within feminism if you stand your ground

If you spot your dummy out, it makes you equally as aggressive in a passive way

Much like marrieds post above, which actually comes across as woman-hating

[HappyHalloweenMotherFucker]

Spit*

[bushymcbush]

Nellyjob, see what you mean about Crackscracks use of comma but what's your point? If removing body hair makes her feel attractive does that mean she can't be a feminist at all, of any kind?

[bushymcbush]

Yes Ruby you are indeed Runy, sorry!

[NellyJob]

no she can be what she likes, feminism is about respecting choices I think, I was just pulling her leg.
I suppose we are all feminists really but some types I met in the 80s kind of put me off the word.....for example..dismissing cheap and desperate prostitutes as 'not women'.

[WorraLiberty]

I've just typed and lost a long post OP but to cut it short...

It seems to me that the majority of women who openly label themselves as feminists are ok...they seem level headed and open to debate.

However, the minority of rad fems can and still do the most damage with their extreme views and bullying of any woman who doesn't 'fall into line'.

I grew up in the 70's and 80's as the daughter of Irish catholic parents and I was so very proud of my heritage (still am).

However, when the IRA started their bombing campaign, I would rather have pulled my eyes out with rusty spoons than admit I was of Irish Catholic decent at that time.

I imagine a lot of Muslims felt the same way after 9/11.

So whilst a relatively small group of people shouldn't hold all the cards, it seems that they often do.

I will never call myself a feminist whilst there are rad fems around who might make people think I share their views...hence the reason I will only label myself as 'me'.

[bushymcbush]

And indeed Ruby, perhaps it's the fake nails that class you as non feminist in the minds of some?

[HappyHalloweenMotherFucker]

No feminists I know dismiss prostitutes as "not women"

They leave that to the johns and their supporters who see prostituted women as something "other"

[crackcrackcrak]

I find some of the posts so disheartening. Do we really have to explain that feminism isn't really about bra burning and man hating? Do some women really, truly not get that?

I find marriedinwhite's post quite bizarre.

[WorraLiberty]

They leave that to the johns and their supporters who see prostituted women as something "other"

And if the prostitute is working for herself only?

You know 'johnless' cos she's a business woman and can succeed in her chosen career alone?

[bushymcbush]

So Worra, if you were a Muslim (and you might be for all I know) would you refuse to label yourself as such until extremist wings such as the Taliban have disappeared?

[bushymcbush]

All that happens when we disa ssociate ourselves from a group because we don't agree with the extreme end, is that the extreme end become even more visible and representative of the group as a whole.

[RubyFakeNails]

Well a highlight of my feminism experience on mn was being told that I was directly responsible for the recent rape of a 3 year old girl. That was by a member of the mn feminist 'royalty'.

I don't think its fair to say I wimped out because of a few post on the internet. I think a more accurate description is that certain posters on mn, have feminism as their cause (and good for them), this means they are very educated and knowledgeable on the subject, they're up with whatever current core feminist thinking is. Other posters may not have it as their cause but they are educated on the subject. Then there are posters like me, I felt I was a feminist based on what my mother had told me and I had learnt at school, which was the simple definitions about equality and equal opportunities.

I felt I had lived a feminist life based on the definitions I had been given; I was educated, worked, had my own business, employed other women, voted, had freedom of choice, was not oppressed by wages or my boyfriend/husband, didn't find having children detrimental to my career etc. I cam on mn and encountered groups of posters who were talking about certain texts, the issue of the patriarchy, being told that I was oppressed I just wasn't aware of it, being told that no I was brainwashed into making certain choices, I was an abuse and rape apologist etc etc. It made me aware that there was this whole culture around feminism and a group of ardent feminists which had views I completely disagreed with so I disassociated myself.

I just live my life and make decisions based on if they seem right and fair, not so they align with an agenda I need to maintain in order to be a feminist.