to be angry at my friend who continues to smoke despite being pregnant?

[amandine07]

This could be (very) controversial...

A good friend of mine recently announced she is PG- I was delighted for her, they have been trying for over a year, I had been a shoulder to cry on for most of the last year as she feared it wouldn't happen as she is 37.

She is about 8 weeks along and continues to smoke about 15 cigarettes a day, she has cut down from 20 so this is progress. She insists it would be more harmful for the baby if she continued to drink alcohol and smoking is "the lesser of 2 evils" and has no plans to give up completely.

I'm sure many of you will say this is none of my business- I'm sure it isn't. I just can't believe her attitude after spending most of the last 12 months going on about being barren, infertile etc.

Also, another close friend has been trying for 3.5 years to become PG and has just failed a 2nd round of IVF- she is utterly devasted & I have witnessed how hellish infertility can be.

This puts things in perspective for me...AIBU to be angry with my friends seeming nonchalance with the whole smoking thing?

dh and i ttc for 3 years and didnt happen and then sadly he took his life last year so will never have a baby with him and as 40 next year tbh unlikely i will ever be a mummy but thats life

i have several friends who got preg straight away (lucky them) but who all smoked during pregnancy and this annoyed me so much, not the conceiving part but the fact they didnt give up and would risk their babies life

can almost understand those who get accidently pregnant and doctors says that be more of a risk to give up then smoke but these friends of mine planned their babies, so why didnt they give up smoking before

i said to them all that i was digusted that they didnt give up, and they all said, they would try and give up, and didnt, and 2 smoke in the house now they have had their baby/well now a toddler

one child is always sickly, always has coughs and colds and another was born 6 weeks prem (sure that was down to smoking)

have had other friends that smoke 30/40 a day and when find pregnant just give up that day, though always start again a few years later

2 of the above also moan they are poor and struggle to pay bills, both her and her dh smoke 20 a day each , at roughly £6.60 a packet thats over £90 week literally going up in smoke

YANBU.

I was a smoker. At the time I got pregnant with DS I smoked 15-20 a day, we had just been on holiday (where I actually got pregnant) where the cigarettes were cheap and I was drinking so I was smoking more and I brought duty free cigarettes home too. Making myself look like a great mother here ....

Anyway I had tried to quit smoking three times before and only ever lasted a month at most. The day I got a positive home pregnancy test, I was around 3-4 weeks, I binned my open packet and my lighters, gave away my duty free packs, and I stopped smoking. I didn't have patches or any nicotine replacements, I just stopped. DS was more important to me. I haven't touched once since, I haven't wanted one.

It'll be four years next month since I quit and I will openly admit that I'm the worst kind of ex-smoker. FIL smokes and when DS visits his house I can smell it on him when he comes home even though FIL smokes in the garden away from the DCs, I can tell which children at DS nursery have parents who smoke because you can smell it, someone I know justifies smoking in the car with her baby because 'I have all the windows open and the vents on' - a child reeking of second-hand smoke makes me sad and angry in a way I can't describe.

If you're going to smoke, smoke. Smoke your lungs out, smoke until your insides turn black and you can't laugh without coughing and you smell like a pub ashtray at closing time. If that's what you like to do then do it but people who subject their children to it are selfish, irresponsible and stupid. Smoking kills and it harms health, it's unpleasant to be around and it looks (and smells) dirty. Children shouldn't be forced to experience any of the effects of second-hand smoke and no amount of justification - I only smoke outside, I only smoke at work, when they're in bed, two or three a day, I chew gum, I wash my hands, etc - excuses it.

I did it cold turkey and I have barely any willpower. My doctor and midwife didn't say it would be too stressful for the baby to suddenly quit, they said if I hadn't quit already then they would advise me to - not to cut down, but to quit - and they could offer nicotine replacement and smoking cessation to help me do so. There is plenty of help and support out there to aid people in quitting.

So no YANBU and your friend is selfish.

Blondes - what a sad story

Totally agree with cbear

I dont think yabu at all but it is her choice, as bad as it is.

I knew a couple of people who smoked AND drank through their pregnancies - went out clubbing regularly, would you believe They gave birth to healthy babies.

I also know a couple of people with very healthy lifestyles who have fertility problems.