To think DH should'nt tell PIL my private business?

[charlottehere]

So, I'm in the final trimester of my pregnancy and have gestational diabetes. Dh feels he should tell PIL, he seems to think it is somehow their right to know and they will wonder why they weren't told if they find out, he also is worried about me talking to them will not help.

I feel it nobodies business except mine and Dh, Mil will make snidely comments and it will become about her and how worried SHE is.

What do you think?

((((hugs))))) Fucka and don't worry about hijacking.x

YABU to deny him someone to talk to if he's worried.

YANBU if he knows she won't just provide a confidential sounding block. If she has previous for being an annoying busy body he should shut up.

I know DH confided in my DMIL when he was worried during my PG.

He was furious when she told me this much later. She and I just thought it was sweet he didn't want to worry me.
But DMIL and I got on very well and tended to be on the same wave length.

Hmm, well I think you being VERY unreasonable. Having a baby is not a private business. She'll make a few snide comments, well so what. She'll worry, well isn't it good she cares and is interested in you and your family? As for turning up in the delivery room, they were hardly let in without permission from you ro your dh. your dh nees to understand what you want. It's hardly surprising that gps might be excited to meet their dgc now is it? Plus your dh may v well need someone else to talk to if he is worried.

So yes YABVU.

He is loads better at telling them now, Hecate. But I do worry about things slipping back to how they were. We very nearly split up, more than once over PIL.

Star, he can talk to who he wants about it, just not them.

Well said Hecate!!

Big hug to Fucka.

Charlotte. yes thanks Im ok. Just a bit bitter. Its hard to let go especially as to this day my dh still hasn't been able to stick up for me . . . not a single word. I've put my foot down in that refuse to allow him to ask for their help in any way seeing as they always let us down and i have distanced myself a bit.

In that i refuse to allow him . . .

It's hard not to be bitter, in that situation Fucka. I think you are doing the right thing by not relying on them and having a bit of distance.

YANBU. I had to have an amniocentesis when I was preg with DD2 and me and DH decided not to tell anyone. That was hard for me as me and my mum are v close but we wanted to deal with it by ourselves and would only tell them if we had ended up having to make a difficult decision. (Thankfully all was fine)

I just know that if we had told them, mil would have made a right frame out of it, and it would have been a topic of conversation for her and her friends. He would have 'suffered' by association as she loves to be the centre of attention and a right martyr.

Hope your pregnancy goes well! X

Ellee, you have clearly had no experience of toxic PILs. You are lucky.

I havent either. But my parents are toxic and treated my DP awfully. I no longer speak to them for various reasons but this is one. I agree that a partner who lets it happen might aswell be abusive themselves.

YANBU

Your body, your business!!!

Frame = drama
He = she

Sorry for typos, am bf!

That's terrible fuckadoodle. What has your DH's reaction been to these things happening?

Ellee, medical matters are private. Just because you're pregnant doesn't mean the whole world has to know what's going on.

Blimey them being in the delivery room would've been it for me, I'd have hit the roof! Poor you.

{{{hugs}}} to you OP and Fucka.

Ellee

Having a baby is not a private business" - Ermmm yes it is if thats what the mother wants.

the details of your pregnancy ae private. they do not have a right to know.

CailinDana. He has been sad about some but not said anything but been clearly gutted nonetheless. Others he's been in denial because that's easier for him to deal with, so he's convinced himself that they didn't really give me nasty looks and didn't really say what they said. That really hurt. He may as well have called me a liar.

ellee if it's not private business does that mean you would be happy with your inlaws, parents and siblings all in watching you give birth? After all if it's not private and a families right...

Again sorry for the hijack

That's really tough fuckadoodle. I'm the scapegoat in my family but I've just completely distanced myself from them because they aren't worth the effort. I know how damaging it can be to be caught in that dynamic. Do you think he would ever consider counselling to deal with his upbringing? Or is he completely in denial about the whole thing?

fuckadoodle you must have amazing patience

YANBU. He should respect your wishes.

Curious. Or Im a bloody doormat! I was very delicate when a lot of this was going on as had been through an awful time so its extra hard to accept that i was treated like that when i was so fragile.

Cailin. I have had counselling and its hugely improved my assertiveness. I still find it hard to say what i think around them though because they can be so vicious. They would rip me to bits if i ever really objected to anything (verbally not physically) so i can see why my dh avoids it.

forgive me for asking, but they sound horrible and without a single redeeming feature.

Why are they in your lives? do you not ever just think that you would just be so much happier without these people who are connected to you only by an accident of birth but who don't actually bring anything but misery into your life?