Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH should'nt tell PIL my private business?

116 replies

charlottehere · 14/10/2012 13:02

So, I'm in the final trimester of my pregnancy and have gestational diabetes. Dh feels he should tell PIL, he seems to think it is somehow their right to know and they will wonder why they weren't told if they find out, he also is worried about me talking to them will not help.

I feel it nobodies business except mine and Dh, Mil will make snidely comments and it will become about her and how worried SHE is.

What do you think?

OP posts:
CailinDana · 14/10/2012 13:21

Longjane, have you misunderstood what the OP is saying? Or are you just being nasty?

wannabedomesticgoddess · 14/10/2012 13:22
Shock

Sometimes I think that horrible inlaws should be grounds for divorce.

fuckadoodlepoopoo · 14/10/2012 13:22

Fairylea. Eek!

HecateLarpo · 14/10/2012 13:22

Yeah, my dad's parents had the whole Right To Know thing going on. My dad ended up not speaking to them for 20 years.

And his brother has lost 2 wives because of them. One because they let themselves into their house while they were on holiday and repainted it to their taste. When they got home and she wasn't grateful, they hit the roof. Lack of suitable gratitude would also result in a bill arriving at your home for all the things they'd ever done for you.

And my dad got into trouble - as a married man with 2 children - for not running his car choice by them before buying it

The stories I could tell you would have your jaw on the floor.

Suffice to say, I can spot one a mile off and would advise anyone unlucky enough to have these people in their lives to run for the bloody hills. alone if required...

AgentZigzag · 14/10/2012 13:23

'as long as you dont tell anyone about your DH health issues

and that means on here as well '

I thought that was a subtle invitation for the OP spill the medical beans on her DPs most private of privates Grin

Original poster
charlottehere · 14/10/2012 13:23

I know Gd isn't something to be embarrassed about, but mil will make out its my fault which it might be as I'm overweight, we will also get the phone calls about how she hasn't slept all night for worrying! I just don't need it.

OP posts:
CailinDana · 14/10/2012 13:24

I've known inlaws to break up one engagement (but it was resolved and they later got married) and one marriage (ending in divorce). To be fair, the first was a case of the man being a bit clueless, and he did sort it out in the end, in the other the inlaws exacerbated a lot of the existing issues in the marriage, and just hastened the divorced which was a good thing for the woman.

fuckadoodlepoopoo · 14/10/2012 13:24

I have no time whatsoever for people who allow their parents to abuse their partner. For me, it's almost the same thing as the partner doing the abusing themselves.

Ooh that hit a nerve Sad

ImperialBlether · 14/10/2012 13:25

It's quite clear she's just being nasty, Cailin.

Original poster
charlottehere · 14/10/2012 13:25

Or want it

OP posts:
HecateLarpo · 14/10/2012 13:26

long - I suppose she wouldn't tell us if we'd call her up or go round to her house, be a bunch of bitches to her about it and complain about how her condition was making us feel...

From what she says, it's clearly not telling someone that she objects to. It is telling a specific person who has form for being horrible to her and who would be horrible to her about it and use it to get attention for herself.

I am surprised that the difference isn't very clear.

ImperialBlether · 14/10/2012 13:26

I'm really shocked that they let people into the delivery room - you need to tell the midwives not to let your ILs in under any circumstances. It's disgraceful that you can't give birth in peace.

CailinDana · 14/10/2012 13:26

:( Fuckadoodle, why?

Original poster
charlottehere · 14/10/2012 13:27

Oh and they'll be the box of chocolates because she didn't realise I couldn't have them. And the mysterious illness that will turn out to be nothing, oh hang on, we have that already as the limelight is on the baby. Hmmpff

OP posts:
RemindMeWhatSleepIs · 14/10/2012 13:28

"they turned up and came into the delivery room when I was having DD1".

I'd be furious!!!!!!! AngryAngryAngryAngry

I hope you've told them very firmly that that won't be welcome at the hospital without invitation!!

Original poster
charlottehere · 14/10/2012 13:29

Will they o that Imperial? Although DH will be on very dodgy ground if he tells them I'm in labour.

OP posts:
poozlepants · 14/10/2012 13:30

They have absolutely no right to know at all.Do not under any circumstances let him tell them if they will use it as a stick to beat you with. As complications go it is very common and not particularly worrying if it's under control. I got gd in the last few weeks and then MIL found out as she happened to be there when they told me that I probably didn't have it after all but they would monitor me just to be sure.
She was really horrible about it. Must be because I had bad genes or had been fat before. She wasn't quite so nasty when my thin SIL got it as well but much more sympathetic.
I refuse to let my dh tell my PIL anything medical.
If I were you I'd tell your dh that you won't tell him anything to do with your pregnancy anymore unless he stops telling your parents.

Original poster
charlottehere · 14/10/2012 13:30

11 years later, Remindme, I am still cross about it. There is no point telling them anything, they do as they please.

OP posts:
LittleBairn · 14/10/2012 13:32

Shock hecate who on earth would think its ok to re-paint someone's house!
That said my inlaws went on for years about an expensive car DH bought as a grown adult, in a well paid job....maybe I should get the keys back before any holidays!

OP I would be really upset if any family member thought they had the 'right' to know details of my pregnacy. Just because the baby is part of their family doesn't make your body their public property to comment on!

Original poster
charlottehere · 14/10/2012 13:33

Are you ok fucka?

OP posts:
RemindMeWhatSleepIs · 14/10/2012 13:37

Then you TELL them. They will NOT come to the delivery room.
(my in laws were like this until I finally snapped when DD was about 10 months old, they are lots better now).

And yes you tell the midwives that you do not want any visitors except for your DH. Surely all areas where there are newborns should be very secure and people can't just walk in.

Original poster
charlottehere · 14/10/2012 13:39

Remindme, they don't listen to me. Best if they are told after baby comes.

OP posts:
fuckadoodlepoopoo · 14/10/2012 13:40

Cailin. I don't want to hijack the thread. To be brief. My ils treated me badly repeatedly and my dh did nothing. In his defence he is the scapegoat of the family and he is not allowed to assert himself in any way and was taught that from a young age. He doesn't know how and is fearful of their disapproval. So they've said shit things to me, lost me my job, repeatedly gave me horrendously nasty looks, refused to help when we've had emergency situations, let me down with babysitting . . . would agree to it and then wait until the last minute and change their mind resulting in me not being at the church to be a godparent, missed my cousins wedding, ruined our anniversary etc etc.

HecateLarpo · 14/10/2012 13:40

and where's your husband while his parents aren't listening to you?

Standing with you and demanding you are treated with the respect you deserve, I hope...

HecateLarpo · 14/10/2012 13:41

sorry, F. x post. When I typed that, you weren't there in the middle.

Swipe left for the next trending thread