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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my DD play with her friends Dad?

109 replies

whatsleep · 14/10/2012 09:03

Took 8 year old DD to play at her new friends house, she is new to school so I went along as I don't know the family at all. Parents have split and children live with Dad. Stayed for around 3 hours during which time the dad told me all about his split with his wife, how the nanny is constantly coming onto him and he can hear her playing with sex toys in the evening, and how the school teacher was flirting with him at parents evening. Also that hes desperate for a girl friend but doesnt know where to meet one, He has apparently been living in the area for 4 years but knows know body as the house is pretty remote. A very very odd afternoon, not really the kind of conversation you want to be having with a single man you have just met! And just set in concrete that my DD won't be going round again (my DH would be livid if I told him the full extent of the conversation) I just told him that he doesn't know anyone locally despite living here for 4 years. AIBU?

OP posts:
LeeCoakley · 14/10/2012 10:29

I think he just sounds like he doesn't do small talk. Maybe he didn't expect you to stay and was just trying to fill 3 hours. Which is a lot for someone you don't know AND the opposite sex. If your dd is round there, won't the nanny usually be there and not the dad? Play it by ear. Maybe he never wants to go through another afternoon like that and won't invite your dd again anyway!

Original poster
whatsleep · 14/10/2012 10:29

piglet I have no problem with the girls playing together I just don't feel comfy with my 8 year old being in a situation where she could be alone with a man who has no concept of what is appropriate. I could be bang out if order but its a risk I'm willing to take to keep my child safe. I was unsure if my gut feeling was appropriate but from the comments above I feel I should follow my gut. He s wanting to invite the whole class over for a pay date to help his dd make friends at the school which is a lovely idea, so if we forget to go maybe she will choose a new best friend.

OP posts:
TheMonster · 14/10/2012 10:32

If he can hear the nanny at night, then surely his daughter can too? Either he is lying (or fantasising) or he needs a new (quieter!) nanny.

pigletmania · 14/10/2012 10:33

Of course op I did not suggest you leave your dd alone with him, did give you a couple of solutions so that the dd can still play together. I have a friend like that, he does sometimes overstep the mark when talking, but he is a very lovely and sweet person, socially inept, but wuld never harm anyone.

Original poster
whatsleep · 14/10/2012 10:33

lee Grin thank you you made me smile. The nanny left yesterday while I was there for an interview in London, she has not been with the family for long. I hope your right and we don't get another invite!

OP posts:
SamSmalaidh · 14/10/2012 10:36

Can't believe people are saying "aww the poor bloke is lonely"! He sounds vile and inappropriate, how yuk to discuss the nanny like that. There is a reason he doesn't have any friends.

I wouldn't want to go round there, let alone let my kids go.

Original poster
whatsleep · 14/10/2012 10:36

Thank you piglet I'm just struggling with what to say next time he invites my dd over there? The house was huge and my dd had an amazing time exploring with her friend....can't see my Dh staying for a play date and it becomes awkward if I stay again. Any suggestions on what I cold say?

OP posts:
pigletmania · 14/10/2012 10:36

He does reveal too much personal details about his love life regarding to sex and sometimes asks me personal questions, I just give him a good talking to and tell him I don't want to hear it

Original poster
whatsleep · 14/10/2012 10:36

could

OP posts:
toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 14/10/2012 10:37

Yeah, he's probably met lots of people. But only once!!! Wink

With nasty hat on, I'd say he's probably a saddo porn addict who was hoping that a bit of sex talk would turn you on so much you would immediately feel so lustful you simply had to fellate him against the breakfast bar.Hmm

With nice hat on, I'd say he's awkward, lonely, lacking in small talk social skills but unlikely to be a real danger, but I would still prefer to have play dates at mine in case his conversations are overheard/he talks about anything inappropriate near the girls. A massive group class party should be ok though, rather than 1-1? He should be so busy looking after everyone no time for that nonsense. I would stay tho, wouldn't leave your dd unattended.

Tricky one, sorry you are in this situation.

pigletmania · 14/10/2012 10:38

I guess you could stay for a little bit and your dh, not 3 hours but say 1.5 hours so it's not so long

Mabelface · 14/10/2012 10:59

Ew, dirty bastard. So inappropriate. Lonely or not, he's nor your responsibility and I wouldn't want me or my daughter to have anything to do with him. Men like that make my skin crawl.

dysfunctionalme · 14/10/2012 11:02

I wouldn't be encouraging the friendship. I'd be saying no to playdates at their house and only occasional yes at yours. Enough going on in life without taking on weird people like him.

longjane · 14/10/2012 11:03

why on earth who go on a play date with a eight year?
i really dont get that
maybe he though you were interested in him?

HecateLarpo · 14/10/2012 11:11

how totally inappropriate of him. I would be outraged if I were his nanny. And what on earth made him think you would want to know something like that anyway?

I wouldn't have my child over there either. I am not suggesting for one moment that he is a danger to her, but he has shown himself to be someone with no idea of appropriate topics of conversation and if he can tell a woman he's just met that he can hear his nanny masturbating Hmm I would assess him from that as someone who cannot be trusted to understand and adhere to appropriate topics of conversation and would therefore just have his daughter at my house and not mine at his.

hello woman I barely know, tea or coffee? take a seat. Btw, my child's teacher fancies me and I can hear my nanny masturbating. I mean - What. The. Hell.? [boggle]

pigletmania · 14/10/2012 11:19

Shame on his dd though that she has a weird dad, suggest she comes round to you instead on her own

Original poster
whatsleep · 14/10/2012 11:20

longjane I know she's 8 and I don't accompany her on play dates usually but I don't let my dd got to a strangers house alone? Would you? I literally met them in the play ground on Thursday and we went round on Saturday, is this not normal?

OP posts:
pigletmania · 14/10/2012 11:22

I feel sorry for the little girl, just have her round at yours

usualsuspect3 · 14/10/2012 11:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BillyBollyBandy · 14/10/2012 11:25

I would ask dh to go round next time

I don't buy the lonely thing either. He is talking about sex toys with a woman he has just met, who he knows through his daughter. He is sexually inappropriate and no I wouldn't leave my dd there.

I do feel for his dc though.

IsabelleRinging · 14/10/2012 11:27

WOW! You stayed for 3! hours with an eight year old on a playdate - no wonder you got him talking, that's a long time to make conversation with a stranger!

Original poster
whatsleep · 14/10/2012 11:27

I will invite her over she is lovely and I have no problem with her what so ever.

OP posts:
usualsuspect3 · 14/10/2012 11:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Narked · 14/10/2012 11:38

So you lot would happily send your 8 year old off alone to the home of someone you'd only met 3 days before? And you find it normal that a man starts talking to a woman he barely knows about hearing his nanny masturbating? But it's ok beacause he's 'lonely' Hmm

usualsuspect3 · 14/10/2012 11:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.