to think that 40 years old is NOT too old to become a Mother, whether it is tbe first time or not?

[SoleSource]

I am 39 soon and would like to have another baby.

So interesting to read everybody's experiences and opinions on the subject.

My mother, who had us 2 aged 23 and 25, still thinks I am mad/irresponsible/naive to have had my kids (and 4 of them [horror]) so late in life, and tbh, I see her point.

However, much as I would have liked to have children about 10 years earlier than I did (last child in my mid30s rather than mid40s would have been my ideal), Life just did not turn out in such a way to allow that. Seeing that I wanted a comminted partner first before having a family.
When we did start TTC to took 5 years to make DS1 and I had never aimed for a one child family - I admit 4 is a bit greedy, and I am very, very lucky and blessed.

I simply think that the alternative, namely NOT having a child because you are not the ideal age, is worse than going for it if the wish/time/energy/income is there.

So, yes, if I could have planned out the next 20 years of my life when I was 20, I would have met DH earlier, I would not have had several MCs, I would have considered not training in the job I am in... nope, scrap that !

Grandparents being older is a big down side, but no big enough to not have a late child IMO.
Both DH and I feel it is a big responsibility to keep ourselves as fit and healthy as we can to not be frail before our time. Young parents can get ill/die too which is just as awful for the children left behind, so again I don't think it is enough of a reason not to go ahead.

All of you, young or not so young, looking after their parents, old or very old, you should all have a medal btw .

My Mum was 22 when she had me, she's now 42 and having her fourth child. Yes I believe that she is too old.

Print that out and you can have a good laugh when you get to 40 yourself!

Anyone would think that people had a choice-life isn't like that-you might think 25 is a good age but you are not in a position to go ahead.

Interesting mix of opinions on this thread. I don't think 40 is to old to become a mother - first time or not.

I had my first child at 18 and my MIL had her 4th (my SIL) at 42 just 3 weeks apart. There was a 15 year gap between her 3rd and 4th.

I am now 40 and have 6 DC, eldest 3 are adults and have left home,3 younguns, youngest being 6. To be honest I'm not sure I could start over again with new babies however I do feel incredibly broody and a little bit jealous when I hear that 'girls' I went to school with are just settling down now after following career paths and are pregnant/ just had babies at 40. I had a MMC last year so am absolutely aware that I am still fertile but my eldest DD had my grandson last Sept and is TTC so I feel I would be 'pissing on her chips' if I suddenly announced that I was planning more babies.

I just did things all arse about face but I am a young grandma and can concentrate on my grandbabies now ....and be able to hand them back when they are being a pain

No, I don't think it's too old at all. You're only too old once you have hit the menopause ;).
But then I had my first child at the age of 45 shock horror. And yes it was planned :).
I am actually quite surprised in this day and age to read that so many of you consider me too old. I know quite a few women in their 40's having babies :)

My best friend had a baby aged 42. She was single and never expected to have a baby, and knew this was her one and only chance. She had twins! She got lucky and she's the best mum I know. They get a lot of attention, do so much stuff together, are very well loved, they have pets, when they're ill she worries so much and calls at work, she takes them on holidays and spends as much as she can afford on making them happy. She practically lives for her children, and thankfully she's rewarded with two brilliant children, bright, happy, well loved and caring. Throughout the pregnancy she worried about miscarrying and stillbirth- at an older age, it's a worry- but they were healthy and now she says she doesn't know why she didn't try earlier.

If you want children, go for it. 39 isn't that old, and in fact being that age means you have more life experiences and have also gone further job-wise (or your partner/husband has, depending if you work or not of course) which means you're better financially. I think as long as you will be able to love and care for your kids, and you want kids, then it doesn't matter about your age.

LMAO at the notion that 40 is "old"!

I became a first time mum at 39 and had my second at 41. I neither look nor feel old - despite also thinking that 40 was old (and 50 decrepit) when I was in my teens ;)

Go for it :)

Gosh I hope not! I'm going to be 42 within a few days of having my first!

YANBU I had DD at nearly 42, she's now 10, yes knackered, but that's due to health problems not DD, she keeps me young + I know I'm a far better mum now than I would have been when I was younger, also I've had a good career, so don't feel I missed out on anything, finacially secure, so I'm happy to wind down work wise + dedicate myself to her + consider myself very lucky that I can :)

40 is certainly not too old to be a Mother, however my Mum had me when she was 34, by my mid teens she was already being mistaken for my grandmother . Fair enough people do seem to look younger these days, I was always quite embarrassed by my old parents though, even though by today's standards they were middling to young.

Teenagers are embarrassed about everything though and my Mum didn't age well. Not a reason not to have a child.

I wouldn't myself though, had my children in my earlyish 20's, I really can imagine that in my last gasp of fertility I would think it a good idea to have one more, think I will get sterilised to stop my own stupidness.

My paternal grandmother gave birth to her 6th child at 47, two months before her 48th birthday. She have birth to her first, who died age 2, when she was 16.

She lived to the age of 92, no dementia, she died of heart failure.

Despite 2 heart attacks, that first at the age of 37, he is now healthy, age 63, a professor of aneasthia at a top medical university, father of two daughters and grandfather to two grandsons.

Believe me, NO ONE ever mistook her or her husband as his grandparents or were ever embarrassed to have them as parents. Her husband was the same age.

He lived to be 90, didn't retire until he was 82, and dropped dead after two days of illness of heart failure as well.

Not everyone's life works out to have children young.

My paternal grandmother started out as such, married at 15 and 18 (him), their first child shortly after she was 16.

She was widowed and lost that child when she was only 18.

She was absolutely devastated by these losses, no matter how common they were in 1920.

It was over 10 years before she re-married.

But she conceived readily, gave birth at home and breastfed each till the age of two, then within a year she had another.

She had 4 like that, her last was a real surprise! But no less welcome.

Never been mistaken for GPs here either, these days many parents are older, its really not so unusual, I doubt I'm younger than any of DDs school friends mums, but they often think I am, which should tell you that many of them are not that much younger than me, besides DCs really do keep you young :)

Had my kids at 33 and 38. Wish I had had them a little younger but it wasn't through lack of trying. My mum had me when she was 40 and now she is not here to see her grand kids. There are some downsides to generations having kids later.

Like I say my Mum had me at 34, she was dead at 59, my dad died at 47, so at the grand age of 26, I was parent less. My oh is 18 years older than me, he still has both parents alive. Nobody can plan for things like that.

Due to both parents dying young, I'm not looking forward to a long retirement, hopefully my children will be at least 30 before I pop my clogs, it's really crappy losing parents young.

My gran had my Aunty when she was 42. My Aunty had a baby when she was 50. I would love to have another baby, and think sometime in my 40s would be excellent.
Life is an adventure..get on the baby train Sole!

Very interesting thread. I also have worried as my ds has older parents me 41 dp 36 but I am told I don't look my age and my pregnancy was classed as low risk.
My mum was a teenager when she first had children and 25 when she had me, unfortunately she died of cancer aged 63 as did my ds paternal grandfather but he was in his 40s . But ds has 2 fit grandparents left and 2 sets of great grandparents so am thankful for that.

Didn't think there were people (aside from the Daily Fail) who thought there was anything wrong with kids over 40!!

My mum was 40 when she had me, I was the youngest by quite a lot. Attitude is definitely key, my mother was knackered and jaded and not really interested in playing with me. Her line was always "I've already done all of that with your brothers, I can't be bothered doing it with you too". As you can tell though my mother has other issues too not really related to the fact she was an older mum with me

I am 28 with my first pg and I am definitely in the minority - most pregnant women I see are 35-38+ these days!

My colleague's wife who is due around the same time as me is 48 with her second. Took lots and lots of IVF though, I understand. She's had an easier pregnancy than me!! I couldn't do this again 10 or 20 years from now TBH, if only because I like the idea of having kids moved out by the time I'm 50

finding this thread interesting. I've just had 2nd dc at 34 and unexpectedly feel like i might like to try for a 3rd in future.

i always thought 2 would be enough, but after i had DS2 i thought "oh i could do this again"

interesting to read all the stories, thanks.

YANBU by the way, i think it's a personal thing and depends on circumstances.

twins does scare me a bit too though!

At 37 I tried for another, biggest consideration higher risk of a child with some sort of disability because of the impact that would have on my other children and the age I would be when or if that child would be independent.

I decided to go ahead but perfect baby died invitro and was stillborn.

I went on to have DS just before my 40th, he is the easiest child ever and I don't regret it.

Round our way (central-ish London) 40yo parents seem to be the norm rather than anything weird. At least just as normal as 25-35 something parents.

Personally I find it quite hard to be in my mid 50s with an 11 year old - I had him when I was 33 - many friends my own age have children who are now grown up and left home, my son's friends' parents are considerably younger than me - although I hope I get on well enough with most of them .

I know DS finds it embarassing to have 'older' parents. .

You can feel a bit in 'limbo' with your life, I don't really enjoy hanging round rugby pitches at weekends, although I guess I wouldn't whatever age I was .

Just to clarify I said 50 was to old for ME, and for me 50 is too old to be coping with a stroppy 10 year old.

If others don't feel the same that's fine and dandy, I wasn't judging. My friend didn't have her child until she was 41, which has worked out great for her.

Completely a personal choice.