to just not care how I look?

[CailinDana]

I feel a bit of an odd one out in this, so anyone out there join me? How I look doesn't even occur to me. I look in the mirror in the morning to make sure there's no jam on my face and I brush my hair but beyond that I think I just look like a woman and don't really give a hoot whether I'm wrinkly, or have not great skin or whatever. I wear make up on the odd night out, more because it's sort of a habit than that I think it makes me look any better. I'm lucky that I don't put on weight easily so I don't really think about my figure either. I would never consider any sort of beauty treatment because I can't honestly see the point. Am I weird? Or will I suddenly look in the mirror in ten years (I'm 30 now) and be horrified

What makes me feel weird is I just don't get the beauty thing. To me someone in full make up - fake lashes, foundation, eyebrow pencil, lipstick etc - isn't someone who looks good, it's someone who's wearing make up IYSWIM. I don't get what's supposed to be attractive about it. Not that it looks bad, but I think a woman with no make up and grey hair doesn't necessarily look any less attractive than a woman with full make up and dyed hair. Putting on make up is fun, but I don't think it makes me look any better or any worse it just makes me look different. Plus I find it icky and gloopy and uncomfortable to wear.

Jodie - I can't believe people actually say those horrible things to you! Who says it? And do you tell them to fuck off??

I'm happy enough with the way I look but once in a while I catch sight of myself in a mirror and realise I do actually look my age, whereas in my head I am still seeing the old me from at least 10 years ago...which I wasn't that happy with at the time, but in retrospect I was fine. I assume the same will apply in 10 years time, so by my logic I must be fine now, so no need to worry.

I very occasionally wear make-up, but don't feel that the slightly less-tired appearance is worth the effort involved.

There's a difference between grooming and basic hygiene imnot although I do have a friend who for various reasons has very poor hygiene and a lot of people won't talk to her because of that. Doesn't bother me. I'm clean and tidy because whatever about grooming, being unkempt or dirty doesn't serve you well in a work situation.

My turn, my turn!! I'm in a job (health care) where women of my occupation just don't get madeup or wear nail varnish to work. I'm in my early 50s, hair kept well cut (not grey yet), eyebrows shaped, face washed & moisturised. Unintererested in fashion but I usually feel appropriately dressed for the company I'm with. I'm single (long-time divorced) & sometimes wonder if I would 'pull' more if I put some slap on when I went out. But then I think - why should I?! Does putting on some foundation, eyeliner, lippy make me a more attractive person? Does not doing so mean that i dont care what i look like? (answer - no!) And I do like being able to cry with laughter, rub my eyes etc without worrying about smudging...

I judge on first appearances, even if the judgement doesn't last. I would be wary of people who either don't care at all and make no effort, or who have eyebrow pencil and false lashes and so on. Neither is praiseworthy or blameworthy, people are the way they are. The reaction of others isn't praiseworthy or blameworthy either, you either like people, or you don't.

I'm curious why you judge that way Brycie?

We all judge on appearances subconsciously - we're human and are wired that way.

I do care how I look but some days I care more than others! So this morning dropping off ds, I didn't care. Caught sight of myself when I got home with my big eye bags, windswept frizzy hair and put a bit of make up on.

I miss my days of youth when I could just wash and go

YANBU. I don't care either But I'm going to have to make an effort soon as I'm starting a full time job. In a global company. Where everyone dresses smart.

Usually I'm the scruffy (but clean :) ) one at the school gate with a different hat on each day, sans make up and what not. My sister despairs, I just laugh. She especially despairs at my nails which are always unpainted, of varying lengths. She bought me a voucher for a beauty salon for my birthday yesterday.

I have duly booked an appointment and am going shopping for "work clothes"

No I never tell anyone to fuck off - I'm way too uptight

What an interesting debate though!

My sister despairs too Shakey - she has actually chased me around the house in years gone by trying to fake tan me!

I just do. If people keep themselves nice and wear enough make up to conform (bit of mascara and lipstick!), that's like me, so I would be more inclined to want to get to know them. If you judge me for making those judgements, I don't really mind, just as you don't mind about what people think of you.

I find that if I just make the tiniest bit of effort, I get get treated better everywhere. I am not talking fake tan, surgery, false eye lashes and the works. I mean clean hair, mascara, ear rings and lip balm, clean clothes (that is making an effort to me, I guess we all have different standards!).

It is funny, that. I wonder if looking like you take care of yourself (a bit), gives people the impression that you respect yourself, therefore they respect you? Just thinking out loud really.

Whereas not being able to go out without full slap, hair extensions and killer heels maybe shows you are actually not happy (insecure) about how you look? Or is it just fun to look like that? (it seems to be so much work!)

I was wondering about this when I was in A&E with DS last week, and the nurse went through all the questions and then said "Next question, who is your social worker?" Then looked at me and added "You don't look like like the sort of person who would have a social worker, haha"" and crossed a "none" before I even answered.

Was wondering what she saw, when she looked at me, if that makes sense.

MrsWolowitz sorry didn't meant that people who wear make up didn't care about their health!

For me it's more the fact that, if you are healthy, you will just look better anyway. If I have bag under your eyes, then rather than using make up to conceal them, I prefer to look at the 'health' side of things if that makes sense? Spots appearing on my face is a sign for me to look at my diet, not to find a skin cream if that makes sense?
Also, if you are happy and are enjoying your life/emotionally balance (ie emotional health), it is also something you can see. Usually in the yes of the person. Or at least that's my experience looking at people around me.

So rather than spending time and money of 'beauty products', I'd rather take the stance that beauty comes from within and work on that instead, both my physical and my emotional health.

I don't judge you I'm just wondering.

Sorry last post was directed at Brycie.

Actually Brycie I think a lot of people probably do the same than you. It is so common and normal that not having make up can look odd.

But then I am also of the opinions that people who do not follow 'rules' are also probably some of the more interesting people too.

You're lucky and young, OP (I don't mean that as criticism, I'm lucky and young too.) It's easy to not care when you're healthy and, if not breathtakingly beautiful, at least averagely normal.

But I'm beginning to notice that 35 is not 25...in another decade or two even averagely normal would take a conscious effort. I suspect I'll care increasingly more as I age.

I don't want to state the bleeding obvious but like often, more often than not, attracts like, so girls with big hair and false lashes will find each other friendly souls, and no-make-up-wild-hairs will probably have a lot in common too. Boring people like me with a dash of lippy and mascara may not exactly home in on each other but to me, it gives the impression that you know what's what. Ie (in my view) it's good to look nice and fit in but you don't want to waste too much time on it. That' s my view; it's not yours; it's fine.

I get what you mean Chandon. I suppose in situations where you're meeting people that you don't know, your appearance does carry a fair bit of weight. But I think how you come across is really more important and that's true even in the first few moments of talking to someone. I might look a bit scruffy but I do tend to get treated well and I think that's perhaps because I tend to smile a lot (not consciously, just an automatic thing, partly nerves I think when in a strange situation) and I find it easy to talk to people. Might be interesting though to go out in full make up, dressed up etc for a few weeks and see if there's a noticeable difference.

I can't believe the nurse said that to you though, shows how judgemental people in healthcare can be!

Agree with the like attracts like.
However, it has never crossed my mind that make up = boring :)

I agree Brycie, although I have big haired, false lashed friends - in fact I knew my best friend from school for ten years before I saw her without make up, and we used to stay in each others' houses at least once a week! She spends thousands on clothes and beauty treatments, so in that sense we are very different but we are peas in a pod in other ways. But I would, for example, be less inclined to talk to someone who had a lot of piercings and tattoos because that's a whole lifestyle I'm not familiar with and a bit scared of if I'm honest .

< no-one besides the make-up counter ladies actually use eye-brow pencils do they?>

My friend does ithink. Although I think it's more like mascara stuff she uses now. Her array of make up is really quite incredible, she has a stick or a balm or a pencil or a liquid of some kind for absolutely everything.