to just not care how I look?

[CailinDana]

I feel a bit of an odd one out in this, so anyone out there join me? How I look doesn't even occur to me. I look in the mirror in the morning to make sure there's no jam on my face and I brush my hair but beyond that I think I just look like a woman and don't really give a hoot whether I'm wrinkly, or have not great skin or whatever. I wear make up on the odd night out, more because it's sort of a habit than that I think it makes me look any better. I'm lucky that I don't put on weight easily so I don't really think about my figure either. I would never consider any sort of beauty treatment because I can't honestly see the point. Am I weird? Or will I suddenly look in the mirror in ten years (I'm 30 now) and be horrified

[ICBINEG]

hmmm I definitely judge people on their level of groomedness...I think everyone does to a greater or lesser extent. I personally would be thinking... wow your time can't be worth much if you bother with all that everyday....

But this would instantly be displaced by any actual knowledge of the person gained by for instance interacting with them.

I think I do judge books by their covers but only until I have read the first line...then the cover is forgotten.

[ithinkimightbegoingmad]

i care very little and have never been one for grooming...but now at age 40; i have been applying makeup for work, for the last 5 yearsish; becasue i look tired and a bit ill-so i think i look more professional if i can look a bit more alert and less deathly

i shave legs in summer and for swimming (most of the time)

and armpits-because mine smell if they are hairy

[Brycie]

"the first visual impression I give people, because it has nothing to do with how I am as a person"

Sorry I will just come back to this. It has everything to do with you as a person, as you go on to explain in that post!

[ICBINEG]

I wonder what fraction of the beauty industry turnover is in gifts....it occurs to me that no one would buy anyone else Turd Polish for their birthday....even though in fact buying any sort of beauty product is essentially saying the same thing...

[CailinDana]

In what sense do you think it wouldn't be enough Brycie - as in, a person wouldn't want to talk to me or be my friend because of how I look?

[Brycie]

They might not want to to get to know you. But you wouldn't care to know someone who thinks like that, I assume? So no loss to you.

[LateDeveloper]

YANBU. Ocasionally it is fun to dress up and do my hair but I'm just not that interested so long as I look clean and relatively tidy. I agree with you that if people like clothes, make up and cosmetic surgery etc as a hobby then good for them but for me the way I look is not something that defines me in a big way.

I believe in playing to my strengths and as beauty is not one of them I prefer not to put too much of my energy into pursuing it. I value myself for being a know-all clever, a good friend and able to crack a joke. (not saying you can't be all of that AND beautiful btw)

I can look pleasant and approachable and despite not being pretty I had a lot of fun with many a couple of boyfriends before meeting my dh. Big boobs help perhaps

I do worry that the general level of grooming required for young boys and girls keeps rising. In my day girly girls wore nail polish, macara and sun-in in their hair. Nowadays fake nails, straightened hair, false eyelashes and flawless make-up seem a pre-requisite for a trip to the cinema - my poor dd!

[CailinDana]

I would be really unimpressed with a person who didn't want to get to know because I don't meet their standards of grooming. I'm not sure many people like that actually exist, but if they do, I'm not bothered that they're not interested in me! I consider myself to have had a lucky escape tbh.

[ICBINEG]

late gosh you sound like my more attractive twin....also with the big boobs being a major (or my case only) draw here...

would you like to go into business?

I totally agree with the poor DD comment....how unfair that if she had just managed to snag a Y chromosome she would have her mornings free instead of chained to the mirror...

[LateDeveloper]

Brycie - there is a big difference between saying "I don't care what first impression I give" and saying "I don't care if I don't look like a model". Of course i want to look pleasant and approachable but I honestly don't mind if you look at me and think I look a bit plain.

[LateDeveloper]

ICBINEG - I can assure you that you'd be the more attractive twin as at 40 and with 2 kids my assets are dropping metaphorically and literally

[ICBINEG]

calin there were several people on the armpit thread that said they would never be friends with someone with armpit hair because it would indicate a lack of the same values...

I whole heartedly agreed from the other side...being the sort of person for which armpit hair is a deal breaker in a friendship, is in fact a deal breaker for me.

[Brycie]

Latedeveloper: yes but it's not about looking like a model, she says she doesn't care how she looks at all. That gives an impression.

"I would be really unimpressed with a person who didn't want to get to know because I don't meet their standards of grooming." Well there we are then. Never the two worlds shall meet

[ICBINEG]

everlong ohh I would be careful mixing petrol and lipgloss...that sounds like a potentially explosive combination...

[ICBINEG]

To get back to the OP....

Does anyone else think that being broadly happy with the way you look naturally is a healthier state of mind to being unhappy/hating the way you look naturally?

Obviously not everyone who wheres make up, does so because they hate the way they look and equally not everyone who doesn't wear make up is happy with the way they look. This is NOT a make-up versus non-make-up discussion but a happy with your looks versus unhappy with your looks thing.

[maybeyoushoulddrive]

This is really interesting. What happened to live and let live? I have also found that living in different places brought up differences in perceived grooming requirements.

I think to genuinely not feel the need to conform by applying makeup/wearing fashionable clothes/shaving etc must be tremendously liberating. I certainly don't judge people either way - I have very high maintenance friends who wouldn't go to the corner shop without makeup and friends who have never worn makeup in their lives. I'm somewhere inbetween I guess!

I do agree with the looking clean and tidy gives a good impression professionally though

[WillowFae]

I make sure my hair looks reasonable but that's it. What's the point in other stuff if it won't make a difference - as I put it to a friend when we were talking about this, it's just a case of mutton dressed up as lamb.

[maybeyoushoulddrive]

X-posted. Yes I'd love to be happy with how I look naturally - it must rub off in so many other areas, self-confidence etc. I'm naturally large enormously busted, have bad skin, wavy hair, wear glasses and terrible teeth due to an accident. If I felt presentable then I'm sure I wouldn't feel the need to titivate quite so much. Equally I'm lazy so don't do anywhere near the amount of maintenance womens mags demand

[Fakebook]

Hmm, I don't care about the way I look in places that are hidden. So like my legs and stomach...I make sure my hands and face are as neat as can be. I love getting my eyebrows threaded, it makes me feel like a proper woman. I don't wear makeup apart from. Light foundation to even up my skin tone. Oh and I thread my upper lip and chin because I don't want to look like a man! So I suppose I do care about the way I look. Shoot me!

[JodieHarsh]

IME, people who are content with their level of attractiveness make the least effort with their appearance.

OP, I would guess that you are conventionally attractive (you have no trouble with your figure, a statement with which only about 3% of womankind can identify!) and if you only cut your hair once a year, you have long hair. You do not say you check the mirror for spots etc., but for jam. You are 30.

From this I deduce that you are young, slender, long-haired and clear-skinned.

I assure you, if you were ageing, had shit hair, were overweight and had the complexion of a gum-spotted pavement, you would care much more!

[tenlittlebuns]

It never occurred to me to think about what I looked like until I was about 39. Since then I've taken a lot more care, especially with regard to my clothes and getting my hair cut. Still don't really do make-up. (Around this time I moved to a new area and my new friends nearly all take care over their appearance; and I started reading Mumsnet and realised that people think it's quite important.)

Now I look back at that time, pre-40, and feel it was wonderful and liberating ? I got to focus on other things and never spent time or energy on looking good. But at the same time, I feel a bit sad ? I feel that some component of womanhood has passed me by and that I never got to enjoy the pleasure of looking good when I was younger.

[StrawberryMonkey]

I think it's fab you don't have too much interest in personal appearance!
I don't much care about mine either. Rarely wear makeup. Happy in jeans and t-shirt every day. I try to remember to brush my hair. Always clean with clean clothes but can't abide this personal appearance obsession so much of society has currently.
I try to encourage my children to believe life is more about happiness, what you do, how you use your time on not so much focus on personal appearance beyond being clean and tidy for health reasons!

[JodieHarsh]

Incidentally, I take a lot of care over my appearance (not always successfully).

I am never, ever, ever seen without makeup, and I never wear casual clothes (like jeans or tracksuit bottoms and uggs etc).

This is not an indication that I think I'm well gorge and care loads about appearances. This is because I am cripplingly insecure about being a fat chick who used to rely on a beautiful face but now doesn't even have that.

So...yeah. It's not as simple as the OP makes out!

[StrawberryMonkey]

Oh, and the scales say I am overweight. But I am still not bothered because I'm blessed with good health and am physically fit. So long as I can run around with my kids and climb trees or fences where necessary that's fine.
I am in my 40's.

Life is for living. Not looking in mirrors!!!