AIBU to enter the London Marathon when DH doesn't want me to?

[Loueytb3]

I'm turning 40 next April and for some insane reason, I thought it would be a good idea to do the London Marathon which is shortly before my birthday. I love running, but have never done anything longer than 10 miles.

DH is adamant I shouldn't do it. He thinks the training will be too much and it is selfish to even consider it (I think he also thinks I'm going to drop dead during the race?)

So, WIBU to enter anyway? I think I would only seriously have to start training after Christmas, so 4 months or so of solid training. From what I can tell (please someone correct me if I'm wrong), its mostly going to impact at the weekend as I will need to do one longer run a week and realistically this is going to have to be at the weekend. The other runs I should be able to fit in during the day around work.

(I haven't got a place btw, but would try and get a charity place if possible.)

Is his problem the thought that you'll have less time for him? Or that you'll achieve something he hasn't?

It's not selfish - my dh isn't training for the marathon but he still runs a couple of times a week, he loves it, it's great for his health - he's 7 minute miling at the minute which is pretty good and he gets a 10 mile in at weekends.

It's only selfish if your dh doesn't have equal access to leisure time, so just make sure you divide it fairly.

Otherwise - you go girl

Well, in practical terms, it will be about six or seven hours a week where you have to concentrate on yourself, so it could be deemed selfish. But if it all fits in around work and won't impact anyone else except for a long run on one day at the weekend, then it's no real biggie, is it? The other weekend day can be your rest day.

If dh can't let you have two hours to yourself each weekend, then I suspect it may not be you that's being selfish.

That said, I think you may be on a losing battle to get a charity place now. I always forget and miss the ballot, and end up in this position!

I think it is a great aim for your 40th. If you already run, it's not going to make that much difference, tbh.

It sounds like your DH is being unreasonable, but I can see his point (aside from the dropping down dead bit, you're more likely to do that crossing the road).

The training is a big commitment, but really doesn't take up too much time - your long run at the weekend will build up to 22-24 miles, which takes most people under 4.5 hours or so. This only happens once or twice and most long runs are in the 13-18 mile range, so 2-3 hours. Out of 48 hours of weekend that's not a huge amount! Can you find a schedule on runners world or similar and show your DH how much time it'll take from your weekend?

Also, maybe consider agreeing to slot your runs in at antisocial times. DH runs marathons and will often get up early to long run so he's back by 10.30 and we've only lost a small part of the functional weekend.

It's also worth bearing in mind that you'll need one complete rest day (normally the day after your long run) which means there will be one weekend day where you aren't out running.

It'll be hard to train without him on board, but he is being unreasonable. Also, I'm not sure how many charities have places left now - maybe do your research on that before having a discussion argument about it.

Good luck!

I think its a good idea and unless you have half a dozen kids you'll be expecting him to do everything for whilst you're out every single night I can't see what's selfish about it.

I'd be adamant that my husband didn't say what I should or shouldn't do.

If he's that fussy about it, just tell him you'll get up at five of a Sunday and be back to cook his breakfast.

Orange - I think in part its because he will be looking after DCs (we've got 3, one with ASD). He won't do any exercise despite me suggesting it nagging him (Although to be fair, he has got a dodgy ankle which he is finally getting sorted, so that could change). I've always said that he should have his own leisure time but he's a lazy git by nature. My DM had a heart attack relatively young so I think that's where that comment came from but he was trying to use it as a scare tactic

It looks as though there may be places available for the miscarriage association, which I would be interested in running for as I had one a few years ago (and made some lovely friends on here in the aftermath).

I will have a look on runnersworld and see what the training schedule will be. I've got an achilles problem at the moment but was doing about 25k a week before that stopped me.

I can see his point but YANBU if you're planning on fitting it around your existing schedule so it doesn't take up half a weekend day and most evenings. Good luck getting a place!

YABU...but it is a BIG undertaking.
Do you have DCs? I trained for the London Marathon with two young DCs and I very much needed the support of my DH for childcare on the weekends while I went out to run for 3 hours etc, every weekend. It is perhaps a lot to ask of a partner that you disappear for that long every weekend, especially if there are DCs, but I would never tell you not to go for it because it is an absolutely amazing experience.
Although training plans will kick in after christmas, you should definitely start before Christmas to build up your 'base' of running miles (now, if you can). Also, to go from 10 miles to 26 will be a big step - perhaps do a half marathon first, show your DP you can do that and handle the training, then sign up for London?
I would say that the training is very hard, you will be running most days, and quite a lot of it psychologically tough (ie - making yourself run in the cold and dark, when you're tired, and you've got a niggling injury etc etc), and you will need the support of those around you for those moments. I hope you can show your DP you can do it and he comes round because it's not actually on the day when the huge crowds cheer you on you need the support, it's on the rainy Tuesday in February when it's 2 degrees outside and you're supposed to run 11 miles and you've got a cold... HTH...lots of luck....

Well I trained 8 hours a week for a year for a half marathon. He has a point about the training and about how much time it takes if you ate already a busy couple.

Would you be ok with him being out 8-10 hours a week on a spur of the moment thought? More if you don't actually run at the moment. Or mind him impacting weekends for 4 months? If you would happily let him then fair enough.

I think you may struggle to get a place this close though.

Sorry - you answered my questions while I was typing. Hope your achilles is due to clear up soon. Another factor to consider is I think you will regret not doing it and potentially resent your DH from stopping you...

Good luck with your target. It sounds as if you have to have your husband's permission to enter the Marathon. Devise a form of application to have some time to yourself until the Marathon, complete it, add a covering letter saying how proud your children will be of their mother when you finish and post it to him.

It might show him how he's coming across.

YANBU for wanting to run the London Marathon.

Your DH is BU for wanting you NOT to run it.

Yes, it will be hard and time consuming to fit in the training. However, it will benefit not only your charity, but yourself - mentally and physically.

I agree with above poster - get signed up for a half first, and show that you can do that and then go on to do the London. If you can already run 10 miles that is a good start.

Am a bit as I fancy it, but after my half earlier this year I truly don't know if I could face doing that distance. But you never know!!

Good luck.

YABU - and I say this as someone who has run it several times -including twice with 2 pre-schoolers

BUT -if you work full time then you will need a lot of support from him during the evenings and weekends. You will need to be training at least 3 times a week, and the longest run will be up to 3.5 hours by the end.

so you do need him fully onboard - can you start doing some light training now? this will prove that you're serious and also enhance your preparation (4 months from Xmas is do-able but not ideal). Maybe do some early morning training (I can sometimes be back from a run before anyone's up) to prove to both of you that you an minimise the impact on the family?

We have three kids. One with ADHD and aspergers, and one with cerebral palsy (and an nt one, obv). When the youngest (the one with cp) was three months old, I went back to work most weekends (left on a plane on the Friday night and came back on Sunday night) and left dh with three pre-schoolers, one with a serious disability.

I think your dh can quite possibly manage a couple of hours on a Sunday on his tod. Ad if he can't, it's about bloody time he learned how to.

Oh, and my dm had a stroke at 32. She is in a shocking physical state, and I use that rather as evidence that I need to exercise more, not less.

SORRY - I meant to write YANBU. Denitely NOT. Oops

It is also not just the time spent training but that when you get back you will be knackered and might not feel like doing anything. My dh did a long bike race earlier this year and after he had got back from his 4 hour ride he was barely able to move off the sofa as he was tired.
Maybe try a half marathon first.

Oh he can manage it - he just doesn't want to

The injury is Achilles tendonpathy and I've been told it can take 3 months to sort. I'm having physio and doing exercises which should (fingers crossed) sort it. I'm having severe withdrawal symptoms from not running and it's not even been 2 weeks yet I can run on it fine but its sore on longer runs.

I work from home 1 day a week and can do a run then. I can also do runs in my lunch hour at work as we have a gym/shower there (very lucky I know). I can do one run with DS3 in the running buggy but that would have to be a shorter run. It's when work gets manic that I will struggle and would have to do some runs in the evening. I may try and sell it to him by saying I will do the long weekend run v early in the morning so it doesn't impact too much on the day. It will definitely curtail my weekend drinking

YANBU. At all!

I did a marathon last year and the only real change of schedule was the long run on a weekend, which I usually did on a Saturday so I had the Sunday to recover. As the longest "long" run you're likely to do will take around four hours, that's not really eating into your weekend THAT much.
And the three shorter runs during the week can be fitted around work and existing commitments, surely.

The only thing I would say is that there is a big, big gap between a half marathon and a full. Far more than the gap between a 10k and a half, in my opinion. I'd really try and build your base up long before Christmas and get at least one half marathon under your belt before then.

Going from 10 miles to a full marathon in four months, without risking injury and exhaustion, will be a big ask. Good luck though, it'll be one of the most fantastic things you ever do.

Hmm, running can be quite a selfish activity - I am married to a keen runner and when the DC were very small I used to get very fed up with it. But I wouldn't like to hold him back from doing something he really wanted. What would be most important to me (as his partner) would be that he did the training properly, didn't train with an injury, and so didn't take any risks with his health.

What MsElisaDay said...

Definately you can do it but you may be underestimating the training you need to do. I used to get up at 4.30am and run before the kids got up. If you are committed you will do it and you will not be sorry.

Good luck.

I've run a few marathons and if you start training now for London you have plenty of time. Just train smart, not hard. Also, I've had 2 charity places for London and wasn't notified until January - so you can start training regardless. Have you considered a smaller marathon that is easier to get into?

This is what I did per week when I ran my best time - see if it takes up too much time for your lifestyle:

1. 1 or 2 x 5 mile interval runs (40 mins)
2. One threshold run (just slightly faster than you'd like) (20 - 25 mins)
3. One long slow run (start at an hour and build up to 3, only doing 3 x 3 hour runs)

I think YANBU btw.

Also to be honest I found the fundraising just as taxing as the training - something to consider.

Do it - it's a once in a lifetime thing....except it probably won't be because once you've done one you'll want to do another.

If you can comfortably run 10 miles then you are already a good, strong runner and have a huge head start on beginners.

Everyone will tell you something different re. training. I never ran more than 16 miles in my training and still made good times.

Just to warn you (although i'm sure you know) that charities usually expect 1.5 to 2k in sponsorship.