The wedding is booked and paid for. Our friends have forked out for hen/stag dos, accommodation and probably gifts. If I called it off now I would feel terrible.
But I can't shake this feeling that I might be making a mistake. I don't know what to do.
I live DP, we've been together 11 years, engaged 9 and only just had the money to enable us to get married. We also have 3 DCs. Why I'm with him - he makes me laugh, he's very funny and sometimes I can't stay mad at him. We also have a lot of history and on a practical level he is a hard worker with a good job and owns his own home. Most importantly he is a good father.
BUT - he is very traditional re women's/mans roles in the house. I do everything and the cast majority of child care. I don't mind this being a SAHM but he won't help on weekends. I can't talk to him either because of his fundamental view about what my role should be. I notice this is a common theme on here though so maybe I should accept it? Perhaps he can be trained?
He acts like I should be grateful for him allowing me to live in his house. I find this very upsetting. He will sometimes accuse me of being lazy when the house is a mess but I can never get it to his standards and he underestimates how long things take and how hard it can be looking after a toddler all day. He thinks I shouldn't take her to classes etc until the house is spotless, but, I think it's good for her and the house will only get messed up again. I do my best. I also volunteer two mornings a week.
I'm beginning to lose my attraction for him. He's not a conventionally good looking bloke anyway but I have always found him physically attractive. Recently though, something has changed. His fears turn my stomach and sometimes when we're laid in bed and I've been breathing his fumes for hours I feel stabby. He eats with his mouth full. People post pictures of him drunk on FB and he looks a mess. It's embarrassing. I don't go out drinking with him anymore because he's a total teat when drunk. He's a selfish lover. I very rarely finish so to speak.
None of these things are massive issues in themselves but we are arguing a lot more recently. That could be because of the stress of the wedding, or it could be that I joined MN a couple of months ago and my views are starting to change re what is acceptable in a relationship. But I also worry that we are just incompatible and it will never work. I've changed since we met. Or is this all just cold feet and normal thought processes when it sinks in that this will be the only man I will ever be with, for the rest of my life?
I have issues with men anyway so it's not like I think I can find better. What do I do?