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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To only invite one twin to ds birthday party?

35 replies

ilikeyoursleeves · 06/10/2012 20:54

Ds is turning 5 in a few weeks and he's having a party at home. Due to space at home, I decided to only invite the boys from his class. However there is a pair of twins, boy and girl, so AIBU to only invite the boy and not the girl?

OP posts:
JazzAnnNonMouse · 06/10/2012 20:55

Yanbu, you're only having boys and that's a fair reason

IneedAsockamnesty · 06/10/2012 20:56

yanbu. twins are also indervidual people

DIYapprentice · 06/10/2012 20:56

I don't think so. If you were inviting a mixed group then I think you should invite both twins. But a boys only party ie exactly that!

pictish · 06/10/2012 20:58

Yanbu.

Besom · 06/10/2012 20:58

I think it's fine.

chutneypig · 06/10/2012 20:58

YANBU in the slightest. I have 5 year old b/g twins, they have different friends and more often than not one is invited and the other isn't. They only tend to both be invited when it's a whole class party.

candr · 06/10/2012 21:00

If you don't want to invite both then don't. They are two different people not half of the same person. The boy will prob like some time away from his sister and give parents some one on one time with their daughter. I hated 'pity' invites when my twin sister's friends invited me too as they felt they should.

Hulababy · 06/10/2012 21:00

I think it is perfectly okay to invite the child who your DS is friends with and not the other.

myhandslooksoold · 06/10/2012 21:00

Sounds fine to me. You're not expecting parents to stay I guess? I would just make it clear on invite by letting parents know the 'pick up time'

NimChimpsky · 06/10/2012 21:01

There are b/g twins in dd's class and now we're moving away from whole class parties, only one is being invited to the odd party. It IS hard for the other one actually but it's not unreasonable at all.

bubby64 · 06/10/2012 21:03

I have B B twins, and, although, of course, they were usually both invited, there have been the odd occassion when one hasn't been, and I (and they) were fine with it. They are now 11yrs, in different forms at High School, and have different friends, so the past stood them in good sted for the present situation.

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 06/10/2012 21:43

Yanbu.. ..my niece and nephew are twins and aren't always asked to the same party.

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts · 06/10/2012 21:43

My DD is friends with one of a set of girl twins....but not the other....I'm dreading this! I may just invite both.

HolyAutumnGoldBatman · 06/10/2012 21:45

YANBU to only invite one twin.

YABU to only invite boys.

Is your DS friends with ALL the boys in his class and NO girls? Why didn't you ask your DS who he wanted to invite?

EvilTwins · 06/10/2012 21:47

I have ID DTDs. YANBU to only invite one twin. IMO party invitations should always be about who the birthday child is friends with.

AlwaysHoldingOnToStarbug · 06/10/2012 21:50

YANBU. I have twins (but both boys) and as they were in separate classes one would get invited to a party and the other wouldn't. It didn't bother me. The one not invited would moan but I pointed out they can't always do everything together, they have to learn.

babybarrister · 06/10/2012 21:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ilikeyoursleeves · 06/10/2012 22:04

Holy autumn, I did ask ds and he said all the boys in his class! He is going through an 'I don't like girls' phase so I'm happy not to invite them. Plus I don't live in a mansion so have to draw the line somewhere.

OP posts:
QuintessentialShadows · 06/10/2012 22:10

It is perfectly fine for boys to invite only boys and girls to invite only girls, especially if space is limited. It is less "exclusive" if you don one gender only, as ALL the girls are left out, nobody will FEEL left out.

It is customary in ds2s class to invite all of your own gender, and one or two of the other that they play with especially. In his class there is 10 of each, which means all boys invited and maybe 2 girls, which is fine. And the other way around.

I am sure this little boys twin sister would be invited to other parties. Also, nice for one of them to get special quality time with parents on their own.

DoubleMum · 06/10/2012 22:11

I had the same issue, it was only a few girls and I only invited the girl twin, but I did have a word with the mum to make sure he wouldn't be offended.

PandorasSocks · 06/10/2012 22:13

I have boy/girl twins and it's a useful, if painful, lesson to learn early on ie that they are individuals who have/do different things.

My twins are now almost 8 and it doesn't bother them in the slightest anymore Smile

OpheliaBumps · 06/10/2012 22:15

Yanbu, I've got b/g twins and never assume both are invited unless the invite clearly says so, i always check if it's just the twin of the same sex as the birthday child, or both.

jellybeans · 06/10/2012 22:15

I have b/b twins and they are always invited to the same parties. Only once they weren't and one was very upset (my son was excluded due to his minor disability! Neither went as they don't like the child as he bullys them. But it is fine for you to choose who to invite and the parents choice whether they will attend. I personally would feel abit mean only inviting one of small twins but OK for junior age and upwards.

HolyAutumnGoldBatman · 06/10/2012 22:16

'It is perfectly fine for boys to invite only boys '

If they only play with boys and are better friends with ALL the boys that are invited than ANY of the girls who are not invited. Otherwise, you're inviting children to a birthday party on the basis of their gentials being the same as the birthday childs and that is ridiculous.

QuintessentialShadows · 06/10/2012 22:24

Why is that ridiculous?

It is actually quite fair, and nobody really feels left out.