Censorship and DD3's teacher... AIBU?

[NoNoNora]

Yesterday evening DD3's teacher called to voice her concerns about how appropriate the programmes we let her watch are. DD3 is ten and for all four DDs we haven't paid any attention to ratings, they'll watch what we watch and we won't question what they want to watch during their TV time (unless a fight breaks out between them), none of them are at all traumatised or have nightmares and they always voice their fears and/or leave the room if something is too much for them.
The latest craze at DD3's school is top trump cards and she took DD2's Buffy ones in last week (DD2 is at uni so DD3 has the run of her bedroom and belongings). As a family we all watch Buffy together and have done since it first started, we own the DVDs and the girls have grown up watching it. Of course there are things that the younger ones don't pick up on (i.e. much of the sixth season) but DP and I feel that it is a very positive programme for our girls to watch.
DD3's teacher did not agree with our view. She confiscated the cards for the day on Friday and then called me that evening. Apparently she was concerned that our older girls had been showing 'innapropriate' programmes to the younger ones. I explained that we watched Buffy as a family and I had given her permission to take the cards into school. She then proceeded to explain the importance to ratings and the problems with 'desensitising' children to violence and sex. I was flabbergasted and promised not to let DD3 take the cards into school again but maintained that I was doing nothing wrong in my parenting.

I can't be the only mum who thinks like this? DP is incredibly anti-censorship and wants to send her in with DD2's much more graphic 'Angel' cards on Monday, with a note to the (and I quote) "fascists".

There is a mixed reaction to you letting them watch buffy. I'd say it's not so bad, and I'd probably let a ten year old watch the early series (but then I have only seen the tv version). But EVERYBODY thinks you would be incredibly unreasonable and abusive to let a seven year old watch the human centepide or similar and I wholeheartedly agree.
You can raise your children however you want up to a certain point, but as a pp pointed out letting a child watch porn is legally classsed as sexual abuse you can't do this and if you are caught doing it, you could have your kids taken off you. (I know you haven't actually done this so I'm not trying to say you should have your kids taken off you!)

ShutTheFrontDoor- No, it's because they are supported and secure and have been nurtured enough to ask questions and voice concerns when they are unsure/scared.

I think it IS abuse actually. You need to get your head out of your arse and do the right thing by your kids.

I don't censor much and would happily let my lot watch Buffy if they liked that kind of bollocks but thankfully they don't. I'm actually gobsmacked that people think its so terrible it's Dr Who with boobies basically.
But no, I'd not let a primary sch

primary sch

OP, can I ask how old you are? And how old is your DP?

I'm 48 and DP is 49.

if you are showing them films with a sexual content it is actually an offence - www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/2003/42/section/12 if those films are graphic you are on shaky ground

Primary school child watch saw or any type if porn. That is a whole different board game. But I've seen Buffy in the tv listings long before the watershed. If it was truly bad they wouldn't show it. But then my kids adore family guy and South Park. Thank God they are too clever to tell a teacher tho.

gets

But WHY would you want to allow your kids to be exposed to anything like that at that age? That leaves them 'unsure/scared'?

There's a massive difference between kids discovering that sometimes, bad things happen, and then having an age appropriate conversation to allay their fears etc - and deliberately allowing them to be exposed, from a young age, to material that is absolutely NOT meant for young children. One's normal parenting. One is at best neglectful and a worst abusive.

zeeboo, there is a huge difference between the edited pre watershed Buffy and the 15 rated dvd. I've let a 7 year old watch a 12 before (bend it like beckham) but a 15 is in a different league.

Just googled 'human centipede' yeah, you show that to a child and you are clearly wrong in the head. I wouldn't let my adult son being that into my home never mind let the kids see it.

and "if it's too much for them they leave the room"

Eugh.

Awful.

Lazy, awful parenting.

Eugh again.

I have watched all the Buffy and Angel series and it gets dark and very adult as it goes on. The monsters get more sinister, the killings more graphic, the emotional relationships more complicated. First series is a bit silly but still wholly unnecessary for a 10 yo. Why would they need to watch it? There is so much more they can watch.

So you'll let them watch Saw if they can can articulate why they need to watch it? Give them a decent classic book instead. That's what tv was called before it was invented. Let their minds make the story instead of the gratuitous violence of films.

And for the record - YABU. You're their parent not their über kool mate. Be a parent. Watching such images can screw with perceptions, attitudes and emotions later down the line. Watching immediate reactions from the sidelines won't pick up on long term effects. Intelligence maturity is one thing, emotional maturity is something different. Grow up, be parents and set the boundaries

I don't think your children have been 'nurtured'

I think they have been neglected

Emotionally abused

And sexually abused

Torture porn is not suitable for children and if you insist that you think it is you are either a liar or very poorly educated.

Wearing green yes I get you but I'd assume the top trumps cards were completely sanitised and I think the teacher made a bit too much of it.

zeeboo
"Thank God they are too clever to tell a teacher tho."

I doubt that they are that clever, more that it doesn't come up in general conversation.

What a load of rubbish! Your children don't need to abide by conventional age limits because they are so clever and secure and emotionally expressive, unlike the rest of us presumably? It's almost laughable, if it wasn't so sad.

I was very much traumatised by things I saw on TV/video as a child, I still remember them. Having my lovely mum there didn't make any difference.

And, being proud of desensitizing your children to violence by the age of 10 (or let's face it, much younger as you have watched many series with this child)? I am honestly speechless.

I find being anti-censorship very odd.

I've always censored what my DC are exposed to.Almost constantly since the moment they are born. Obviously there are times that I have to trust other adults will do that for me. I wouldn't want DC exposed to inappropriate things at school or friends houses.

I think the teacher has a point.

NoNoNora - I am really unsure what to think of this thread and your reactions (or non-reactions) to some of what others are asking, suggesting and pointing out.

You used the word "censorship" in original post. An interesting choice of word in this context.

How have you framed this in your discussions with yr youngest dds? Have you shown support to the school and an understanding of why they think it is inappropriate for her to bring material into school like that? I know you would not want to create or even suggest to dd3 that there is an issue between you and her teacher.

I am presuming dp has not criticised the teacher to them and I sincerely "facist" was not used in front of them in relation to this? Of course if it was - I would suppose you would have a long family discussion as to the origin of that word and how it should be correctly applied.

NNN - can you see any sense in what others are highlighting to you??

Criminal minds is on in the day, I wouldn't let me kids watch that either!!

It doesn't work like that, though, OP.

Dc watch upsetting & unsuitable stuff - they don't necesarily 'voice concerns' there & then. Adults don't, either. It takes time to filter through. Quite often time spent alone, or even asleep when it manifests itself as dreams. Or at school when they share it with their peers.

I suspect your dd's teacher didn't just ring you about the trading cards, put it that way - sounds like an ongoing concern.

I can see where you're coming from with wanting to watch stuff with them & discuss it, but, to be blunt, you don't come across as very concerned or knowledgable about the effects of graphic images on a young child's brain.