Censorship and DD3's teacher... AIBU?

[NoNoNora]

Yesterday evening DD3's teacher called to voice her concerns about how appropriate the programmes we let her watch are. DD3 is ten and for all four DDs we haven't paid any attention to ratings, they'll watch what we watch and we won't question what they want to watch during their TV time (unless a fight breaks out between them), none of them are at all traumatised or have nightmares and they always voice their fears and/or leave the room if something is too much for them.
The latest craze at DD3's school is top trump cards and she took DD2's Buffy ones in last week (DD2 is at uni so DD3 has the run of her bedroom and belongings). As a family we all watch Buffy together and have done since it first started, we own the DVDs and the girls have grown up watching it. Of course there are things that the younger ones don't pick up on (i.e. much of the sixth season) but DP and I feel that it is a very positive programme for our girls to watch.
DD3's teacher did not agree with our view. She confiscated the cards for the day on Friday and then called me that evening. Apparently she was concerned that our older girls had been showing 'innapropriate' programmes to the younger ones. I explained that we watched Buffy as a family and I had given her permission to take the cards into school. She then proceeded to explain the importance to ratings and the problems with 'desensitising' children to violence and sex. I was flabbergasted and promised not to let DD3 take the cards into school again but maintained that I was doing nothing wrong in my parenting.

I can't be the only mum who thinks like this? DP is incredibly anti-censorship and wants to send her in with DD2's much more graphic 'Angel' cards on Monday, with a note to the (and I quote) "fascists".

OP - I'm not going to have a go at you, but I will advise you to reconsider your stance on this one.
Your dd can't process these images and ideas - she is 10 and hasn't lived...she has nothing to compare it to, nothing to provide any context? Do you see what I mean?
She can't be told it, she's got to know it!

Come on OP - please....censoring inappropriate imagery isn't talking down to kids, it's protecting them from things they have no hope of understanding. It is not yet their time to understand. That comes later...when they are no longer children.

Your job is to be the grown up, and make those choices for her. I also oppose censorship OP, it may interest you to know, but I'm an adult and I have context and maturity on my side.

Thing is its not just the gore and horror but the sexual content of 18 rated movies. Showing a sexual movie to a child is classed as abuse and you could well have police knocking too, alongside ss

I have an 11 year old who comes home from school asking about programmes/films that are inappropriate for his age. He's heard of Saw and he's definitely not going to watch it until he's much older.

There's plenty of 12a stuff to watch - why go for 15 material?

Does anyone know why Gremlins is a 15? Is it because there was no 12 at the time it came out?

OP

What are you going to do when your children are the ones that are avoided by other children when their parents tell them to stay away as your kids are the ones with the reputation for bringing in the undesirable materials?

YABU and idiotic and immature.

Ratings aren't there to spoil your fun or to make you look like the cool parent who ignores them. They are there because watching violent programmes actually changes the person you are, it hardwires you in a way that you wouldn't be if you were allowed to be a kid and watch the vast array of age appropriate programmes that are available. Huge amounts of research have been done into this.

joking aside, im a bit hmmm at most ratings and am often surprised by how they choose, in my house 18's are off the table compleatly unless your 18 but anything under that gets watched by me and i decide who its suitable for.

and i wouldnt bat an eyelid at csi but have never seen the dvd version of buffy only the tv ones and i never minded the kids watching the tv version

OP, I don't believe that you all sit down to watch these types of things in the way you describe, with you and your DP vigilantly watching the DCs for signs of stress, and the whole family having a good old intellectual debate after the showing about the various merits of what you've just seen. I simply don't believe it is ever like that when your children are watching these things. I think it's more likely that they just get whatever they want off the shelf and shove it in the machine without you having any clue what they're watching!

Yes, I do believe I'm right (for my situation, for my childrens' maturity and intelligence levels) and the teacher is wrong. I'm very surprised at the reaction this thread has gotten.

The teacher isn't bu.

Even if your daughters are unaffected, the teacher needs to take the safe option and act in the interests of the majority and shield the other kids from inappropriate movies. At our school, they ask permission to show pg films to year 4s. How did you think they would react to 15 material?

This would be a matter for the child protection officer at a school.

I'm going to be blunt. You are not parenting your children well if you do not set appropriate boundaries for their protection and safety. Kids need parents to look after them not be their 'mates'.

Your husband sounds like a nob.

I'm not one to follow guidelines blindly, OP. I believe that I know my children best, and I decide what they watch. But you and your DH sound like a pair of eejits.

Do you understand anything at all about the developing brain? Do you know that a child's emotions when they watch these things will not be the same as yours? Do you realise that the part of their brain that gives them empathy and adult understanding is nowhere near fully developed yet, and won't be until their mid-twenties?

If you are going to 'stick it to the man' and make parenting choices that go against conventional wisdom then at least do your fucking research.

OP

are you right for everybody elses situation and children's maturity/ intelligence levels?

My eldest is nearly 11. The thought of sitting through Saw with him....well no. Just no. I love the fact that he's a child, an innocent, and sees good in the world and feels secure. I don't want his vibe assaulted by images designed to be frightening or sickening! Why do you need that at 11?

You can have the worlds most intelligent 8 year old - it still doesn't make them emotionally mature

Childhoods are such magical times. It's a shame to expose them to the harsher realities of life so early on when there is no need to

There will be children who watch or play 15/18 material at home but their parents won't be lectured as they are not bringing it in.

Your children's maturity and intelligence levels

Deluded. Children are children - they have many differences but far more similarities. If you cannot live you lives in an age appropriate way I would suggest you are lacking the requisite common sense to decide whether your children can cope with these images.

BTW exposing children to emotionally damaging violent or sexual images is emotional abuse. Watching Hostel with a 10 year old would be child abuse.

Well, with nearly a hundred people disagreeing you're going to have to have a serious think about it.

Yet again in your last post you seem to think that because your children are 'intelligent' it means they can cognitively understand sexual violence/abuse better and be less affected by it - you are very wrong on this.

OP is a numpty.

Like HerculePoirot, I deal with the fallout from children whose parents won't parent responsibly every day.

amistillsexy- Well yes, actually we do discuss what they are watching and anything harder than Buffy is watched as a family. The DDs don't watch TV all day (usually about an hour each after school and then something in the evening) and someone is usually in the room with them when they're watching TV.

Actually - FFS look after your kids. Take your responsibilities seriously. OOO so angry. Am thinking of a Year 4 boy I taught who was blue under the eyes and when I asked him, he said he was tired because his dad watched Gladiator in the boy's bedroom because mum was watching something else downstairs. He was then too scared and upset to sleep. When I asked him whether he told his dad that he didn't like the film, that poor little boy said no because I don't want my dad to think I'm a baby.

So sad.

op would you seriously let your small children watch saw or films that featured enough sexual content to be classed as soft porn?

Yes, I do believe I'm right (for my situation, for my childrens' maturity and intelligence levels) and the teacher is wrong. I'm very surprised at the reaction this thread has gotten.
Aah so it's because your children are intelligent that they can deal with the abuse?

You are not right. Do you understand why so many people are telling you that you are wrong? It's because you are. You are very, very wrong.

Thank God for your DC's teacher. Someone has to point out the right things for them because their parents apparently won't or can't.

So OP do you not understand that this is a child protection issue, or are you just skimming over any negative comments because clearly you are the only right one here

Again - wow. Not only do you seem unbelievably naive, but you're also completely blind to the 118+ poster suggesting that maybe Saw isn't appropriate viewing for a child.

I hope - and I never ever thought I'd say this - that someone at school HAS flagged your conversation as a concern.