Censorship and DD3's teacher... AIBU?

[NoNoNora]

Yesterday evening DD3's teacher called to voice her concerns about how appropriate the programmes we let her watch are. DD3 is ten and for all four DDs we haven't paid any attention to ratings, they'll watch what we watch and we won't question what they want to watch during their TV time (unless a fight breaks out between them), none of them are at all traumatised or have nightmares and they always voice their fears and/or leave the room if something is too much for them.
The latest craze at DD3's school is top trump cards and she took DD2's Buffy ones in last week (DD2 is at uni so DD3 has the run of her bedroom and belongings). As a family we all watch Buffy together and have done since it first started, we own the DVDs and the girls have grown up watching it. Of course there are things that the younger ones don't pick up on (i.e. much of the sixth season) but DP and I feel that it is a very positive programme for our girls to watch.
DD3's teacher did not agree with our view. She confiscated the cards for the day on Friday and then called me that evening. Apparently she was concerned that our older girls had been showing 'innapropriate' programmes to the younger ones. I explained that we watched Buffy as a family and I had given her permission to take the cards into school. She then proceeded to explain the importance to ratings and the problems with 'desensitising' children to violence and sex. I was flabbergasted and promised not to let DD3 take the cards into school again but maintained that I was doing nothing wrong in my parenting.

I can't be the only mum who thinks like this? DP is incredibly anti-censorship and wants to send her in with DD2's much more graphic 'Angel' cards on Monday, with a note to the (and I quote) "fascists".

DelhiCalling
Very seriously. Do not google it, you are better off not knowing.

Boney, I just did. I feel sick, it is appalling.it terrifies me that films like this could exist, I think I'll move myself and kids to a remote island :(

Op yabvvvu.

For those saying "Buffy isn't that bad" RTFT. Buffy is just one of the shows this OP feels is appropriate viewing for a 10 year old. In fact the OP has said herself that there is basically no TV show/film that she wouldn't allow them to watch if they asked.

My nearly 13 yo year 8 dd came rushing in last week all excited that Madagasgar 3 is out soon.

Am I doing something wrong?

Fakebook glad it isnt just me!

Bit - no you're doing great - I was excited when toy story three came out and I'm much older than 13 :)

SecretCermonials
"... im with seeley booth on clowns, shoot the feckers! "

" I was allowed to watch anything at all, allowed to stay up late, had no routine at all. Can't comment for anyone else, but in my case it was just a symptom of the fact that my parents never saw me as a child, a person who has different needs to an adult. That has damaged me irreparably."
I think that is a very good point, fuzzpig. It does bother me that the OP believes that 6 and 10 year olds are competent to have a dialogue about, and request to see, media that many adults would find challenging (Saw, Hostel etc.). As if they are adults, albeit miniature ones. Children do have different needs. It is not in their interests to be desensitised to violence/perversity, and I hope the OP can rethink her approach to this matter.

I was horror struck at toy story 3 when they were in furnace. Tears and everything. I was 26 yrs old at time!!

Bit my DD is ten and has been looking forward to *Good luck Charlie so if that makes her prissy that's fine. I don't see why prostitution or peep shows need any place in her knowledge at ten.

Sorry not a dig at Bit, I was agreeing with you.

bit forget your 13 year old, I'm excited about Madagascar 3 too (I'm a grown woman)

fuzzpig thats soooooo touching thanks for sharing

people are responding to the OP as though she was leaving a pile of horror/porn DVDs next to a TV in her child's bedroom and closing the door

She's made it clear that her children watch TV in a family area, that the amount of TV they watch is restricted and that anything beyond "normal family viewing" that they want to watch would be talked about first. She has said that theoretically there is nothing she would stop them watching but it would be under her close supervision. That's a theoretical stance based on what she has already said about detailed discussions with her dcs first. I would expect a responsible parent to steer the dcs away from some of the films mentioned, but I suspect, like a lot of us on here, the OP is not fully aware of just how horrific some of these films are. I would expect a responsible parent to do a bit of research on this and steer the dcs accordingly. The OP seems to me to be a responsible parent trying to educate her dcs to make choices about what is appropriate for them and not just dictating to them.

The reality is that if they want to watch a horror/porn film then there is always someone's older sibling who is able to get it for them. By talking to the children and giving them sensible views on why something might not be age appropriate (or even appropriate for any age!) then you are giving them agency in their own lives and they are more likely to decline any invitations to watch.

Thats is not what op said At all you might want to re read the post

catsrus

That may well be what the OP is putting forward but what some of us are saying is that the teacher is responsible for 25+ children whose parents may not want their children to find out about Saw, The human catapilar, buffy, Angel and firefly.

The OP may not like her choices questioned but (as has been said upthread) she is also taking choices away from other parents.

Just as an FYI I had to get parental permission to show the last five minutes of the last episode of Blackadder goes forth to secondary school children for rememberance day.

And yes there where several parents who said no.

"and that anything beyond "normal family viewing" that they want to watch would be talked about first"

Actually she said "torture porn" would be talked about first, things that are beyond "normal family viewing" are already being watched.

I guess - like most posters - I think it's really not good parenting to expose children as young as OP's to scenes of rape (in Buffy) and prostitution (Firefly and Carnivale), both of which OP has explicitly said her children watch/have watch. 'Torture porn' aside (and I accept OP is saying she hasn't yet had a conversation where her SC have asked to watch films like that) - scenes of rape and prostitution are ok for kids? Really?

they've been desensitised. And you seem to think this is a good thing?

It's a pity the OP hasn't come back, I would really like to hear what she thinks about so many of us disagreeing with her when she had pretty much assumed that we would agree.

Oddly enough, her not coming back has made me think about another current thread where many MNers have mentioned that they feel differently, or at least better informed, about some topics since coming to MN; through hearing other viewpoints that they weren't exposed to in their real lives. Perhaps NoNoNora will ponder this matter over the next few days, having heard opinions other than her husband's; I hope so.

"I would really like to hear what she thinks about so many of us disagreeing with her when she had pretty much assumed that we would agree."

Apparently us disagreeing with her just proves to her she is right

MrsWolowitz
That's the difference between me and the OP, I'm happy that by 5 and 9 year old are still a bit molly-coddled and naive.

Real life imposes on childhood soon enough - I was a bit upset the other day when I had to explain to my 9 year old why our train was delayed due to a person under a train further along the track.