Censorship and DD3's teacher... AIBU?

[NoNoNora]

Yesterday evening DD3's teacher called to voice her concerns about how appropriate the programmes we let her watch are. DD3 is ten and for all four DDs we haven't paid any attention to ratings, they'll watch what we watch and we won't question what they want to watch during their TV time (unless a fight breaks out between them), none of them are at all traumatised or have nightmares and they always voice their fears and/or leave the room if something is too much for them.
The latest craze at DD3's school is top trump cards and she took DD2's Buffy ones in last week (DD2 is at uni so DD3 has the run of her bedroom and belongings). As a family we all watch Buffy together and have done since it first started, we own the DVDs and the girls have grown up watching it. Of course there are things that the younger ones don't pick up on (i.e. much of the sixth season) but DP and I feel that it is a very positive programme for our girls to watch.
DD3's teacher did not agree with our view. She confiscated the cards for the day on Friday and then called me that evening. Apparently she was concerned that our older girls had been showing 'innapropriate' programmes to the younger ones. I explained that we watched Buffy as a family and I had given her permission to take the cards into school. She then proceeded to explain the importance to ratings and the problems with 'desensitising' children to violence and sex. I was flabbergasted and promised not to let DD3 take the cards into school again but maintained that I was doing nothing wrong in my parenting.

I can't be the only mum who thinks like this? DP is incredibly anti-censorship and wants to send her in with DD2's much more graphic 'Angel' cards on Monday, with a note to the (and I quote) "fascists".

Never mind the pictures on the card what about the trading and almost gambling that goes on with these cards. It's not the harmless game people think it is!!!! Kids loose valuable cards, are bullied or forced to hand them over, they r ripped off during "swapsies" . Ban them altogether .

Quiet

Whether or not posters on this thread are "ignorant" is one thing but the OP is removing parenting choices from other parents.

It starts like this and ends up with movies on mobile phones.

Would you want your child to be subjected to the human catapilar on an iphone because the OP had had a discussion with her child and it was ok with her?

"Fascist?"

You are very "desensitised" yourself. If you like horror so much, borrow a couple of history books from the library and find out what that word really means.

For the record, my mother let me watch 18 rated horror films when I was under 10. I would be okay while I was watching because my mother was there. I trouble with nightmares nights and weeks later, though.

Out of curiosity, OP, what do you're RL life friends think of your choices?

I don't know if I'm being naive or even PFB but I don't want DS to even knowfms like the himan centipede exists, for as long as possible. I do not beleive it's possible for a 10 year old to fully understand what is wrong with that film, or to understand properly what is going on. They're children. They don't need to see shit like that.

As for Buffy; I'm a huge fan, but I still wouldn't want DS watching it till he's at least on his early teens. Some of it is quite frightening, and there are some verydark episodes.

We used to watch Buffy every week as a family when I was a younger, my youngest siblings would have been 4/5 at the time. My parents were very strict on programmes that could have a negative influence, Buffy's a family show and it has very positive messages of courage, fighting evil, protecting innocent people and female equality. The teacher is an idiot and I'm shocked at how many people are in agreement with her.

Ignore the loonies, some people will look for inappropriateness in anything, tell the teacher that you know better than she does, if she wants to raise children in a prissy bubble that would make Mary Whitehouse proud, she is entitled to breed, you'll raise your kids for the 21 century.

Don't give in, I had a teacher as a kid who tried to raise hell because I had written a story in class about my parents taking me to a gay rights march. My parents were accused of exposing us to the evils of sodomy and sin... the usual nonsense. My father charged in and told her that she could do whatever she likes with her own but he would raise us properly and to mind her own narrow minded business.

You are the parent here, you're in the right, stick up for yourself and continue raising your children in an open manner. They'll be much better, braver, nicer and happier people for it.

Letting your child watch 18 rated films is now the same at taking them on a gay rights march?

That is priceless.

And kot wanting your child exposed to the themes in horror films, and the grim images, does not make me 'living in a prissy bubble'. How fucking rude.

cat 'family' shows do not have eyes gouged out, rape, murder and demonic possession.

You are not being naive or PFB EasilyBored.

I'm not a loon looking for offence, and I don't have prissy children catwoman.

Young children watching graphic violence (and the OP isn't just talking about Buffy) won't make them into better, braver, nicer or happier adults.

Do you let your young children watch violent adult films?

OP - you do realise that parents like you and your DH actually play into the hands of those who campaign for more censorship? Any day now, one of them will stumble across this thread and use it as more evidence for why adult viewing should be more tightly restricted.

You are also deeply unpopular amongst film makers because if they wish to make a film for mainstream release, they have to consider not just their target audience, but also the naive and neglectful who are willing to let 10 year olds watch material that is totally unsuitable for them.

You are not unreasonable to let your child watch some episodes of Buffy, but suggesting that you'd let your child watch Hostel, Saw etc. suggests you either haven't seen these films, or are so busy trying to be the cool kids that you've forgotten you are first and foremost parents.

They cannot be braver,nicer,better or anything that requires depth of emotion because by the op's own admission she has rid them of it and is proud of that fact.

Yes, catwoman watching graphic violence for no other reason than to support some half baked anti censorship ideal is exactly the same as taking children on a gay rights march. .

Oh and my children are not in the least "prissy" because I have ommited to expose them to violence and porn.

I'm with your DD' s teacher, your parenting sounds misguided.

catwomanlikesmeatballs

The TV version of buffy (as has been stysted several times) was heavily edited. If the OP wants to bring her children up this way then fine, be she should not be taking away the choices of other parents.

Hmm, although these parents are in a minority, there are clearly quite a few of them out there. It does explain some of the sick things that happen in our world.

Some adults think it is their 'right' as a parent to expose their children to graphic images of violence. There is no way to protect children in those environments and presumably they will parent their own children the same way.

These parents are not willing, or perhaps are unable, to open their minds to the possibility that it could be damaging. After all, there has been plenty of research on this subject and information is easy to find if you look for it.

OP (and others with the same opinion) why not ask someone like Childline, Oxfam, Save the Children, etc. whether they think it is appropriate to let a 6 or 10 year old watch images of human torture and see what they say. Don't take our word for it, find out for yourselves.

I watched films like Nightmare on Elm Street and The Poltergeist with my brothers and sister when I was younger, probably aged 4 or 5. They were all much older than me so I had easy access. I was absolutely terrified of Freddy Kruger, and still am to this day, so I don't believe you get desensitised to gore. I do however love horror films like The Ring or The Grudge.

FWIW, I turned out ok even though I'd seen quite a few horror films before I was 18. I have also watched The Human Centipede (everyone was talking about it at work, so decided to see what it was about). I thought it was absolutely disgusting and really shocked that someone could have such a warped mind to fathom such a story/concept.

My DS (8yo) watches The Big Bang Theory and recently the Red Dwarf countdown which was on Dave during the day. He aldi watches Top Gear. I was surprised to find some BBT and Red Dwarf are rated 15 on the DVDs. I'm sure some of the TG ones are too.

For this reason I wouldn't allow him to watch it with friends over but would be annoyed if the school told me he shouldn't be watching it. He has TG trump cards and has had them for years.

I am just as surprised that Buffy is also a 15 as its on at 6pm. Im not convinced its any worse than Dr Who - which incidentally scares DS!!!

I was allowed to watch (with an older friend) nightmare on elm street, the chucky doll (childsplay?)films, IT (about the clown) and jaws all at age 5-6. The nightmare on elm street films and "freddys nightmares" the tv series, i was allowed to Watch much like my own DS watches roary! As a parent i find my own mothers choices in this matter absolutely lazy and bloody ridiculous.

At the time child's play scared me so much I couldn't have any dolls anywhere near me, and the IT film instilled a lifelong fear of clowns. im with seeley booth on clowns, shoot the feckers!

Nightmare on elm street was ok until i suddenly realised what it was about, then had violent nightmares for months. Jaws I only watched once so I dont think it affected me as much, and I do have to confess its one of my favourites as an adult.

I do think my mum was a bit of a twat about it given the nature of the films, however that said I wouldnt stop my own child watching jurrassic park when he is a bit older / shows an interest as i feel that is natural history, murder based horror films are entirely unnatural and therefore reserved for adulthood.
I still get the creeps when i hear "one two freddys coming for you"

I think in the OPs case it depends exactly what the children are permitted to view and with whom. I do agree that things are rated for a reason. DS is almost three I would let him watch jurrassic park but not jaws, and i can safely say films like
The ring, and the human centipede, hostel etc (true gory horror) I wouldnt let him watch until late teens as they genuinely scared me! Its about the levels of violence and understanding!

For example DP and I settled down to watch "legend" which is a PG film from our yoof with tom cruise about unicorns etc, as it was a pg and we both thought we remembered the plot we let DS start to watch... Thankfully he fell asleep! The plot is darker than either of us remembered and the main baddys helper BLIX (google him) is one scary fecker!! Just hows how we remember things!

As for taking material / items relating to a home experience to school Id be a bit pissed off if my child was shown something I considered inappropriate as my child may be more sensitive than the OPs, and shouldn't be at risk of exposure to materials I may not agree with in a safe environment, it shouldnt be something I as a parent have to worry about, so I think the teacher was not at all unreasonable.

youare
The Buffy that is on at 6pm is heavily edited to make it suitable pre-watershed. The DVDs are not edited and have a higher rating.

If you let your children watch violent horror films, or other adult material, how do you explain it?I mean; there is so much on the news at the minute - violence in the middle east, missing children, governments being prosecuted for torture - how do you explain all the goings on in the world, and how wrong they are, but then 'oh, but it's OK to watch similar fictional events for entertainment'? It just doesn't make sense to me.

I was allowed to watch anything at all, allowed to stay up late, had no routine at all. Can't comment for anyone else, but in my case it was just a symptom of the fact that my parents never saw me as a child, a person who has different needs to an adult. That has damaged me irreparably.

secretceremonials I still get creeped out by the "one two freddys coming for you" tune. I hate singing one two buckle my shoe to dd.

Yabu. You sound ridiculous and are stealing your children's innocence with these films, as well as other parents kids.

I don't know what human centipede is, I wouldn't watch any of these horrible sounding films and I'm an adult.