Censorship and DD3's teacher... AIBU?

[NoNoNora]

Yesterday evening DD3's teacher called to voice her concerns about how appropriate the programmes we let her watch are. DD3 is ten and for all four DDs we haven't paid any attention to ratings, they'll watch what we watch and we won't question what they want to watch during their TV time (unless a fight breaks out between them), none of them are at all traumatised or have nightmares and they always voice their fears and/or leave the room if something is too much for them.
The latest craze at DD3's school is top trump cards and she took DD2's Buffy ones in last week (DD2 is at uni so DD3 has the run of her bedroom and belongings). As a family we all watch Buffy together and have done since it first started, we own the DVDs and the girls have grown up watching it. Of course there are things that the younger ones don't pick up on (i.e. much of the sixth season) but DP and I feel that it is a very positive programme for our girls to watch.
DD3's teacher did not agree with our view. She confiscated the cards for the day on Friday and then called me that evening. Apparently she was concerned that our older girls had been showing 'innapropriate' programmes to the younger ones. I explained that we watched Buffy as a family and I had given her permission to take the cards into school. She then proceeded to explain the importance to ratings and the problems with 'desensitising' children to violence and sex. I was flabbergasted and promised not to let DD3 take the cards into school again but maintained that I was doing nothing wrong in my parenting.

I can't be the only mum who thinks like this? DP is incredibly anti-censorship and wants to send her in with DD2's much more graphic 'Angel' cards on Monday, with a note to the (and I quote) "fascists".

They aspire to be strong, empowered women. Women who are respected and not cast as victims and damsels.

The Disney film Brave would do that!!

Oh and they feel same about 12/16/18 films would not let their younger siblings watch and would check about pg with me first and only if I viewed a pg first it would I then decide if it's approaite for the younger dc

I'm a bit confused by the age ratings for the Buffy box sets. IIRC the first showings were on Sky. Buffy was on 8-9, Angel directly after at 9-10. We used to watch them in the Mess the rush to the club before the doors shut at 1015!

Isn't the watershed 9?

Anyway. I have the boxsets and have let DD (7) watch most of the first series. Some I have skipped because I am enough of a Buffy Geek to know what is coming up. Things I don't feel are suitable for DD.

I don't see the problem with the Top Trumps, really. There are scarier pictures posted in the windows of Game, and unless the other children in the class have seen Buffy, surely they wouldn't understand the write-ups?

I've read the thread and think the accusations of child abuse are a bit daft. If the OP was actually letting her children watch Saw and the like it would be different, but I think it's more just posturing on OPs part.

OP, I wouldn't condem you for allowing your DC to watch Buffy. I think the teacher overreacted to the TT Cards, I hope you really won't let your kids watch torture-porn etc and I think you have probably enjoyed this flaming a little too much

I've never seen Buffy so I don't know what its like. I wouldn't let a 10yo watch Saw, its too graphic. My 4 and 2yo watch the first 4 Harry Potters (after that I feel the bad language and violence comes into it a bit) and Jurassic Park. I've also allowed my 4yo to watch One Born Every Minute, what's wrong with a child knowing how babies are born? And anyway there's no graphic shots. I think parents should exercise some censorship over their children's viewing but I suppose everybodys idea of appropriate viewing is different!

I've just read a few more of your posts and think you are a slack twisted neglectful parent. What person in their right mind allows a 7 and 10 year old child to watch such stuff? You might think your kids are dealing with all the adult themes really well on the surface but in fact they are being deeply influenced and effected by everything you show them. I expect the teacher has noticed DD general behavior with peers and has quickly realised that she has been de-sensulised. To make such a phone call she must be seriously concerned. Why would you choose to show them such grown up stuff when in fact they could be watching lovely warm and fun age appropriate things?

My 4yo is allowed to watch buffy- she loves it.

I however don't allow her to watch the Disney channel.

IMO there are much more damaging programmes and images in the media that aren't 15s/18s.

YANBU for letting them watch Buffy. Fabulous female role models. But seasons 6 &7 are a bit more adult. And it is annoying and confusing when someone tries to raise an issue with you and you just dont see what the issue is.

But I don't agree with the other stuff you have said. But then I don't agree with a lot of what has been said on this thread.

I remember not being affected by films with older ratings. I just didn't understand why certain things were horrible. The violence didn't bother me because I knew it wasnt real. I think a lot of children are better at making that distinction than adults think. However, watching WW2 documentaries at school gave me nightmares a plenty because it was real.

I think that the teacher is doing what I would probably do in her situation. She is erring on the side of caution because that's her job. And everything that Dallas said.

I used to love Buffy still do not entirely suitable for small children but a group of teens saving the world is mOre preferable to the nonsense spouted and brattish behaviour shown on many god awful shows aimed at children. Cbeebies is banned from my house for that very reason. Grandpa in my pocket is far creepier than Buffy. I dont think that anyone needed to make such a big deal out of it. It's some cards.

You sound like my DSC mum - watching Sex and the city with DSD at 11 and thinking it was v sophisticated. DSD also developed an eating disorder and finds it impossible to form intimate relationships.

You are doing them a lot of harm. I suspect the teacher ( who was spot on) felt the need to talk to you in person as your child has been displaying certain behaviour. You are on v shaky ground here and you need to wise up to the reality of what you are doing. Your children are clearly not the happy, content emotionally stable people you say they are. They will be emotionally disturbed.
You will be the house the other parents write on here about; "DD has been allowed to watch hostel at a sleepover at X house , they are 11! " But I suspect that you and your DP will love that reputation. ESP your DP as I feel he is dominant here and has introduced this way of thinking.
Also your whole life seems to revolve around TV shows. Weird.

I think it's naive to say that a 10yr old can watch anything as long as you sit down and discuss the film afterwards

A 10yr old doesn't have the emotional capacity to process things like rape and torture in the way an adult does and all the explaining in the world wont make them understand precisely because they are so young and not emotionally ready for it, it's like trying to explain the laws of realitivity to a 5yr old.

So you have let your 7 and 10 year old watch the rape scene in series 6

That is monumentally depressing to read and incredibly damaging for them. It's too complicated a relationship for them to understand.

What you have done is very wrong and I suggest you refer to Camhs or a good psychologist to get some help to undo some of this harm.

Teacher right

Parents epic fail. It's not fair on all those parents who don't want their own kids damaged by your laziness & inability to set boundaries.

Teachers have to consider the welfare of the whole class. Home education is an option for you if you want to pursue your pysch experiment on your own children.

Wow, you and your DH are just So Cool. I'm mighty impressed with how wonderfully liberal and thoughtful your parenting is. You go get those fascists child protection fools, trying to, err, protect children.

"Yes, I do believe I'm right (for my situation, for my childrens' maturity and intelligence levels) and the teacher is wrong. I'm very surprised at the reaction this thread has gotten."

I'm speechless at your naivety

Doesn't it occur to you that perhaps you might be wrong or are you one of those people who dig their heels in the more someone says no?

DD had a child in her class at primary school who was allowed to stay up until all hours and watch inappropriate TV. It caused raised eyebrows among the teachers and other parents. This child is considered odd because of some of the things he comes out with (from watching inappropriate TV). Some children weren't allowed to play at his house because they didn't trust the parents.

Do you want this for your children? Also, do you want your family to be known as the "troublesome" family to the school? Do you want to be the talk of the staffroom because of your parenting?

You need to be realistic because this will label your children whether you like it or not.

I've just googled the plot to the Serbian film as had not heard of it. Your fucking sick if you would consider even watching this yourself never mind your children!

Good on you, OP. Your kids, your rules; the school can confiscate the cards if they are against the school rules, but I'd be proper pissed off if I got a lecture from the teacher.

Yabu. Not about buffy, but about saw and hostel (although I cannot see how these are torture porn, that's been bugging me all thread....)

I was allowed to watch pretty much what I wanted when I was younger. I had years of sleep terrors and a pretty fucked up view of sex. The sex was just from BBC dramas my mum watched, but they really did Fuck me up a bit.

Do try to be more responsible, eh?

Oh and you can't have heard of a Serbian film, nobody sane would even have that near their house, the thought if children watching it makes me want to faint

Maynie

I am laughing because OP I agree with her. You think you're so cutting edge and sussed doncha? You and dp - the 'thinking' parents.
This varied cross selection of society says no. You're wrong.
This doesn't make you unique and special or anything either, you rebels you...it's not political...it's just a parenting issue, and we all share that in common here.

Be glad the teacher noticed. You can be assured she is looking out for all your kids. She did the right thing.

You have got to speak to your social warrior partner and tell him you have been misguided.
Stick it to the man all you like - I'll come too, but don't view your kids as the army. They're just kids. Let them have their innocence.

"Do you want this for your children? Also, do you want your family to be known as the "troublesome" family to the school? Do you want to be the talk of the staffroom because of your parenting? "

Sadly I think they do, yes.

The buffy stuff I would let slide if was edited. Erosion but for god sakes Siberian film?!?!? I felt suck just reading the write up!

I work as a mid-day at our nice middle class school - they do a Y6 yearbook - each child's entry has their fave TV show as well as other stuff - you would be surprised how many put CSI or Russell Howard's good News as their fave.

I've had 6 and 7 year olds come up and talk about watching SawIV with their brother/sister - watching Futurama and other more adult based shows too - I do think it is sad.....

when can kids be kids - mine was teased mercilessly for putting Phineas and Ferb and Blue Peter as favourite cartoon and TV show... instead of Beavis and Butthead and CSI Miami.....

You have turned your disagreement with authorities and "censorship" into a psychological experiment with your own children.

You WILL try expand the boundaries, BECAUSE these ratings are there, and you so hate others giving recommendations you see it as censorship and your childrens civil liberties being impinged upon. To regain control, and to feel that you as parents, as people have control, you subject your own little children to highly inappropriate viewing, and you justify it. Because NO authority can tell YOU what to do. Your husband hates his job, hates others having authoritiy over him, so he plain and simple go let his children watch Silent Witness and Buffy to rebel.

Really mature. Really adult. Really Good thinking.

You simply will not let your children watch age appropriate films because that would be like your husband bowing to the authorities in the work place.
Or, it means you yourself would be bored stiff watching Tracy Beaker, or E.T type films and programs and you wont do that, when YOU want to watch Silent Witness, ER, Human Centiped, Blair Witch Project.

You children dont know any better.
In fact you have turned THEM into an employee bowing to authority. YOUR authority, in that they have to watch your taste of movies.

Good luck.

My mum was told off for letting me read Enid Blyton by a teacher.
Is this the same thing?

I think the teacher was doing her job and it's worked insofar as she has made you think about these issues (although obviously you had done so already).

I think there is a big difference between censorship (or non-censorship) and controlled viewing (making decisions based on ratings, checking stuff out for yourself first).

I have found www.kids-in-mind.com/ to be very useful in helping me decide whether or not stuff is suitable or absolutely out of the question. Sometimes it depends on age, sometimes it's the child.

Later series of Buffy were cut to ribbons for the 6pm showing, to the extent that some episodes were several minutes shorter than the uncut version. OP says the children "grew up" watching Buffy, so presumably saw it for the first time at a much younger age than 10.

Still, if these emotionally well adjusted kids can find the Master funny after watching a graphic close up of him breaking Buffy's neck (slow motion - alternative universe) and be completely unaffected by attempted rape, a recurring character being graphically flayed alive by "one of the good guys", another main character having an eye gouged out, shots of Buffy's decomposing corpse in her grave, two harrowing episodes dealing with the sudden deaths of main characters (one a parent), all on top of the weekly scenes of vampires / monsters killing people - well, that's OK, isn't it?