To ask just what are you DOING in there?

[LizzieVereker]

In the toilet cubicles, I mean? Had a nice day out today with DP and DCs and had to use public loos. Massive queues in ladies, as per, but everyone seemed to be in the cubicle for HOURS. Long enough to have taken all their clothes off and put them back on. What takes so long? Or does a full bladder make time slow down? Or am I just the world's faster wee-er?

I have this theory that there is a glitch in the space-time continuum between one side of the loo door and the other. So that when you're weeing, it feels like it's over in a matter of seconds - but when you're waiting on the other side of the space-time continuum door, it feels like minutes.

The same rule can be applied to train-station/airport time: it speeds up as soon as you step into departures, I tell you.

I think there's some part of me that says: I had to wait ages, you bastards, I shall take all the time I want so sod you all.

And then the cycle is perpetuated by the next in line.

Is it just me or do other people NEVER poo in a public toilet? I shudder at the thought of it...

I have so wondered this - even now when I have a DS to take in with me we are out pretty quickly.
I think some people go in their to read their phones, make work calls? I wonder if some are doing their hair & make up rather than do it outside the cubicles ?

ihatethecold should never ever buy anything from the bread/cake counter in Tescos in Stow-on-the-Wold, because I can say with certainty that one of their male employees doesn't wash his paws after pooing. And Stow is terribly naice, too.

"It seriously makes me cringe when people don't wash their hands after using the lav"

That used to get me too, but then I watched something on discovery where they discovered that liquid soaps in public loos are actually just as bacteria ridden as your hands, so there's no sodding point in wshing them I still do out of habit though and the thought that people will think I'm a scummer At home I don't wash after every pee though, it's not like I wee on my hands

I can't wee if people are listening, and poo?! Hell no. I make sure dp can't hear me (though he always says, "er, I've watched you give birth") can only poo at home. PS I sincerely do NOT wish to know what people are doing in public loos that takes so long! Wanking?

I fear, after finding an empty sandwich wrapper and orange juice bottle in a cubicle today, that some people are having luncheon in there. Perhaps they are afraid of people seeing them eat AND of hearing them wee or poo. Poor, fear stricken cubicle hoggers.

Must remember never to shop at Tesco's in stow on the wold

I'm such a quick wee-er that I've had complete strangers congratulate and thank me for being so speedy

Me ? Offended? Nah!

bet I've offended a few nostrils though

I'm such a quick wee-er that I've been known to pee on my hands while wiping

I always try to have a poo in a public toilet, it saves me soiling my own loo

I stand in the queue saying "come on ladies, wee and wipe, off we go"

I know what you mean OP. I get the rage whilst waiting for these people to just get on with it.

I think that there should be a fast track queue for those who want to wee and go. Second queue for those who want to poo, reapply make up, eat lunch, fiddle with phone, fiddle with complex underwear, compose iambic pentameters etc..

Some people can only poo naked? Ye godfathers, what's the world coming to.

God YANBU it drives me fucking insane. I am in and out of a public loo within 2 mins max. I don't think I have ever pooed in one - I find them utterly grotesque and wouldn't linger in there for all the money you could pay me.

And as for washing hands - I don't need to and often don't bother because there's clearly no decent washing facilities/soap (check on the way in). I've got my no-touch routine honed to perfection... push door open with foot, close and lock with loo roll from loo-roll holder/my bag, pee whilst hovering over seat, wipe with loo roll as before (I've always got a tissue or loo roll in bag). Then, using another bit of loo roll; flush loo, open door and chuck bit of loo roll into flushing loo. No bit of me has touched any bit of the toilet/surround.

I just don't understand why on earth you would linger. The smell makes me want to vomit.

I always try to have a poo in a public toilet, it saves me soiling my own loo. I aim to use the work loos for this purpose- plus they don't stink and are clean

I do however get 'nervous' bladder ishoos in public loos when there is a massive queue outside (particularly at the theatre), I can't help it, it take me longer in this situation!

GoldenSeptember, I applaud your method. You can have a special badge and join my new, fastrackwee queue.

"Water of Life"

Exactly what I do Golden, exept I wash myhabds,turn on tap with tissuse, wash, turn off tap with tissue, throw, use new tissue to open toilet entrance door. Thats where most of germs are too.

Also pump soap dispenser with new bitof tissue

This drives me insane too. I was at a conference the other week where they had very inadequate women's toilet facilities . I was waiting outside the two cubicles with a colleague (and a long queue behind us). One woman was doing the world's longest wee - it was like a horse and went on forever. When she had finished, she gave an enormous sigh and then three quick staccato farts before having a good rustle in her shopping bag for something, before finishing with a loud and rasping fart, flushing and opening the door. My colleague and I were nearly pissing ourselves crying with laughter at this point. She gathered up her bags and walked straight out - no hand washing at all. But she was French, and I've yet to see a French woman wash her hands after using the loo.