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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel that most females have been the victim of some kind of sexual abuse?

638 replies

SoleSource · 05/10/2012 14:46

AIBU?

I was very nearly raped by a taxi driver. Also my cries of NO have been ignored on a couple of occasions.

OP posts:
MaBaya · 05/10/2012 18:58

Yes, have been flashed at several times, starting at the age of 14 yrs old. I have been groped several times (breasts, bum) on the tube and in busy clubs/bars (somebody actually inserted their fingers in me at a festival...turned around and saw a gang of guys just smiling benignly, no idea who did it).

I was raped repeatedly within a relationship as a young woman, although at the time I didnt realise it was rape, sadly.

I have had two taxi drivers proposition me aggressively and felt each time I had only narrowly avoided assault.

There are so many examples, really. Quite depressing!

sittinginthesun · 05/10/2012 18:59

Scary assault. (iPhone, sorry!)

FreudiansGoldSlipper · 05/10/2012 18:59

forgot about the flashing and the taxi driver stopping the cab and saying this is how far he would go but i could change his mind, fucker stopped in the middle of wimbledon common i was 17 very young looking and i was around 9 at night in the middle of a freezing winter evening :(

fuck it is never ending

MrsRobertDuvallHasRosacea · 05/10/2012 19:02

I have been very lucky.
Nothing to report here.
And I am in my fifties.
I lived in Leeds when the Ripper was around, and remember the fear which gripped the city. A horrible feeling.

LineRunner · 05/10/2012 19:08

I remember that, MrsDuvall. The Ripper was thought to be from the North-East so it gripped everyone here as well. Not going out after dark meant being trapped inside or getting taxis after 3pm in the winter, one year.

Loonytoonie · 05/10/2012 19:15

My brother attempted penetrative sex for several years with me, from the age of about 6 I think (he was 6 years older). I'd sit with my back against the door and legs against a chest of drawers, to stop him from getting at me. And all along he'd hiss "slut" or "slag" at me through the broken door. He always managed to get me eventually though.Sad

On a bus to a gymnastic demonstration when I was about 13. Most of the other gymnasts were quite street-wise and gobby whereas I was always shy and quiet. They egged another lad on the bus to 'have a go' at me and I ended up pinned against the floor and the back seat while we forced his tongue in my mouth and masturbated against my clothes. The girls thought it was hysterical. I'll never forget you, Tonya and Erika.

My first long-term boyfriend whom I adored. He was the jealous type. On a hot summers day, he accused me of looking and lusting after a pedestrian we drove past - he happened to have his top of. When we got home, he forced his finger inside me to see if I was 'wet', thus to prove that I was lying.

This is the first time I've ever told anyone about this.

God.

Bicnod · 05/10/2012 19:15

IME YANBU :(

mirry2 · 05/10/2012 19:16

I had so many experiences when I was younger. I just thought it was the norm thh.
I remember 'prickteaser' was a common remark made to me when I didn't want sex. It used to really embarrass me and make me feel small and naive.

GoldShip · 05/10/2012 19:20

Loonytunie that's awful you poor poor thing. I hope you're okay.

Your second story reminded me of when I was walking home one day and 3 boys pinned me down on the floor and was trying to shove their tongues in my mouth. One of them said 'have you ever been ragged' and roughly thrust himself on me a few times. It felt like hours and they kept letting me get up but then pinning me back down again.

This is one of the reasons why I buried myself in martial arts and street fighting. No man no matter how big could do that go me now.

QueenStromba · 05/10/2012 19:23

Come to think of it I can add several more experiences to my previous post. I've had a few taxi drivers who have tried it on with me quite aggressively and made me feel rather scared. There was also the time where I was walking from Park Street in Bristol to Temple Meads train station at 7/8 on a Saturday morning because I couldn't get a taxi after being out clubbing all night. There was a car just stopped at the side of the road, I walked past him and he started following me slowly. I'm thankful that I was sober enough to notice this and realise that he probably didn't have good intentions. I'm also grateful that there was a young man about 100 meters away on the other side of the road. I ran to catch up with him and explained that I was being followed, as soon as I did that the car sped away. That man was fantastic and walked me right to the entrance of the station because he could see how shaken up I was about it. I shudder to think what might have happened to me if he wasn't there.

Original poster
SoleSource · 05/10/2012 19:26

Just :( and Angry

I feel low

OP posts:
Shesparkles · 05/10/2012 19:28

Going by those who have already posted I'm either very very "lucky" or very very scary. I can honestly say, hand on heart that I've never experienced anything of this nature.
I'm so sorry for those of you who have though, I do understand the long lasting effects it can have x

MadBusLady · 05/10/2012 19:29

Ok, I have hesitated about saying this too, but...

I get that the "lucky" thing removes all trace of victim-blaming. But on the other hand it reinforces this general sense of doom, as if we're all cowering waiting to be assaulted unless we are very "lucky".

I don't think we should do that.

I have not been "lucky", I have led a normal, non-sexually assaulted life and I start from the position of hoping/expecting that to be the case for everyone. I think it's important to start from there. We should be angry, not low.

fuckadoodlepoopoo · 05/10/2012 19:32

I wonder how many males have been victim of some kind of sexual abuse?

I did group therapy for sexual abuse and there were plenty of men there who had been abused by women, and also plenty of women there who had been abused by other women.

I have also always found that when out for the evening drinking women often think its fine to grab a mans bum or even his genital area and see that as just a laugh. But of course done to them it is sexual assault.

FromEsme · 05/10/2012 19:34

yes, why bother talking about women's experience when there are men out there not being talked about?

KatieScarlett2833 · 05/10/2012 19:37

I've been flashed at.

Once while staying with a friend I woke up at 4am when my friends next door neighbour tried to get into bed with me. He was persistent but I got away unscathed.

There but for the grace of God....

GoldShip · 05/10/2012 19:38

Fromesme - no need for that was there?

fuckadoodle made an interesting point.

Original poster
SoleSource · 05/10/2012 19:39

Was the neighbour male or female Katie, did he/she break into the house? :(

OP posts:
Original poster
SoleSource · 05/10/2012 19:41

I am ignorant if the official procdures for sex offenders but does anybody believe they can be rehabilitated? Isnt it just their natures and can never be changed/re-educated?

OP posts:
KatieScarlett2833 · 05/10/2012 19:42

It was a he and yes he did break in.

We had been yakking over the fence to him earlier.....

GobHoblin · 05/10/2012 19:43

It only occured to me about 10 years ago that the locum doctor that i saw when i was 16 and wanted to go on the pill had no reason whatsoever to examine my breasts. I didnt feel violated at the time as i thought thats just what had to be done. Its only since it makes me feel sick and wonder if he's still doing it

Original poster
SoleSource · 05/10/2012 19:44

Shit. did you have him prosecuted Katie or anything?

OP posts:
Original poster
SoleSource · 05/10/2012 19:46

A GP gave me a smear test in my early twenties. I always wondered whether he was being inappropriate or not. There was just me abd him. This was about 1995.

OP posts:
AllPastYears · 05/10/2012 19:46

Loony, that's horrible. Sad How do you get on with your family in the wake of that?

AppleCatchers · 05/10/2012 19:46

I was raped was seeing a guy we walked across a field as it was a short cut to the street I thought I was safe with him obviously not never reported it cos I some how felt to blame I also think I was in denial that I was actually raped never told a soul but did lose respect for myself for a while, its not something I like think about. If similar happened dd when older I would be out for blood.