to feel that most females have been the victim of some kind of sexual abuse?

[SoleSource]

AIBU?

I was very nearly raped by a taxi driver. Also my cries of NO have been ignored on a couple of occasions.

In the 1970s I was regularly sexually assaulted by a GP who I now realise was grooming me as he wanted me in every 2 weeks to fondle check my breasts as they would give some indication of heart disease .
As soon as the penny dropped I changed doctors and told my new GP. She advised me not to report it as it would cause me a lot of anxiety and nobody would beleive me. I'm sure she was right. How times have changed!

There's more than I have posted tbh, but it would fill a long page.

I'm just glad that I no longer quietly accept this as normal, despite it being a constant presence around me.

All women I know well enough to discuss it in real life with have some really bad stories.

Is anyone else appalled at the level of self entitlement to women's bodies that some men have ? Flashing, groping, lewd looks & comments seem to be almost the norm. Unless we start calling these out for what they are, ie unacceptable sexual behaviour levelled at women, then it's never going to improve.

Sickened by the number of posters who have experienced this and worse but sadly not surprised.

I was reading this thinking how lucky I am that I never had any unwanted sexual experiences when suddenly I remembered the male 'friend' who led me away at a party when I was rolling drunk, locked us on the bathroom and pushed my head up and down repeatedly on his penis, my first ever experience (ha!) of a blow job. I was 18 and ridiculously inexperienced and had absolutely no idea what he was doing or how to stop it. Then I remembered the other 'friend' who got into my bed and refused to get out until I gave him a hand job... And the other male friends when I was 16 and 17 who used to regularly grope our breasts as a way if showing affection...

God I was naive!!! My friends and I just accepted it as normal!!! And ok!

Obviously a million miles from the awful awful things I have just read on here :( but I am shocked nonetheless that I thought these things were ok back then, even though they made me feel gross and icky.

Oh and my best friend was date raped by a guy when she was 20, she was drunk and he kindly took her home then got into her bed, got on top of her, did his business and left. Again, at the time we all just made a kind of shocked gossipy joke about it.. We were appalled but it didn't actually occur to us that it was, technically, sex without (any) consent. Looking back, I can't believe we weren't more clued up.

I think YABU

And it never fails to amaze me that lots of MNers think the opposite.

Maybe I, my friends and my family have just been lucky, but I honestly don't think so.

I think you get a skewed cross section on here for some reason.

I have no idea how common it is, but just wanted to say that although I've regretted numerous sexual encounters and I've been followed off a bus by a very drunk bloke who wanted to get it on with me, I've never suffered a real unwanted sexual attack.

blistory it is sickening. I'm also shocked at how more and more women think its acceptable to do the same to men, like they're 'fair game'. They should know how it feels.

Oh god yanbu.

I've thought about this a lot of late as i genuinely fear for my two dd's in this world. I've had so many instances that i'm sure no-one would believe me. The worst was having my drink spiked abd being assaulted in a toilet. I went to the police who were next to useless but weirdly because i cant remember it very well at all i'm not as effected by it.

A guy wanking right up in front of my face when i was 11, i reported him as a flasher, it wasnt until i learned about masterbation that i realised the full extent of that incident.

A group of us all crashed after a party at a friends house. A lad came in trying it on but my male friend burst in and kicked him out and walked me home at 5am.

I worked in a pub that has two floors, i was upstairs clearing up when a guy came in and blocked the doorway and i knew instantly what he planned. Thank god with every fibre of my being my boyfriend at the time chose to visit me as a surprise and came in behind this guy. I still get chills thinking about that.

The one that i cannot shift in my mind. My friend and i went abroad and she hooked up with a guy from a big male group in a neighbouring apartment. One night she decided to stay with him in his bed and i'd begged her not to, she assured me she was safe etc and this lad promises to look after her. My friend refused to come back and told me to leave the apartment door open for her. I woke up with this guy lying on me scrambling around pulling my knickers off. It was a guy from the group obviously knowing i was alone with the door open. He was kissing me and touching me and i was frozen to the bed. I was absolutely petrified but said 'let me just lock the door so my friend wont come in' and he agreed. I ran for my friend and she laughed .

even now she tells everyone i was 'naughty' on holiday and her parents laugh at my 'antics' which makes me feel sick.

YABU to think that most have. Some might have, yes but it's definitely not the norm.
I never have, not even any unwanted advances or flashes.

Why are you still friends with her??

In my lifetime I've been flashed, suffered an attempted rape (stranger in a dark alley that I managed to fight off), sexually assaulted by a taxi driver, had to reject four different bosses sexual advances, and groped by various strangers.
I don't think I'm a "victim" type (if there actually is one) and by that i mean only that i was able to physically fight off several attacks, and in many cases I was wearing what would be considered "frumpy" clothes, so it's not like any Daily Mail reader could say I brought it on myself by dressing/acting like a "slut".
My point is this; whilst there seem to be some "lucky" ones on this thread, if each of us had only been assaulted once, and our subsequent assaults directed at others, then actually I think that most females would have been sexually abused at some stage.

YANBU.
Guess I'm one of the 'unlucky' ones too.

'while these experiences may be a lot more common than society at large would think, they are nonetheless NOT our inevitable fate'

This.

Almost nothing in my case; a couple of gropes and some stuff with boyfriends that was more about being unable to assert myself tbh. And one tiny one that disturbed me disproportionately, and by doing so I think showed a rape myth alive and well in my mind. I live in a street of terraced houses so doors are right on the street. I was standing in front of my front door finding my key and a man passed by behind me, and placed his hand very carefully and briefly on my arse. That was it. But I was genuinely upset, partly because it was on my own street in front of my own home, but also because i was 40 years old and 3 stone overweight and wearing an ancient old cagoule, saggy jeans and smelly trainers. Something in me still believed that I had genuinely become invisible and free as a fat older woman, that I no longer had to think about being groped or raped or pressed into sex, and that what I was wearing really made a difference. Despite having read and agreed with lots of stuff about 'whatever we wear, wherever we go', I still thought it, deep down. Depressing.

I don't think it is a skewed cross section on here at all. I'm not surprised by the posters who admit they've been flashed at but didn't view it as serious or assault. Nor am I surprised at the number of posters who have stated that their initial reaction was 'no, not happened to me' and then stated that they've just remembered a long ago incident that they now see for what it was.

We're expected to put up with it because it is/was the norm and that's a real issue. We don't make a big deal because we're taught or expected to deal with it as if it isn't. I'm not going to apologise for being pissed off that any woman is subjected to this kind of crap. It's unacceptable. No excuses, no explanations, just totally unacceptable and needs to stop being tolerated and recognised for what it is.

I would think it's most women, not just some. I have been flashed at, had my boob grabbed in public, had my bum grabbed, had my crotch grabbed. And are we counting verbal abuse? (E.g. on the way to the supermarket, "Wanna fuck?" I ignored him and walked on, for which I got "Effing bitch." ) Oh yes, guy wanking next to me in the cinema.

And I'm no oil painting! (Was dark in the cinema I guess, but still...)

I have never ever dressed in the stereotypical way that people might think females dress to attract unwabted attention.

If there is anyone on this thread or,reading who does think that maybe we asked for it because of our style of dress. You are so wrong you need help

A man or woman will sexualky abuse if they are thst way inclined, regardless. All we can do as non abusers is be aware of our safety and weigh up risks as far as we can do so. Even then it is not guaranteed to not happen.

'MN - A Skewed Sample!'

I don't think so. Nor do all the Government Departments who pay people to watch MN.

yes i have. step granddad when i was around 4. when around 8ish constant inappropriate touching from an uncle, thankfully to soem extent he was controlled we were never left alone with him Ex partner sexually assault me, lost count of the groping on trains, innaropriate remarks from boss and a threat that if i did not sleep with him i would lose my job and a few men coming on very strong and in a very threatening way

CakeBump this is a subject we can only ever really speak for ourselves. i am glad to hear that you have not fallen victim, and i truly hope those close to you have not. why at times opinions may seem so skewed is because we are anonymous and many feel they can be totally honest. read how many on here have never told anyone

I was groomed by paedophile when i was 11, i didn't work out that was what it was until i was an adult. Very luckily my friend and i escaped when he had locked us in his car one night after plying us with alcohol. It's scary looking back i didn't realise how bad it was at the time. The police got involved but he was never charged. We weren't the only people he did it to either.I felt a great sense of relief when i heard he had died.

I also had an incident with being possibly being drugged on a date and. being taken to a hotel room and not being allowed to leave. I can't say for sure what happened because i don't know.

Lastly was dancing in a pub with my friend when 2 blokes came over and started dancing with us. The one pushed me against the wall and tried to kiss me then put his hand down my trousers. I pushed him away and he called me a prick tease for apparently dancing sexily.

Ok, it might be a question of definitions then.

I have been flashed at, had my bum grabbed and been "propositioned", I just don't count that as sexual abuse.

Just lost my post, but YANBU!

I have had a pretty boring life, but can think of at least six incidents, from when I was a young child, and an older boy was very interested in us younger girls, to teachers groping in sports lessons, fellow students stalking and assaulting, a very scary assume by a male "friend", and a boss who tried to take my top off and put his hand up my skirt when I was driving at 70 mph down a duel carriageway.

Thankfully, I managed to physically fight off the more serious ones (self defence lessons at school were very handy).

I think we all grew up just assuming that these things happen, and you just have to try and avoid putting yourself at too much risk, and fight back when you have to.

Rubbish, isn't it.

Disagree with that a bit Sole as that keeps the onus on us as women to have to defend ourselves. The default position is not that women say no, it should be that men don't behave that way in the first place.

Girls should be taught that it's okay to want sex and that they fully participate in the experience. Boys should be taught that they need to ensure active consent and participation, that girls bodies are to be respected and that it's not okay to leer, to touch. That way there is no confusion and the blame is put where it belongs when it goes wrong - on the attacker, not the victim.